Page 98 of Ruthless Ends

“I don’t think I do.”

“Cam, stop it. This isn’t a game!”

“Do I look like I’m playing a game?” He steps into my path, and I jerk to a stop, breathing hard, and suddenly we’re far too close. Close enough to breathe in his scent, to feel the warmth radiating off his skin. But I don’t step back. Neither of us do.

“Tell me why.”

I look away, the intensity in his eyes too much.Tell him why?Why I won’t just let him die? Like he needs me to fucking spell it out for him. I could lie and say it’s because the plan won’t work with him dead, but I think we’d both see right through it.

I shove him by the chest, but he grabs my wrists, holding me there. “Tell me why,” he repeats.

“Maybe because it’s the right thing to do, not intentionally killing people.”

“Yeah, I don’t buy that.”

I yank against his hands, but he holds firm, both of us breathing harder now like there’s not enough air in the room.

“You’re such an asshole,” I whisper.

“Say it.”

I glare at him. “What difference does it make?”

“Say it.”

“I—because I will never get over it, okay! You want me to say it’s because I care about you? Of course I do!” My voice wobbles, and I shove him again, and this time he lets me go. “If I do this spell and something happens to you, I will never forgive myself. For the rest of my goddamn life I will never get over being the reason you died. I’m the only reason you still have a deal with Westcott in the first place. So give me the deal back, Cam. Give it back.”

Finally, the hard mask over his features cracks. “I can’t—”

“Just give it back to me!” I scream and slam my fists into his chest. “Give it back.”

He grabs the back of my neck and tugs me in, his arms coming around me in an unbreakable hold. His heart pounds beneath my ear as my chest heaves with my breath.

“I can’t give it back to you, Valerie. A deal can only be transferred once. But even if I could, I still wouldn’t.”

I deflate against him, and he tightens his hold. The feel of it is too familiar, too comfortable. That feeling of safety that always comes with being close to him threatens to swallow me whole.

“This is bigger than me. You have to go through with it.”

“I won’t,” I grit out through the lump in my throat.

“Valerie—”

“It’s off the table. So either help me figure out something else or let me go.”

How can both sides of this feel like I’m losing? I don’t do the spell, my mother—and who knows how many other people—could die. If I do, I could lose Cam, and the things I’d have to do to Nathan to get there…

Cam pulls back, and I blink, startled to find a tear escaping down my cheek. Hesitantly, he cups the side of my face and wipes it away with his thumb.

For a long time, we look at one another. It’s like I’m reliving every moment we’ve had all at once—the nights at camp he let me cry in his arms, when he told me about Rea for the first time, him saving me from Terrence by the lake, us arguing in the woods, the whip in his hand, the look in his eyes when he told me he’d take my deal for me. The girl in the memories feels like a different person, and I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if I’d stayed her.

“Did you ever, even if just for a moment, consider it?” he murmurs, his forehead creasing like he’s deep in thought. “Choosing me?”

The way he’s looking at me, it’s like he’s expecting me to say no. Preparing for it. And it’s probably what I should say.

A shaky breath passes through my lips as I whisper, “Yes.”

And I have. More than once, and more than just for a moment.

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