Page 16 of Magic and Mayhem

“Sometimes having a stronger personality go over the notes can help.” This was the dumbest part of my job, but I played stupid. “So I’m going to leave these here and see what you think.”

I handed over a fucking spiral notebook filled with observations about our fabulous citizens. Most of the notes were ridiculous, but there were a few things he actually needed to see because some of the alien neighbors in town weren’t faking it as well as others.

“And I’m also going to suggest that you go check in on Ms. Dobbs. She’s…” Floating. She was fucking floating. “She seems to be under the weather.”

Whatever the fuck was going on with her health was playing havoc with her ability to pretend to be human. “She’s sneezing a lot.”

I had the craziest fucking job.

But l must’ve made my point because my boss’s eyes gotrealwide. “Oh, I’ll have to go check on her.”

And give her a reminder not to answer the door when she can’t control herself.

What if the fucking UPS guy had been at the door?

He was definitely human and did not have the personality to deal with the locals.

“That’d be a good idea. Neighborly, you know.” Now I was talking like we were performing onThe Andy Griffith Show.

Fucking crazy job.

And it was about to get weirder, but that was my own fault.

As I headed out of his office, I stopped at the door and leaned against the frame. “You’ll see that one of the people I talked to is Mackenize McMillan.”

That was a fucking mouthful.

“I just thought I’d let you know that he seems to be in the clear for the gold problem, but because we still haven’t caught the thief, I should probably tell you that I’m taking him out to dinner.” And the eyes went wide again.

We were going to have to work on his poker face and his ability to use electronics.

“Kenzie is…” He paused, clearly thinking of the politest way to describe my little alien. “Kenzie is very talented. Did you know he runs his own business?”

That was what he was going with?

“Yes, he showed me around his workshop and I got a peek at the house when we were talking. He’s very talented.” And adorable, but I wasn’t going to volunteer that part. “There’s not a conflict of interest I should be aware of?”

Was the cutie going to eat me?

Zap me with a heat ray?

Accidentally beam me to wherever the fucking gold had gone?

My boss blinked for a few seconds, clearly wondering if he should tell me about Kenzie being an alien, but he finally shook his head. “Probably not, but let’s come back to this conversation again after you’ve been on a few dates. That seems reasonable.”

So a few dates and then I got told about the aliens?

That seemed like a fucking piss-poor way to keep a goddamned secret.

“Fine. I’m off for the day.”

Idiots.

It was no wonder the fucking government knew about the aliens if this was how well they kept secrets.

Shaking my head as I walked through the small building and wove my way through the stupidly designed rooms, I ignored the odd looks I got from the alien named Lizzie who worked at the front desk and headed to the parking lot.

I didn’t care what species she was, but she was a bossy fucker who kept trying to ban my goddamned microwave from the office. As long as the sheriff didn’t touch it, the damned thing wouldn’t blow up, and if she kept pestering me about it, I was going to tattle about the e-reader that she kept in some kind of box designed to keep electronics safe.

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