Page 134 of Tendu: Dancing in the Castle

He observed me in silence.

“I would make a good nurse,” I mused. “I have no emotional involvement, and I’m experienced with wounds.” A tear dripped off my chin and onto his hand. “Sorry, did that sting?”

“No.”

I dressed the grazed knuckles. The obscene film show was easier to ignore with a firm focus. Or maybe I was just getting used to it.

“I’m going to bed,” I told him, once I was finished. “You should do the same. I’ll leave tomorrow, Aleks. It’ll be better then.”

He brushed the back of his non-hurt hand down my cheek. “You need to give yourself time.”

I shook my head. “Time won’t help. I’m a different person now.”

He started to argue, his face all twitchy. I turned and left. There was only so much drama someone incapable of human emotion could take.

Back in my room, sleep remained elusive. A distant sadness wanted to make noise but couldn’t. I was actually glad when he burst in, put the lamp on, and climbed onto the bed. He made no sense, talking fast about different people.

“Look at me, Malphia. I need you to see me. You are not the one that is a different person. That man she is showing you, he is not me, is idiot.” He tapped his forehead with his fingers. “Does not exist now. He is dead from the second of seeing you. Is like spiritual awakening? Being born again? This is me. I fell in love with you. Am new person, never before been. Look at my face. Is changed, no?”

I examined him. It was interesting. My fingertips explored cheeks, eyebrows, nose, mouth, and returned to the cheekbones. He was right. His face was certainly different; it was less angular than the face of the man in the film. That man was much thinner. I closed my eyes to study the film man for a moment. The segmentation of his ribs was very clear through his skin.

So, what about the man who sat in front of me on the bed? I tugged at his shirt. He pulled it off. I felt his ribs, and his collar bones, and his shoulder blades. There was more flesh on them. This Aleks was much healthier.

“Something’s happening,” I realised. “The film. And the music. They’re slowing down. Talk to me, Aleks. Tell me things. True things.”

“I found you,” he said. “Find me now. See me. I am yours. Only yours.”

I pressed his cheeks back and gazed into his eyes. They were deep and brown and full of love. That wasn’t visible on the face of the other man, the film man. It wasn’t a film about love.

“It’s stopped,” I said.

I waited for it to resume. It didn’t. A musical echo faded away into an abyss.

I touched the dip on Aleks’s nose. I touched his mouth. It hurt to sit up on my knees, but I did it to kiss him, to remember what it was like.

I stated a fact. One that I’d just become aware of again. “I love you.” The truth of the words was huge. Feeling love once more, after the strange hiatus, was like being warmed from within by a great big pink fire. My body felt all melty and relaxed. I was so happy that Aleks was right there in front of me, loving me back. How blessed was I?

Something was happening. Something that hadn’t happened for a long time. I was crying. Properly crying. It was difficult to breathe as my storm hit. Huge and convulsive, it howled. He cradled me, and rocked us both, joining me in the great crying.

The deluge finally calmed, and we lay in the bed together. A huge tiredness washed over everything like a wave, and then pulled back, clearing sharp shingles away, leaving only golden sands in its wake.

Chapter 41

Therehadbeenaloud sound. “You’re okay,” he said. The words seemed to be both a statement and a question to which I nodded, tightening my grip about his waist and snuggling closer to him in the bed. The noise came again.

“Who is it?” he called.

It was Holly. She came in, saw us, and immediately backed out, saying, “Oh man.” The rest of the conversation was conducted through a thin crack at the side of the door. There were two ‘affa important-seeming’ men to see us, yes both of us, and it was nearly lunchtime.

“I will go and deal with this,” said Aleks.

“No!” Panic rose at the thought of his going, quickly followed by a specific fear. “Did you kill her? Did you kill Michelle?”

“No, angel. I stayed here with you.”

“Oh, yes.” I felt muddled and confused. Here I was, looking at Aleks, and it really was all okay. Nothing terrible was happening. My head was just my head, my mind my own again.

“I will get rid of whoever it is, and come straight back,” he said.

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