Page 24 of On Thin Ice

Ah, he’s talking to Soren.

“Tell me what?” I asked loudly, and he flailed with the phone, only catching it at the last moment before it crashed to the gravel, then spun to face me. “Here, I have pie.”

He ended the call to Soren with a quick goodbye, and took the plate I waggled at him, and we both sat down. I passed him a fork and encouraged him to take a bite, which he did. I sure hoped he eat fast, or we’d be frozen to this bench.

“Mom makes the best pie,” I informed him, and he nodded. “So, what do you want to tell me.”

“Nothing, I mean… if I… I don’t want this to ruin what my dad has…”

“Spit it out, Felix.”

“Jonah knowseverythingI said about you. I mean, all the stuff that Miles agreed with, that he encouraged in me.” His eyes widened. “Not that I’m blaming Miles, it was all me, but I… shit…”

“Eat more pie,” I demanded, and he did. Meanwhile, I took my first bite of whatever the chocolate one was—basically heaven wrapped in cream. We sat quietly for a while, and Felix went from stiff to calm and back to stiff again.

“I dress like a girl,” I announced.

He spluttered. “No, you don’t!” His defense was immediate. “You dress like you. Perfect and just… you. I love that you can know yourself and have that strength of conviction, and the way you do your eyes, and how you can go out on the ice and put up with people’s garbage words and… shit…” He subsided, as if he’d abruptly understood why I’d said that—to goad him into a reaction.

“See, I bet you used to say that girl thing about me behind my back, same as you did to my face. I know Miles said it directly at me at the Halloween dance, and I told him my mom was a girl and that she was stronger than all of us. Anyway, what’s wrong with a boy wanting to feel pretty, and show their feminine side, and wear nail polish, huh?”

“Nothing,” Felix said, then sighed. “Shit, Tyler. I said a lot of things, and if you’re friends with Jonah and he hates me, then he’ll tell you all the things I thought and said, and then you’ll hate me, and yet again, I’ve fucked up things for my dad, and—”

“This isn’t about you, so stop making it that way,” I said sharply.

He opened his mouth, then shut it again, giving me a quick nod.

“As to Jonah? He doesn’t hate you. He understands, okay? He’s my friend, and he’s a kind person, someone who did what they needed to do at the time to survive being thrown in at the deep end. Sound familiar? I’m not condoning what he did, or what you did. I don’t understand it, but I know he regrets everything, and I know you do too, and it’s that part I’m holding on to.”

“Jonah wasn’t like Miles, or me, he was…” Felix searched for the right word. “Trapped. And I wouldn’t let him go.”

Silence.

I needed to break the silent stalemate somehow.

“You want to know something?” I asked.

“What?”

“I have a guaranteed way to beat everyone at Monopoly.” He seemed confused at the change in subject, and I smiled at him. “I bet you I can bankrupt you, and our parents, in the space of an hour.”

His eyes narrowed. “There’s no way to guarantee a win—”

“Oh, there is.” I studied my nails. “Wanna try me?”

“You’re on,” he said, his competitive nature coming to the fore.

We headed back to the house, but he stopped me just by the door. “Look, before we go in…” He paused and drew a deep breath. “The guilt is real, and then I feel guilty because I’m pushing that guilt onto you and making you deal with the guilt that you shouldn’t even have to deal with because it’s my guilt and it shouldn’t affect you.” Everything tumbled out in a mess, but he seemed relieved it was out.

I fake-punched his arm. “Well, I won’t feel guilty when I take all your houses and your money and leave you weeping at the side of the board. So, suck it up, Mr. McGuilty.”

When we got inside, Mom and Jim jumped apart from where they’d been clearing the kitchen, aka kissing, and stared at us expectantly.

I pointed at Jim and Mom. “You two, me, Felix, Monopoly.”

Mom chuckled. “After we do the dishes,” she warned.

I shrugged. “See, Felix? Mom knows I’m gonna win and will do anything to delay the inevitable.”

---