Page 138 of Tendu: Dancing in the Castle

So I walked out, ignoring the barrage of soothing words that started up behind me.

“Amalphia, don’t go,” said Sun. “We didn’t mean anything by—”

But I was gone. Down the corridor, and out into the foyer. I looked up at the stone angels of the ceiling. They looked down at me. One of them blew a trumpet, heralding what exactly? Some event in the distant past? Or a new one, yet to come?

The stony visages of the angels called to mind other stones. I’d been avoiding many things in this post-dungeon life of mine. One of those things was a stone. Still wearing the uncomfortable pointe shoes, I pulled my knitwear back on and headed out the big front door of the castle.

It was frosty outside, but bright and sunny, the air fresh and clean. I walked over the gravel, and the grass, and took the forest path to the stones. The bustle of the world, of the castle, ceased to exist in the quiet and muted light of the forest. I found myself running up the hill, between the high trees, hurrying to see the change that had taken place.

The overnight frost had been harder in the circle. Everything was white and crispy, which lessened the shock of the mess that had been made. A digger had obviously come in from the field, its tracks now dusted with white, like icing sugar on chocolate cake. Lots of people in big working boots had walked about and churned up mud, their footprints now frozen and hard. The ground of the circle was lumpy-bumpy. Like me. Injurious things had happened here. Some were already fixed, and the rest would heal in time.

I stood in front of the new stone, the old stone, the freshly planted and put back stone. The tall pointed megalith had a thick layer of frost upon it. Tiny spikes of ice stood out all over its grey surface. I brushed a finger across them, and everything turned red again.

“Why?” I demanded of the stone, my voice loud, the words echoing round the glade. “Why didn’t you fall earlier?”

I shoved it. It didn’t shift. The workmen had done a good job. That condition of my compensation package had been well met.

“It’s because you would have just lain there, isn’t it? You needed me to see you, to recognise what you were, and arrange to have you returned to the circle.”

My new friend Jackie had been pleased about the return of the stone. He’d told me that its theft was probably part of some hate crime in the past, and that it had been put right now. He claimed this would help lift the dark energies that hung around the castle. I didn’t know if there was any truth to this, but I liked visiting Jackie and listening to his ideas. I walked to his house once a week, armed with home bakes from Holly, who had been dismayed by the tale of the stale biscuits.

I walked round and round the stone now, pacing in my pointe shoes, pushing the wretched boulder every so often. “How dare you use me like that?” I said to it. “Look what happened to me.” I stood, arms wide, as if to show my scars. “You could have fallen the day you got dislodged. Then there wouldn’t have been a dungeon for us to go down to! All those televisions would have been crushed and ruined, maybe even discovered; she might have been stopped then.” I kicked the stone with the hard toe of my shoe. It made a nice plunk noise. It was rather satisfying. I did it again, and again. Both feet. Both shoes. The satin tore. The pink fabric turned brown from the frozen mud on the base of the rock. And then I hammered on the stone with my fists, which really hurt, and the anger faded to dark blue. Grief. I sank to the ground, leant back against the stone and cried. And cried.

The tears tasted salty. My hands were red and raw. The stone remained quiet. Well, of course it did. What was I doing anyway? Shouting at an inanimate object? Blaming it for all that had happened? How ridiculous had I become?

I thought back over the events of the day. I’d smashed up an office, tried to rearrange my boyfriend’s work schedule to my own liking, and then walked huffily away from people who had only meant to be kind. Back near the beginning of term, Aleks had told me that the diva was part of a dancer’s make-up. Well, it didn’t have to be part of mine.

I stood up. I had a whole castle of people to apologise to. I had a whole life to live. But first – I looked down at my muddied and inadequate outfit – I would put on some warm clothes and have some hot chocolate.

Full Circle

Theendoftermarrived, the Easter break, and with it came partings.

Simone was the first. She left early one morning, pausing only to request that Sadie wish us all ‘good riddance’ on her behalf.

Then Pasha handed me a note bearing his number. “Aleks is having years of fun. You too must experience life, all its many joys.”

“Pay for those in Amsterdam, do I?”

He was suitably abashed, and we hugged a farewell.

Colin was straight as ever. “Any chance of a goodbye shag?”

Then came the one that really mattered.

“Are you sure this is correct and respectful, having a picnic up here like this?” asked Justin, helping himself to a sandwich.

“Absolutely, it is,” I confirmed. The food was beautifully laid out on the flat stone of the circle on this wonderfully warm and sunny spring day.

“Amalphia knows these things instinctively,” said Sun. “If she says it’s okay, it’s okay. Look, I know you lot have your secrets, but is anyone going to explain the new stone?”

“It’s not new, it’s old,” I said, then telling her that the stone had been embedded in the ceiling of the deeper dungeon, that I’d seen it fall while down there, and how I had dreamt about it while unconscious.

Her face showed horror and amazement as I told an edited version of the story. “That wasn’t a dream, Amalphia,” she said. “It sounds like astral projection into a different realm.”

“You do have the best experiences here, Phi,” said Justin. “I mean, spiritually, not, obviously... Oh, you know what I mean.”

I did. I lay down on the grass, the heat of the sun blissful in its intensity. The season was in full bloom. Tiny pink and white flowers had started to appear round the base of the stones, and their heady scent made me think of fairies and magic. I held Will’s pink stone aloft and smiled at the inner rainbows the sun revealed.

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