Page 52 of Harbinger

Her eyes flash to mind before looking at the ground as she carefully avoids tripping over a log. “I just mean that I don’t know what I did in life to end up here. What went wrong.”

I know that question. I know that question more than I think most people would understand.

Because most of us haven’t done a single thing wrong. Most of us have no idea why we’re here. Why we’re subjected to this.

I wish I knew the answer.

“I don’t know where it all went wrong, Sydney, but I know where you could make it right.”

She sighs again, her shoulders slouching as what can only be described as remorse clouds her face.

And I feel for her.

I do.

I don’t want to, but I can’t help it.

And I hate it. I hate that there’s just something about her that feels comforting. The woman who stole my car. The woman I kidnapped. It’s only been a couple of days, and yet she feels like home.

No.

Why do I even think that?

It’s because she looks like Jerry,I tell myself.

But I don’t have feelings for Jerry. I never have. The fact that she doesn’t swing my way isn’t even the problem. It’s just that I simply look at her as family. A family that none of us have ever really had.

But Sydney feels like that, plus more, and I have to shove it back.

I have to.

This is our job.

This is the way I live. I mess this up, I’m good as dead.

But I can’t help it.

And that makes me hate her.

SIXTEEN

SYDNEY

Yesterday passed in a blur.Nothing really happened, but it served as a moment of settlement for me. A moment of peace and security.

No one yelled at me. I wasn’t forced to stay in a room, and out of the way, I wasn’t pushed around. I was just able to exist, and that was enough for me.

But there’s still that little feeling in the back of my mind that makes me think that I’m being lured into a trap. That’s how I got into this mess to begin with.

“How are you feeling?” Elena asks as she sits next to me, a bowl of granola in her hands.

I shrug, moving my soup around my bowel with my spoon, looking down. “I’m getting by,” I tell her.

“Jerry told me to help you get ready for the dinner tonight. I don’t have all the details, but I’m sure you’re going to do great,”

I nod, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I hope so.”

I’ve never been in this kind of position before. I’ve never gone undercover, never had such stakes attached to my actions. I don’t know what I’m walking into when I get to that dinner or how Jeffery will react when he sees me. I haven’t seen him in a long time. So long, in fact, that I barely remember what he looks like.

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