Page 18 of The Girl I Once Loved

We’ve hardly talked about any of my accomplishments back at school. Aside from the weekly obligatory phone call to see if I was still alive, there really hasn’t been much we’ve discussed over the years, so I’m not even surprised with the meal she’s prepared for me.

“Oh, right.” My mother nods sullenly. “It must have skipped my mind.”

“It’s fine. I’ll just have the salad,” I tell her, not really eager to get into a fight with my mother on my first day back.

My mother sinks into her chair, while doing her best to keep a brave face.

Sensing the tension in the room, both Daisy and Curt begin to talk about her wedding plans, including me and my mother into the conversation as best as they can. But it all feels strained and awkward, and I hate that I’m the cause for such uneasiness.

But then again, I could be having lunch back at the bed and breakfast in town if my mother hadn’t so rudely canceled my reservation there. I really should call her out on it, but then I remember that I promised Daisy that I’d be the best maid of honor she could ever hope for. Causing a fight with our mother would defeat that purpose.

“Do you want to come into town with me after lunch? Mom and I are going to look at some table linens and napkins for the wedding,” Daisy asks between bites of her macaroni and cheese.

“Would you mind if I go with you another time? I’m still tired from the flight and think maybe I should lay down for a few hours and take a nap.”

If I’m to fulfill my promise to my sister, then it would be prudent to limit my time with my mother while in Daisy’s company. I know that sooner or later I’ll have to have a serious conversation with her, but I would rather do that when Daisy isn’t around. Maybe I’ll only broach the subject after Daisy has gone off on her honeymoon. That way, there is no risk in me pissing my sister off any more than I already have.

“Sure. No problem,” Daisy replies with a genuine smile. “How about I pick you up tomorrow a little before noon so we can have lunch at The Scarlet Letter Café for old times’ sake?”

“What do you mean pick me up?” I ask, confused. “Don’t you live here, too?”

“Actually, your sister has been living over at Derrick’s since he popped the question,” my mother explains, sounding not too happy with my sister’s new living arrangement.

“I’ll come back the week before the wedding. I just want to enjoy this honeymoon stage we’re in,” Daisy explains with a whimsical tone.

“Silly me. And here I thought the honeymoon stage was only supposed to happenaftera wedding took place.” My mother pouts.

“Since when have you become so old-fashioned?” I can’t help but interject, astounded by my mother’s displeasure that Daisy is living with her fiancé, of all people. It’s not like Daisy hasn’t spent most of her nights with Derrick anyway.

In my mind, they should have been living together ages ago. I never understood why Daisy preferred to live in this house and not with the man she loved. Then again, Daisy has always marched to the beat of her own drum, doing things her way and refusing to succumb to society’s expectations.

“I know it’s been a while since you’ve been home, but Thatcher’s Bay is a small island and people talk. I just don’t want anyone to think that your sister is marrying Derrick for his money, or worse, that this is a shotgun wedding.”

Though it takes immense effort on my part to ignore the jab my mother just took at me, it’s her hypocrisy that I’m unable to stomach. Especially since everyone on this island believes that she and Curt had an affair long before his first wife passed away and she’s never done anything to deny it. I may not be one for gossip, but that tidbit is much more scandalous than my sister shacking up with her boyfriend of over ten years could ever be.

“Like I give a rat’s ass what people think.” Daisy laughs. “People will believe whatever they want to in the end. It’s not my job to enlighten them. I’m going to live my life how I want to live it. If the island wants to gossip about it, it’s their prerogative. Not mine.”

My heart warms at how my sister is still as fearless as she’s always been. Many things may have changed since we’ve been apart, but knowing that Daisy is still Daisy eases whatever trepidations I might have at being here.

“Will I see you tonight though?” I ask, excited at the prospect of reconnecting with my beloved sister.

“I’m having dinner with Derrick’s parents tonight, but I can pop in afterwards if you want?”

Suddenly, the idea of being all alone in this house without her feels like the worst decision I could possibly make. It’s my sister’s hopeful smile that keeps me from saying as much and conceding to the idea of living here for the summer. I can always book a room in town if it gets too much for me.

“No, that’s okay. I’ll probably just work tonight anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I force a smile. “Thank you for lunch, but if it’s quite alright, I think I’ll go and lay down now,” I add, excusing myself from the table.

“Of course. Your room is ready for you. Just go on up,” my mother says while quickly picking up my plate from the table and putting it in the sink, still unable to make direct eye contact with me.

I throw Daisy and Curt another smile as I turn my back and walk out of the kitchen to head upstairs. But the minute I grab hold onto the handrail and start walking up the flight of stairs, old ghosts of the past trickle into my subconscious again.

I see a younger version of me hiding at the top of the stairs, eavesdropping on conversations that I had no business listening to and what happened afterwards. I try to shake the memories away, but it’s a difficult feat to accomplish, especially when I reach the long hallway on the second floor. Each step that brings me closer to my bedroom feels like I’m being pulled back into that painful past, the walls behind the closed door having borne witness to the whole fucked up ordeal.

‘There. It’s done. Now what, you lunatic?’

‘Aw, baby. Giving me pet names already? I think you can come up with better than that.’

‘How about psycho? I think it fits you perfectly.’

---