I pick up another item of clothing and pause with my hand in the air. “Raise the baby on my own?”
Sam exhales. “Look, I don’t want to be the one to say this, but it’s not like Carter is going to be able to help you even if you do stay, and that’s assuming he wants the baby to begin with. What if he tells you to put him up for adoption or something?”
I drop the dress and wheel around to face Sam. “He wouldn’t.”
Would he? I wish I knew for certain, but even I know Sam has a point.
Carter is the kind of man who is used to getting his way, and there’s nothing he dislikes as much as being rejected or disobeyed.
What if I defy Carter and keep the baby? Will it mean the end of us?
Sam untucks her legs and stands up. “I’m not saying he will or won’t. I honestly have no fucking clue. That man is a mystery to me, so I won’t pretend to understand him. But I think I know enough about you to know that you will not be able to live with it.”
I dig my nails into my palms. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve got a big heart, Isabella. Too big for any of this shit, and you love Carter too much to demand anything from him, even things he rightfully owes you.”
“He doesn’t owe me anything.”
Sam throws her arms up and comes to a stop a few feet away. Her eyes settle on my face, and a furrow appears between her brows. “Babe, Carter owes you a lot. He dragged you into this mess to begin with, knowing full well what it would mean for you and your life.”
“It’s not like he forced any of this on me. I chose this life, Sam.”
And I would choose it all over again for the chance to be with Carter.
I have very few regrets in that regard.
“Yes, but you chose it without knowing what it meant. It’s okay to admit that, Isabella. Even I don’t know what most of this means. But you and I… we’re different. We’re grown-ups. Right or wrong, our decisions are ours to make.”
I suck in a harsh breath. “Are you telling me I’m making the wrong decision for my baby? I wouldn’t endanger him or her like that.”
I already love my baby more than I thought was possible.
Over the last few weeks, as Carter has prepared himself to go to war with the warring families, Lilian, and everyone in between, I’ve spent my time online, reading about mothers and babies and all of the things I need to do to ensure the baby’s arrival is as smooth and painless as possible.
But none of the websites included advice on how to deal with the mob banging on my doorstep. Or getting bloodstains out of the carpets. And none of them will.
Sam takes both of my hands in hers, and her expression softens. “Isabella, I know you wouldn’t. I don’t mean it like that. I just want to make sure you’ve thought about this because it sounds to me like you chickened out.”
I wrench my hands away and give Sam a wounded look. “That’s a mean thing to say.”
“It’s not. You’re an emotional person, and you tend to make decisions based on your heart, not your head.” Sam gives a slight shake of her head, and her expression turns apologetic. “I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing, but in this case, you need all the help you can get.”
I blink back the tears. “I’m trying, Sam. You have no idea how hard all of this has been.”
Or how much I wish I could go visit my father, have him throw his arm around me, and stroke my hair. Suddenly, I’d give anything to have him with me, feel his body shielding mine, and hear his deep voice soothe all my fears. He would’ve known exactly what to do.
But nothing I say or do is going to bring him back, no matter how badly I want it to be true.
“I know all this is hard. I can’t even imagine what this must be like, but you need to be honest with yourself, Isabella. Starting with the article. Carter doesn’t know that you know, does he?”
I swallow and shake my head. “When he came home, and I saw his wound and the panic in his eyes, I… I just couldn’t do that to him.”
Not when it meant having that information between us. And giving the article more power than it already has.
Lilian is using her information like a weapon to force us apart, and I’ll be damned if I let her get away with it. Carter and I have been through too much to let one power-hungry, lustful journalist get in the way.
Sam grimaces. “I get it, but he will find out sooner or later. You can’t keep it a secret forever, and you need to figure out how you’re going to tell him about the baby.”