Page 55 of For Him

“Of course he has,” I muttered. He most likely over exaggerated what my parents had said. That was what he did.

“Well, we figured having more options should at least help,” Marsha said as my eyes found Tori’s at the far side of the room. She was quiet and gave me a sympathetic smile. I said nothing as the girls began gossiping about how exciting the party would be tonight as we all would get to mingle with Trixie and Simon’s families.

I hated that I was acting so sour, but not only had my parents set me up, but now these girls had added even more guys to the list. It wasn’t even that I was angry, no, I was in pain. Because no matter how hard anyone tried, how much they offered men around me, none of them would be Weston.

It had been weeks of no contact with him, and the longer it went, the more confused I became. We had been just friends. Only friends explicitly stated. Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and the way he’d looked at me on Thanksgiving. And I couldn’t stop thinking about the feelings that had burned deep within my soul as I had finally recognized what I’d been denying for so long.

Only for it to all come crashing down.

Swallowing the ache that was in my heart, I plastered a fake smile on my face and joined in the gossip. I needed to be happy for Trixie, excited for her. This was her time and the time to be here for her. Not me. I wasn’t going to be selfish.

∞∞∞

It was proving harder than I had expected to remain joyful as I watched the girls around me find the utmost happiness in their partners. Especially Trixie and Simon who couldn’t take their eyes off of each other. He absolutely adored her, his gaze intense and strong whenever he spared a moment for her. Thin face, high brows, light brown hair that was straight and perfectly gelled into place. Exactly the kind of guy that fit Trixie.

Each of these girls had a partner who seemed to absolutely adore their significant other. And I was becoming irritated by the four boys that were flirting with me constantly. Or around me, as if it had become a competition between them of who would win me over first. I sat on a recliner watching Trixie and Simon challenge Marsha and her husband in a round of pool while Tommy and who I think was Carson teased each other from either side of me.

Surface level stuff I didn’t care about. I’d tried, truly tried, but every word out of my mouth had been forced when I’d talked to these men. Now we were sitting in a brightly lit room where people mingled supporting either Trixie or Simon. My parents were talking with Trixie’s parents, catching up on four years of missed experiences, over to the right beside a snack and juice bar.

There were beautiful white tablecloths draped across the tops of the table, white chairs pushed against them, some filled with people. The sparkling marble below my feet shone despite the abundance of people that shuffled about. The walls were a nice, pale gray, and I felt like we’d walked from one world into another despite the site across from me. Large floor-to-ceiling windows exposed us to a beautiful sunset.

Oranges, yellows, and crimsons painted across a canvas that caused the ache to deepen within me. I wasn’t hungry or thirsty. I wasn’t bored either, despite the fact that I was staring out the windows. I was simply tired, praying that I wouldn’t wake up tomorrow.

It would be so much easier than dealing with the guilt that would come when my father passed, and I was still upset with him. So much easier than knowing that every day that passed, I was falling deeper into sorrow as Weston slipped further from my grasp.

I could apologize to my dad, but I didn’t feel like I’d done anything wrong. But I needed something to change. Once more I was drowning, and this time I didn’t have Weston to save me. My parents weren’t listening to me either, they weren’t hearing what I’d been trying to say since moving home.

My phone spun between my fingers as I got lost in my thoughts, wishing that I could fix something. One thing. Anything. These two guys needed to stop talking as I was struggling to drown them out. Annoyed, frustrated, tired, and alone. I’d never felt so alone in my life, yet I’d been single the entire time.

I wasn’t even sure what Tommy said, but whatever it was sent me over the edge, and a tear slid from my eye. There was no way I could continue doing this. I wasn’t me. Not anymore. The only person who could pull me up from this tomb I was fading into was Weston, and I’d finally had enough.

Unlocking my phone, I tapped on his contact. The last message from before Thanksgiving sitting there in blue from me. Short and rude. How petty I had been at that moment thinking that it had been worth pushing him away because I’d not been the one to drive my dad to the hospital.

So I typed a message. A single, simple sentence.

I need you, Weston.

That was it. And I pressed send.

Then I stared at the screen, waiting and hoping for a response as the nerves bubbled in my stomach. I couldn’t believe I’d actually sent it. It had been too long since we’d talked and been left on rocky terms. How could I tell him that I needed him when that would possibly mean jail time for him?

No. No. That had been a horrible decision. But one I couldn’t take back as the message changed from delivered to read. Then those three little bubbles appeared, and I waited. Hoping that maybe I hadn’t overstepped my boundaries.

Except they disappeared like we had from each other’s lives, and I knew I’d made a terrible mistake. Locking my phone, I leaned my head back against the recliner and closed my eyes. Tears silently slid down my cheeks. Embarrassing, I knew that, but I couldn’t stop them.

It was truly over and we’d never even had a chance. I just wanted one chance to see what could come of this, if there was even something there. Maybe I’d read into it, or because it was forcefully taken from me, I was now thinking it meant more. But I dared to hope that wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.

This pain in my heart was all too real. It burned worse than my lungs had when I’d been drowning. Something that hurt this terribly had to be real. I clutched my chest and leaned forward, the agony spreading like a fire through my body. Cassidy had asked several times if I was interested in Weston. Even Maddie had given me a knowing look, his father had known at that failed dinner when I’d kept staring at his eyes.

Why hadn’t I seen it all then?

“Tenley?” A soft voice sounded in front of me, and I quickly wiped the stains from my cheeks, blinking open my eyes. Tori was standing in front of me, holding out a drink. I pulled it from her hands and took a sip.

“It’s from uh, that guy,” she said, pointing to one of the four men that had been vying for my attention. I raised the glass in thanks, not one to turn down a free drink, but that was it. “Are you okay?” she added, sitting down on the couch beside me. I hadn’t even realized that the two men were gone until now.

“Yeah. How come you ask?” I replied, sipping on the drink.

“You were crying, and you haven’t exactly been the most upbeat. It’s because of your dad, isn’t it?” she asked, sipping on her own drink. She had on a simple dress and heels now, while I still wore the same outfit as earlier.

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