Page 90 of Tendu: Dancing in the Castle

“What was that about money?” I said. “Do you really think that of me?”

“No. Sorry.”

“I’m not even comfortable with him buying me presents, and now that’s going to happen again. We’re going to Glasgow tomorrow, and what do I get him?”

“He’s got you. What the fuck else does he want?”

“Overkill, Hearst. I’m very much aware of my shortcomings compared to the other women he’s been out with. Michelle’s one of them. Did you know that?”

“No way. I don’t see that.”

“And what a morning. It’s nice to be in here alone for a bit. But, we’re okay?” I asked. “And please forget what I said too. I actually admire the way you are. It sounds appealingly honest and simple.”

“I’m a bit of an idiot, but never as bad as Bevan makes out. He’s trying to get everyone on the bus singing right now. I’ll hold the phone up so you can hear.”

I was still hummingShe’ll be Coming Round the Mountainas I walked down the stairs a few minutes later, on my way to find Aleks.

He burst out of the small office by the television room as I arrived in the foyer.

“I find this upstairs on my clothes,” he said, holding out the necklace box. “And I think you have gone. And this was always to be yours, always. So I am look up Justin’s details to follow and explain. And then I think: no, this is like stalking, and I should not do... But you have been crying. I see this. Malphia, there is being a huge misunderstanding. Never am I embarrassed. Not by you. By myself, yes. But never you.”

I put my hand on his arm. “It’s okay,” I told him, then hesitated, knowing he would abhor pity, and that in his highly reactive state any form of empathy might be construed as such. “I wasn’t crying about our disagreement. I just had a row with Will.”

“He is not gone?” he asked, carefully placing the necklace round my neck and fastening the catch.

“Oh, he is. Some of our talk was by text and phone.”

“Come, sit by the fire and tell me.”

Through in the great hall, the flames beamed their heat and comfort into the cavernous room, and all around us, as we sat down on the sofa.

“He saw us in the elevator last night,” I said.

“Ah.” He nodded. “I knew it would be bad for that boy once he knew.”

“He was cross that I hadn’t told him.” I lay down on the sofa and rested my head on his thigh, sensing that both of us were feeling drained by recent events. “He never actually told me about him and Sadie either, though, so it was all very annoying.”

“Will and Sadie?” said Aleks. “I don’t see that.”

We both gazed into the fire for a while, and I started to feel my body relax. And his. There was a sense of relief in us both.

“I’m glad it’s all over,” I said. “Yesterday. This week. This term.”

“I am too.”

I turned my head to look up at him in doubt, and was about to say how I had felt that thrill from him, during the show. But then I didn’t. Wouldn’t that just be reminding him of all he had lost? I was coming to believe that I would never have it, never feel anything like that about performance. But I didn’t say that either. He seemed like he was going to speak, but he stopped himself too.

I closed my eyes and relaxed further.

“Is so quiet,” said Aleks. “Listen.”

The absence of footfalls, voices, doors and distant piano music was actually quite eerie. The only discernible sounds were the crackle of the fire and our breathing. The ceiling twinkled with something bright.

“Who put those decorations up there?” I asked. High above us were holly, fir branches and ivy, entwined with sparkling silver ribbons.

“Your friend, the farmer. He brought big ladder.”

The whole room was a glittering wonderland, bedecked with a perfect blend of fresh greenery and sparkle. The huge tree by the windows was exquisitely hung with white lights and old-fashioned baubles. “How did I not see any of this before?” I wondered.

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