Page 62 of Confessions of a Christmasholic

She didn’t know.

‘And, while you’re looking for an answer to that question, I’d be interested to hear when last she celebrated your triumphs, your happiness.’

What was he talking about? ‘I don’t understand,’ Sutton said, confused.

‘I don’t have many mates, Sutt, but the ones I do have are there for the good and bad. Malcolm and Grant were there for me in basic training when I thought I’d jack it in, and they talked me out of it. They came to stay with me when I lost Kate. They also make time to come to the important events in my life, like the twins’ first birthday party. Will and Eli brought over a bottle of whiskey the night I signed the lease for my premises, and we sat on the cold floor and got wasted. They toast my small victories, the twins sleeping through the night, a new client, as loudly as they do my big ones. It’s not only about being there when there’s a crisis, Sutton.’

Sutton rolled through her memories. Layla didn’t attend her uni graduation ceremony – she had stomach flu – and she sulked the night of her twenty-first. Sutton couldn’t even remember when last she told Layla about her successes with any of her patients. She’d told Gus, Moira, Eli and Will more in the few weeks she’d been in Conningworth than she’d told Layla in a decade. Gus might have a point.

But she couldn’t chuck in their friendship. Not yet. Sutton stroked Pepper’s back. She couldn’t believe she was having such an intense conversation while holding a pot-bellied pig. ‘So, here’s a question for you, Gus.’ He lifted his eyebrows and waited for it. ‘If Kate lived, and if she came to you and said, “Hey, I’m sorry, but we’ve got a lot between us, we can’t just chuck it in,” would you give her another chance?’

He grimaced and she carried on. ‘You told me it wouldn’t have been an easy decision to make, and my situation is complicated too. Love, platonic, familial, sexual, it’s all complicated. She’s my very best, and oldest friend, Gus,’ Sutton said quietly. And she’d fight for her and her friendship, as long as she could.

‘Maybe. But are you hers?’ he softly asked. Gus lifted his hand and stroked his thumb across her cheekbone. ‘You’ve got to work this out for yourself, Sutton. I hope you do.’

He lifted his finger and thumb to his mouth and released a piercing whistle. The twins looked up and he gestured for them to come back. They didn’t argue, and Sutton knew they were freezing and ready to return home.

Rosie looked around for Pepper and when she realised she was under Sutton’s coat, she slipped her hand inside and stroked her pig’s little butt. Then she looked up at Sutton, her blue eyes serious. ‘You’d make a good mum someday, Sutton. I love you a lot.’

The edges of Sutton’s heart started to melt. Then she wondered where Rosie was going with this. Oh, God, she hoped she wouldn’t ask her to be their mum. None of them were ready for that.

‘Thanks, Rosie-Roo,’ Sutton said, deliberately not looking at Gus. ‘I love you too. And I hope I have a boy and girl as wonderful as you and Felix one day.’

Rosie cocked her head to the side, incredulous. ‘Yeah, you wish. Can we have hot chocolate when we get back? Stirred clockwise?’

Yes, Your Majesty.

* * *

Sutton both hated and envied those people who could wrap Christmas presents with all the precision of an aircraft engineer. Her wrapping skills were more ‘let’s get this done’ than ‘let’s make it look exceptionally pretty’.

She was only halfway through wrapping the presents she’d ordered online for the kids, and she was already bored with it. Choosing the presents was fun, paying for them better – it was so wonderful to be able to spend money without experiencing a burning hole in her stomach – but wrapping them was something she’d happily farm out. Unfortunately, none of Santa’s elves were around to help her out.

Her presents, her problem.

Sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, she picked up a plastic dinosaur and flicked its tail with her thumb. How the hell was she supposed to wrap this up? Honestly, if she was President of The World she’d make one standard size for women’s clothing – earning gratitude from women the world over – and she’d make it law that all presents had to come with a wrapping rating. Buyers could factor in how hard they were to wrap before making the purchase.

Sutton opened a new roll of wrapping paper and reached for the scissors. She had to get this done before Will and Eli dropped off the twins after an afternoon at the Beatrix Potter Museum. Sutton knew Will and Eli would buy them all the books and a few stuffed toys. It didn’t matter that Christmas was around the corner, the boys loved the twins and thought, as their honorary uncles, they were entitled to spoil them. And they did, with gleeful abandon.

She’d miss Will and Eli’s easy friendship when she left, would miss how unjudgmental they were, and their positive attitudes. The Langstons were lucky to have them in their lives. And maybe, if she was very lucky, she’d retain contact with them after she left in a few days.Stop it, heart, you’re not withering away. This is the way it has to be.

Her phone rang with a video call and Sutton was grateful for the distraction because once she started that‘God, I don’t want to leave’spiral, it was hard to stop spinning. She picked up her phone but didn’t recognise the number. She swiped the green button and looked at the two strangers on her screen. Both were men wearing sharp suits and carefully knotted ties.

‘Ms Alsop?’

‘Uh, yes?’

The older of the two men introduced himself as the chief recruitment officer for the Fort Johns Hospital group. Sutton gulped. ‘And this is Anders Gunderson, he’s the head of our occupational therapy department.’

Oh, shit! This was, essentially, a job interview. She had tape on her fingers, messy hair and her sweatshirt had a coffee stain over her right boob.Shitdamncrap.

The man who would be her new boss smiled into the camera. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t give you a warning about this call, but two of my therapists just resigned and I need new people,fast.’

Sutton gestured to her clothes. ‘Can I take a moment to freshen up and call you back?’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t mind if you don’t. And carry on with wrapping presents if that’s what you need to do.’

Uh, no. This was one time when she shouldn’t test her multi-tasking skills. Taking a deep breath, she nodded. They wanted to do this now, so they’d do it now. Frankly, she’d do pretty much anything to get this job.

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