Page 38 of Harbinger

But this isn’t the time to worry. “I’m back; everything is fine,” I assure her.

She looks me over as I feel Sydney’s body heat against my back. “You left your phone here,” she starts, her voice hardening again. “I already called Stella and asked her to take out the cameras in the city.”

I nod. Stella is one of the best hackers in the entire country, stationed at the Texas Fallen Angel compound.

“If she wasn’t able to take them out in time, she said she erased any footage.”

“Thank you,”

“I didn’t do it for you,” she snaps before turning around and heading back to her room.

I let out a breath, taking a step forward. Zach, Brandon, and Elena are left watching us.

“I assume the car is toast?” Zach asks, frowning.

“For now,” I reply. “But we’ll figure out how to get it back.” I hear Sydney squeak from behind me, and I turn to her. “What?”

“I’m sure you had other things on your mind, but just so you know, the hood got pretty banged up.”

Of course, it did.

Sighing, I look at the others, realizing just how annoyed they all are, before pushing Sydney softly toward the stairs. “Go upstairs and get some sleep,” I tell her.

She eyes me warily before nodding once and finally, for the first time, doing as she’s told.

TWELVE

SYDNEY

The secondI get into the room, I lock the door, praying that Ronan doesn’t try to come in, and I break down crying.

My chest aches, my body aches, and I can’t stop shaking as everything hits me all at once.

My life has never been normal. Never been something to be desired. And yet, somehow, everything has come crashing down on me faster than I ever thought possible.

And I’m hurting.

I’ve been hurting for a very long time.

Every feeling I’ve ever had for my parents rushes through me. Hatred. Despair. Confusion. Indifference. Guilt. Resentment. Bitterness.

I was only a kid. I was a kid subjected to watching men be murdered in cold blood in front of me.

They were training me to take over, they said. They had to toughen me up, they’d tell me.

I didn’t need to be toughened up. I needed to be protected. I needed to be loved.

When other kids were having sleepovers, I was learning how to put a hit on someone.

Memories I worked so hard to forget rush to the forefront of my brain, flashing before my eyes as I squeeze them shut, sobs taking over my body, making me feel like it’s not mine.

I don’t want to be here.

I’ve had those thoughts before. But everyone has, haven’t they?

I think so.

Laying on Ronan’s bed, I curl up into myself, pulling the comforter over my body as I shake, my back aching.

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