Page 45 of The Girl I Once Loved

“I saw Skylar in town yesterday. She looks good. Different, yet still the same, if that makes sense,” Stacy says, scanning my face for a reaction.

“Hmm,” I mumble non-committedly as I scribble my name on her ledger before handing the white envelope to her.

“That should be the end of it. We’re square now.”

She nods, defeated, storing the envelope in her desk drawer and locking it.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know? You didn’t have to pay me back. I was happy to help.”

“We had a deal,” I retort. “I’m honoring that deal.”

“You mean the one that destroyed you?” She frowns, running her manicured nail over the name Monroe that’s branded on the leather cover of her ledger.

Since I’ve heard this rant before, I stand up from my seat, ready to leave.

“Noah,” she calls out before I take another step. “Don’t you ever regret what we did?”

“No,” I deadpan. “What I do regret is always having the same conversation with you. It’s done. It’s been done. Why can’t you all just get over it?”

“All?” She arches a curious brow, but I’m quick to stop her in her tracks before she gets carried away.

“Look, Stacy. Can’t we just celebrate the fact that I was able to pay you at all? I mean, I was sure I’d be gutting fish for the rest of my life and still not making a dent in my debt. Can’t I just have this win before you go trudging through shit that should be left in the past?”

“But it’s not the past, Noah. Your past is here. Living back in her old bedroom. In your childhood home. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out if there is anything there worth saving?” she presses, concern marring her features.

“Like I said. It’s the past. No use in crying over it now, especially since I don’t regret any of it.”

“You’re lying. If not to me then to yourself,” she accuses, unhappy with my reply.

“I did what I had to.”

“Did you?” she counters, saddened. “I’ve seen what these past years have done to you. I’ve seen you wither away because of that one choice.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I rebuke, turning my back to leave.

“Yes, I do!” She slams her fists to the table, stopping me from moving an inch. “Because I was right there with you. I regret my part in the damage I’ve done. I regret it, Noah. If I knew it would have changed you this much, I would never have gone through with your plan.”

“Just stop, Stacy. Just…stop,” I plead, my shoulders slumping.

“Look at me, Noah,” she orders, her voice barely above a whisper.

I turn around because Stacy deserves that of me. She was there when I needed her.

The least I can do is hear her out now.

She lets out an exhale before pushing herself away from behind her desk, to lean in front of it.

“I’ve spent many nights thinking about what we did. Even to this day, sleep doesn’t come easily to me. I stay awake thinking of my baby boy, Joshua, and how heartbroken I’d be if anyone had done something similar to him. I think of my husband, Micheal, and how lost I’d be without his love if I had been placed in the same position you were and had to make the same decision you made. And then I think of you.” She sighs. “My first love. My childhood best friend. I think of you and how you deserved so much more than the life you gave yourself. Because you do, Noah. You are deserving of happiness. You both are. So please… don’t make the same mistake again. Don’t watch the love of your life leave this island without telling her the truth. You will only regret it if you do.”

“You forget. I don’t do regrets.” I shrug.

“No, dear friend. You do. You do regrets better than anyone I know.”

Sensing that she’s done wreaking havoc on my sanity, I start walking towards the door again, only to stop before I reach her office door.

“You were never a meal ticket for me,” I say, throwing my head over my shoulder and catching her wiping the tears from her eyes.

“What?” she asks, confused.

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