Page 20 of Confessions of a Christmasholic

Sutton yanked the door open to see Rosie sitting on the hallway carpet, having been abandoned by her brother and Pig. Sutton narrowed her eyes at her, suspecting her plea was a ploy to see what she was doing.

‘Do you really need to go?’ she demanded.

‘No, I got bored with looking at a shut door.’

Sutton had to respect her honesty. She left the door open and turned back to the sink. Rosie sat down on the edge of the bath, her deep blue eyes staring at her in fascination as she dragged her hairbrush through her hair.

‘Have you brushed your teeth, Rosie?’ she asked, while pulling her hair into a ponytail and snapping a hair band into place. She was quite proud of her calm tone: she usually needed two cups of coffee and an hour of silently contemplating her navel before she felt ready for any type of conversation.

Rosie put fingers in each side of her mouth and pulled her lips apart. ‘Yes! See?’

‘Good job,’ Sutton told her, removing her mascara from her makeup bag. She didn’t wear much makeup, but her light, thin eyelashes needed a lot of help. She brushed the mascara on, then slicked a little eyeliner into the corner of her eyes. Hey, she was living with someone – and not in the fun sense – who could feature on the cover ofMen’s Health. She preferred to look the best she could without making it look obvious that she’d tried.

‘Are you looking forward to school today? Is anything fun happening?’

‘We’re practising for the play. I’m an angel.’

Yes, Sutton knew. She’d only been around for a short time, and they’d had at least five conversations about her costume.

‘My best friend’s mum is taking her to buy a Christmas tree today.’

Sutton picked up a note of despondency in Rosie’s voice that she’d yet to hear from the outspoken, confident little girl. She looked in the mirror and saw Rosie’s bent head and slight pout. ‘Do you want to go buy a Christmas tree too?’ Sutton asked her.

‘No, Ben will cut one down for us, Nan has already picked it out. But Daddy needs to say yes, and he keeps saying he’ll get around to it, but then he doesn’t.’ Rosie lifted her head, and Sutton caught the faint sheen of distress in her blue eyes. ‘I don’t think Daddy likes Christmas very much, Sutton. It makes him sad.’

And they said kids were blissfully unaware! Sutton took a moment, not knowing how to respond. ‘What makesyousad, Rosie?’

Her little shoulders lifted. ‘I’d like to make Christmas cookies with Daddy but he doesn’t have the time. I want a Christmas tree, and go to the pantonine—’

‘Pantomime.’

Rosie waved her correction away. ‘I want to go shopping for presents, for Nan and Daddy and Pig and Pepper, and for my friends at school.’

‘Felix?’

‘No, I’m mad at him,’ Rosie informed her.

Fair enough. ‘Well, maybe I can help you with that,’ Sutton suggested. ‘We can go Christmas shopping one afternoon, and then maybe we can watch a movie too.’ She’d have to find out where the nearest cinema was, but it couldn’t be too far away.

Rosie beamed at her. ‘Just you and me?’

Nice try, kiddo. ‘I’m afraid we’ll have to take your brother too.’

‘Ugh.’

Sutton smiled at her disgusted face and replaced the cap on her mascara. The Langston twins were a handful – lively and energetic and smart – but they were also kids trying to navigate a world without a mum. Sutton knew that if Kate was around, she would be doing everything she could to make this first Christmas the twins would remember amazing. Apart from being crazy busy, and not having the time, Gus had his issues with Christmas. Maybe she could step into the breach…

In doing so, she could give herself the experience of a true Christmas, something she could remember for the rest of her life. The snowy, cold, hot-cider and mince pie Christmas she’d dreamed of as a kid. There wouldn’t be presents under the tree for her, but that didn’t matter, it was about the experience, not what you received. She could experience the season through the twins’ eyes, soak in their excitement and maybe she could put her Christmas issues/ghosts to rest.

She would have to run this by Gus and see if he would fund the extra expenses involved. But she knew he would, and Sutton planned to make the next three weeks as festive as possible.

For the twins. And for her. Turning back to her morning routine, she scrabbled in her bag to find her nose spray. If she didn’t take a dose every morning, her sinuses played up. She squirted a dose into each nostril, put everything back into her toiletry bag and, recalling how hard it was to clean eyeshadow, lipstick and mascara off walls, placed the bag on top of the bathroom cabinet where the twins couldn’t reach it. Judging by Rosie’s pout, the thought of playing with Sutton’s stuff had crossed her mind.

Rosie tugged on the hem of her cream-coloured jersey. ‘What did you put up your nose? And can I have some?’ Rosie demanded.

God, no! ‘It’s medicine for adults, Rosie, you absolutely cannot have any.’

‘But what is it?’ Rosie demanded, hands on her hips. Sutton saw the light of battle in her eyes and knew she wouldn’t stop nagging until she got an answer that satisfied her. Felix was easier to distract, and more laid back, but this child was as determined as all hell. Sutton suspected she might run the world one day.

---