Page 52 of The Tides Between Us

“Is this what you’ve been doing all day?” Nico inquired, and Wes looked between the TV and me.

I shrugged.“So, what? Am I not allowed to be sad?”

Wes elbowed my brother. “Cut her some slack. You’d be a damn mess if Harper left for one single night.”

“We are apart when she doesn’t come to away games with me.” Nico narrowed his eyes at Wes. “And I wouldn’t leave her to goliveon the opposite side of the country.”

His words struck a nerve and I abruptly shot up into a seated position on the edge of the couch.“He didn’t want to go. I told him he had to.”

Nico scowled. “And he listened to you?”

“I insisted. I refuse to have him give up his life for me.”

Wes smiled at me. “You really are one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met.”

“And stubborn,” Nico added. His chest deflated as he let out a sigh. “I know you don’t want him to give it up for you, but did you ever consider that maybe things changed for him now?”

I stared back at my brother.“I know they did, but that doesn’t mean he needs to throw it all away right now. We’re going to make it work. We’re going to visit one another and talk every day.”

“How long until that’s not enough for either of you?” Nico asked me, his expression soft and warm. “I think I know what you’re doing, G.”

I tilted my head to the side.“And what is that?”

“This is your way of protecting yourself.If things go south, there’s already distance between the two of you. You think it will make things hurt less if they don’t work out.”

“Shit,” Wes mouthed before looking at the TV as his exit from the conversation.

I swallowed roughly as my brother saw right through me. He knew me better than anyone else and he just confirmed the one thing I had been keeping to myself this whole time. I never spoke the words to anyone yet he just simply knew it… because he would have done the same thing.

“What if they don’t? I’ve never felt this with anyone else before… and I don’t think I could handle losing someone else.”

“I know it still hurts from losing Mom, but people aren’t inserted into our lives to eventually leave us.” My brother’s eyes were filled with concern. “You’ve already let him in, G. It’s too late now. I can tell from the way he is with you—he has no intention of leaving you. And if he does, I’ll break his fucking face.”

My brother’s protectiveness earned the first real smile from me all day.

But I couldn’t argue with a single word he said.

I couldn’t protect my heart when it didn’t belong to me anymore.

CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT

DECLAN

My feet were steady on the board and I bent my knees, bracing myself to keep my balance as my board drifted across the surface of the water. The air coming off the ocean whipped past me and the wave curled into the perfect barrel. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I rode the swell, staying ahead of the crest crashing down behind me. It chased me through the water but it never caught up to me.

As I came out on the other side, I rode the surfboard closer to shore, letting the water push me in. I hopped off as I got close enough. The cool water rushed around my legs and my feet sank into the granules of sand. The Pacific Ocean was a stark contrast to the Atlantic.

It used to feel like home, but it just didn’t feel the same anymore.

I had only been back in California for a week and it had already felt like I had been back for months. It was strange how time distorted when you were longing for something that wasn’t there. Talking to Giana wasn’t as satisfying as being in her presence. I missed her touch, the way she smelled, the way she writhed in pleasure under my fingertips.

I fucking missed her more than I ever missed surfing.

Grabbing my board from the water, I walked across the beach, over to where I had left my belongings. It was early in the morning. I came out to watch the sunrise and surf before it got crowded. There were two other surfers in the water, but I paid them no mind. I just didn’t feel like my normal self anymore. It was hard to pick apart the mix of emotions that had me on a constant roller coaster.

I set my surfboard down in the sand and took a seat on top of it as I stared out at the sea. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore bounced off my eardrums. I shifted my weight. I was restless and wanted to crawl out of my own skin. It was a strange sensation, not something I was accustomed to. Gone was the carefree Declan. The one who coasted through life without a care in the world.

I just felt… empty and lost.

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