Page 83 of The Girl I Once Loved

“Who’s going to hate you?” I ask, puzzled by this weird turn in our conversation.

“I wanted to tell you back on that day at the Farmer’s market. I had gathered up all my courage to confront you, but to my shame, I chickened out. Deep down, I knew he wouldn’t allow it,” she states frantically.

“Who wouldn’t allow it? What are you talking about, Stacy?” I almost shout, nervous energy running through me.

“Noah. I’m talking about Noah.”

I take a step back away from her, as if his name uttered by her lips puts the fear of God into me.

“You know what? I don’t want to know. Whatever game you’re trying to pull won’t work. I’m not that stupid girl anymore. Go and play with someone else. I’m done here,” I tell her, needing to get as much distance as I can from this snake.

“Wait, Skylar. You need to hear this,” she pleads frantically.

I shake my head with my hands up.

“Whatever you have to say to me, I don’t want to hear it. Especially if it has to do with him.”

“Stop being so goddamn pig-headed and give me a second to explain. Believe me when I say you are going to want to hear every word.”

It’s my curiosity more than anything that has me rooted to the spot, wondering what Stacy could possibly have up her sleeve. No matter how much she’s trying to portray that she’s changed, I’m not buying it. So it’s with a grain of salt that I listen attentively to whatever gibberish she’s about to lay on me.

“Before that night,” she starts hesitantly, referring to the night she ruined my happiness, “Noah was spending a lot of time at my house, talking shit through with Derrick. He didn’t know it, but I eavesdropped on them both any chance I could get.”

“Classy,” I reprimand, hating that I was guilty of doing the same all my life.

“I’m not proud of it, but it was the only way I could think of to still feel like I was part of Noah’s life. By then, I had already lost his heart, but I thought that maybe there was a way I could still keep him as a friend. Only years later did I realize his heart was never mine to begin with. Still, at the time, I didn’t know any better. I needed Noah in my life, no matter what.”

“I’m failing to see how this is any of my business, Stacy,” I state flatly.

“Give me a second, will you? It’s hard enough having to admit what a shitty person I was back in the day without your scrutinizing commentary.”

“If you want absolution, find yourself a priest, Stacy. You’ll get none from me.”

“I don’t expect any from you.” She lets out a solemn sigh. “I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t even care if after I tell you the truth, you do nothing about it. I just want to be someone my son can look up to. And that will never happen if I don’t at least try to right the wrongs I’ve done in my life.”

As much as I hate the woman staring me in the eye, I hear the truth in her words. Apparently, motherhood has done a number on Stacy, forcing her to reflect on everything she’s done. It takes courage to admit when you’re wrong. It takes even more courage to face the people you’ve hurt. That is the only reason why I don’t leave and stay firmly to my spot to listen to all she has to say.

That and the fact that whatever is weighing on her soul has to do with Noah.

“Anyway, one night I heard Noah tell Derrick about his family’s money problems. How his mother’s hospital bills were still draining their resources. That didn’t surprise me though. I suspected as much when Noah insisted that my brother sign him in on any drag race or underground fight Derrick was organizing. Money was always a sensitive topic with Noah, so I never broached it with him, but I heard it in his voice how concerned he was that he’d never be able to pay it off no matter how hard he and his father tried.”

I don’t add anything to her statement, since she was apparently more in tune with Noah’s hardships at the time than I was. It’s always been a sore spot for me how I had no clue what was happening under my own roof. I was so happy living in my bubble that I didn’t see the signs of how my family was struggling financially. I thought it was normal for Curt never to have a day off, always out at sea whenever possible. I never questioned why my mother sometimes needed to work double shifts, or how Daisy was always complaining about how broke she was, even when she was working her ass off waiting tables.

I just thought it was the normal everyday struggles of any family living in Thatcher’s Bay.

How wrong I had been.

“And then Noah confessed something else to my brother—how proud he was that you had gotten a full ride to Dartmouth—” she starts to say, but I quickly stop her before she says another word.

“Wait? What?” I interject, confused. “That never happened, Stacy. Noah didn’t know about my grant. I didn’t tell anyone,” I call her out on her lie.

“You didn’t, but your mother found out and told Noah about it,” she explains, guilt-ridden.

“That’s a lie, Stacy. A fucking awful lie.” I shake my head, not wanting to let her lies sink into my brain.

“Look at me, Skylar. I’m not lying,” she says steadfastly. “Your mom did tell Noah about the grant and how you had kept that news from them, telling everyone you didn’t get in much less get a full ride. They knew the only reason why you would have kept the truth from everyone was because you were going to turn it down just to stay in Thatcher’s Bay. Just to stay with Noah.”

“I…I…” I stammer, wide-eyed and frantic.

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