Page 17 of Tendu: Dancing in the Castle

“No. No it doesn’t, it isn’t. Don’t be sad, Aleks.”

He shouldn’t ever be sad. If anything was wrong, that was. I started to kiss away the sorrow, and everything went frantic. His mouth felt harder. I loved it on my neck. It wasn’t until he spoke that I noticed the outsides of his legs were pressed against the insides of mine. At some point I had sat on him.

“I should take you home,” he said. “I have genuine meaning to do this.”

He was clearly determined not to have sex with me, making my out-of-character behaviour not a little humiliating. I started to back off, but his hands held me in place.

“Be not misunderstand, Malphia. You are a beautiful, natural woman, a very young woman. I am try not to be a sleazy old man to you.”

“You’re not. How could you be?” Embarrassment forgotten, I leant forward to kiss him again.

“You understand what I am saying?” he said into my mouth. “Every instinct is telling me to carry you to bed.”

The contradiction of being very warm all over but also covered in goosebumps, caused me to tremble.

“See this, no,” he said. “I want you to know that you are safe with me.”

“I do.”

He brushed the back of a finger over my arm, worsening the situation considerably: my tremulousness, his concern.

And then I knew how to fix it, how to lift him and take the worry away. “I’m not shivering because I’m frightened, Aleks. But if you are, if you’re not ready, that’s fine. I can wait as long as—”

Chapter 6

Inwhatseemedlikeseconds, we had travelled down the hall, into another room with floor-to-ceiling windows, and onto a big white bed.

He undressed me with great care, always returning to kiss my mouth between other places. I was kissed more than I had been in all the rest of my life put together. He told me I was beautiful more times than I could count.

He had to remove his own clothes, the grown-up man belt and trouser fastenings being beyond my skill. His legs were hard and muscular; my fingers explored the contrastingly soft blond hairs. I examined his smooth chest, his shoulders and arms. I was used to seeing boys at college in a state of half undress between classes, but Aleks was different, as if life had sculpted and honed a more finished and well-defined version of masculinity.

The muscles in his shoulders moved against each other like small and perfectly aligned ropes as he knelt in front of me, and then the fullness of his black trunks became the obvious focus. The one piece of clothing had been left for a reason. I could still say no.

I stretched the elastic out and down over his erection, setting it free, and was instantly fascinated. It was big and long and pointing up, friendly and happy. The combination of hard flesh and soft skin was inviting. I had to at least kiss it. I barely got to do that, we tumbled back so fast. His mouth found my breasts, and I was overcome by chills and warmth and life and everything.

He hadn’t lost the ability to be clever at all. His tongue was doing things I’d only read about in books, and it was too much. I fought against the extremity of sensation and couldn’t bear it.

“Aleks,” I begged.

His face appeared by mine at once.

“I want your penis inside me,” I told him, knowing I’d said something blurty and blatant, but not caring a bit.

“Oh, my darling, my angel, you can have, is yours.”

I had it in my hands, the object of desperate, aching want… but where was he going? He leant away, reached into a drawer and produced a box of condoms, shiny and sterile in unbroken cellophane.

“I’m on the pill. And I don’t have anything. I mean, I was tested in the summer.” Was I ruining the moment? Making everything clinical and cold?

“Ah, me too. I am clear,” he said, matter of factly. “But I can still…”

My head made small instinctive negative movements. He dropped the box on the floor, and kissed my mouth and my nose and my mouth again.

“Is sacred moment,” he said. “This, our first time. I will never forget.”

I loved the way he watched my face. I loved the feel of him within me, and his eyes above me. I loved it all. Aleks was inside me and it was absolutely the best thing that had ever happened to anyone, ever. We were like the music. Two people, two rhythms, woven through each other and into more: a greater harmony, a new melody.

Lots of new things were happening. I couldn’t be quiet, couldn’t be still. My hands were everywhere. I arched under him, and the capacity to feel and experience grew bigger and wilder.

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