Page 35 of Love and Other Risky Business

I lose my shit. I don’t realize it until I’ve backed her to the wall and she stops me with a hand on my chest. I’ve caged her in, my hands on the wall, my body so close to hers I can feel the buzz of something between us.

She’s breathing at least as hard as I am, and she taps her hand against my chest. It’s a warning. Back off or else.

I don’t care what she’s going to do to me. It’s almost cute she thinks she could do anything at this point. I bend my head until the tip of my nose brushes hers. “Mina.” I want to sink so far into her that I never have to come out and face my life, and the fact that I can’t makes me want to cry. “Unless I’m unresponsive, my room is off-limits to you.”

Her face tilts up toward mine and for a stupid second, I think…maybe. Maybe she’s going to kiss me and it’s going to be hot and angry and loaded with years of wanting. But it’s all in my head because she taps my chest again, harder. A final warning.

God, what the hell am I doing? She didn’t want me before, she’s never going to want me now. I step away from her, raising my hands.

I can’t stand to see the pity in her eyes, so I stare at myficus. When did I water it last?

“Timothy—”

“I want one room, Mina.” I am raw. One giant, exposed nerve. I need some time by myself to figure out how to make it stop hurting like this. “One room where I don’t have to—” My voice chokes off my words.

“Be near me?” Her voice is tense, a rubber band stretched too far.

It’s not just her. It’s everyone and everything. My whole life, coming undone.

I nod and the rubber band that is Mina snaps.

“You asshole.” She pushes past me toward the door. “If you changed your mind about me staying here, you should’ve said something before I spent your parents’ money.”

I follow her to the doorway. Of course, she doesn’t get it. I’m tired of trying to make this woman see me while she deliberately misunderstands me.

I grip the doorjamb. The desire to tear it down leaves me shaking, but who am I kidding? I don’t have the strength to try. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” My fingers dig into the wood until they hurt. I want her here, I want her gone; I don’t know what I want.

I want my best friend and I don’t know how to ask for that from her anymore. “They want me to retire.”

Mina spins around. Her mouth moves, a softwhat?I can’t hear escaping her lips.

“I’m sorry I was a dick to you,” I say softly. “I just need—”

Spaceis what I’m about to say, but she’s up the stairs in two leaps, her arms wrapping tight around my waist as she presses against my chest. I have to take a step back from the force, but my arms go around her like it’s the only reason they exist.

I don’t need space. Space is stupid. I need this. Her. It hurts in the worst way how good it feels to hold her, so I pull her tighter to me, and dammit. I’m crying into her hair.

“I’m pissed at myself.” The dam inside me is close to breaking, I have to relieve some of the pressure or I’ll drown. I babble into her hair while her hands stroke my back, warm against my cool skin. “It shouldn’t have happened. I’ve taken hits to the head before and walked them off. I’m angry, and…” I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m barely coherent at all. I know I’ll never be as good at anything as I’ve been at stunt work and loving her, and the idea of walking away from both sucks.

Mina lets me get it out as I repeat myself four or five times. When I’m empty and quiet, she pulls away, cupping my face with both hands. “You can always be a stunt butt,” she deadpans.

My mouth drops, a little hiccup of a laugh escaping, then—for no reason other than the universe is evil—my towel falls off, leaving me naked.

Mina laughs and I manage to get a hand over her eyes before her gaze drops. Shealwayslooks. I’ve always let her because I liked it when she looked at me.

Not anymore.

“That was unintentional,” I say. “Sorry. Close your eyes and turn around.”

“I’ve seen your trouser snake before, Timothy.”

Is that hurt in her voice? “Yeah…well, not anymore, all right?” I have no idea how to build a wall around my heart—I never have—but it’s time I learned. This is a start.

Mina turns around and I quickly scoop up my towel, holding it over my junk as I back slowly toward my door. “I’ll be down in a minute. Thank you. For the cuddle.” Everything is terrible, but I can get through tonight now. “I needed that.”

I close the door, but I still hear her say, “Me too.”

They’re sitting at the dinner table when I join them. Dad’s reading, of course, and pretending to be discreet about it by holding his e-book in his lap. I bump his shoulder, pretending to read silently over it. “Mom, what’s atumescent…I can’t make out the next word…is thatrod?”

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