Page 51 of Confessions of a Christmasholic

Who would Owen choose to comfort, his wife or his mistress? What facet of his life was more important to him? Excitement and, possibly, great sex with a younger woman, or familiarity, comfort and years spent together? What did he value more? She, like the rest of the room, waited to see whom he’d choose.

‘Fuck him, and fuck this,’ Gus muttered. Sutton watched, astounded, as he left her side to push through the crowd. He stopped in front of Alice, his big body providing a screen between him and the rest of the room. Why was Gus interfering? He was just a client, not particularly friendly with Owen, and he knew no one here. Why was he stepping up to comfort a woman he’d only met a few hours earlier?

Sutton watched as Gus put his hand on Alice’s arm and lowered his head to speak in her ear. Alice cocked her head, listening intently. Gus turned, caught her eye and nodded to the exit, a silent order for her to meet him there. Then he placed his hand on Alice’s back and steered her through the crowd, his fierce scowl suggesting people moved the hell out of their way.

Right.Okay then.

It took Sutton longer to get into the lobby. Through the windows of the lobby, she watched Gus and Alice outside, his hand still on her back. He’d retrieved her coat, and Sutton noticed Alice wobbling on her expensive heels. A taxi pulled up next to them, and Gus reached into his jacket to pull out his wallet. He opened the back door to the taxi, helped a now crying Alice inside and handed the driver some cash. After exchanging a few words with the driver, he stepped back, and the taxi pulled away.

He watched the taxi until its lights disappeared, his face etched with grief and anger. He scrubbed his face and linked his fingers behind his head, tipping his face to look up. Instinct told her to hang back, to stay where she was, feminine wisdom suggesting he needed time to get his emotions under control. Gus, as she knew, valued control and emotional distance.

Sutton made herself useful, retrieved their coats, and then sat on the backless bench in the lobby, waiting for Gus to join her. She stroked his thigh-length coat, trying to tamp down her curiosity. Why was he so affected by what happened to Alice? Had he helped her purely because he was a good guy who didn’t enjoy having a ring-side seat to her humiliation? Sutton felt a stab of self-loathing, knowing she’d initially enjoyed the show a little too much. Had the revelations of Owen’s infidelity triggered something within him? Should she ask about it or should she let it go?

She wanted to know, she wanted to knowhim, needing to dig under the grumpy, reticent man who pretended to love Christmas but actually hated it, who put himself out to help the community, but took himself on punishing runs – or punched an inflatable Santa – to relieve stress and steam. The man who was a brilliant father, and an excellent son-in-law, someone trying to keep his dead wife’s memory alive as much as he could.

But asking questions, and getting answers, would strengthen the bond between them, and would add more strands to the rope binding them together. The stronger the rope, the harder, and more painful, it would be to break those strands when she left. It would take energy and effort to walk away, more than she wanted to expend.

She wanted to be able to kiss his cheek and wave goodbye, happy to move on. But he was making that difficult for her… Not only because he was a great lover and she wanted more of the pleasure he so effortlessly drew to the surface, but because he intrigued her. He was smart and sensitive and had the emotional depth of the Mariana Trench. There were currents and eddies and caves to his personality, and she wanted to explore them all. She wanted to dive into him…

But that meant exploringallof him, every facet of his life. Gus wasn’t a solitary creature who lived alone. He had the twins, and they were, as they should be, his priority. Getting to know Gus and being a part of his life meant becoming a part oftheirlives, embracing his children, his friends and even his mother-in-law, as fully as she did him. He was a package deal. Sutton wasn’t ready for something so deep, nor was she ready for the long-term responsibility of having the twins in her life.

As little as they were, the twins understood, as much as they were able to (and as much as they cared) that she wasn’t sticking around, and she’d be leaving before Christmas. She deliberately kept her emotional distance from them, reminding them as often as she could she was leaving and the chances of them crossing paths again weren’t high. She didn’t want them to feel like she’d come into their lives to stay, and then feel abandoned when she left.

They’d had enough grief in their young lives; she didn’t want to add to it. Kids were smart, they understood more than adults believed they did. And they valued the truth. It was society that taught them how to lie. To themselves and each other.

She was worried about Gus and the twins, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t trying to protect herself too. What if she stupidly fell for Gus, how could she trust him with her heart? How could she trust anybody ever again? She’d genuinely believed Layla would never let her down, would never stab her in the heart.

But her best friend, the sister of her soul, the keeper of her secrets, had lied to her and betrayed her. If she couldn’t trust her, how could she trust anyone again? No, it was better to live life alone than to take a chance on loving and losing, of trusting and being disappointed.

Sutton stared down at the carpet below her borrowed-from-Moira heels. Her deal with Gus was now exponentially more complicated than she’d anticipated, but she had to keep her head. She could sleep with the guy, but she wasn’t allowed to fall for him. She could look after and have fun with his kids but not become attached to them. She could live in his home, but she couldn’t call it home. She needed to think more and feel less.

She needed to be prudent and practical. Rational and reasonable.

Gus lifted his head and saw her watching him through the window, and his expression softened. Man, how was she supposed to keep her feet on the ground, when he looked at her like she was all he wanted, the only person he needed?

ChapterTwelve

Their hotel was just around the corner from the Christmas party venue, but Gus asked Sutton whether she was happy to walk for a while instead of heading straight there. She looked down at her feet – she was unused to heels – but he didn’t take the hint, looking past her head.

‘I need to work off some energy,’ he told her, ‘to suck in some fresh air.’

She thought about suggesting he work off energy by making love to her. Or she could remind him that, compared to the Lake District, Manchester air wasn’t particularly fresh. But then she caught the combination of what she thought might be grief and frustration in his eyes, and she nodded. She could walk for a while longer…

She shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat, thankful it wasn’t too cold tonight. The shop windows of both the high-end retailers and the small independent shops were decorated for Christmas and Sutton had to admire the owners’ and designers’ creativity and flair for the dramatic. There were the traditional winter wonderland scenes with cottages and Christmas trees, and abstract snowflake and Christmas tree designs in popping colours, giving just the barest nod to the season.

Felix would love the miniature train running through the three windows of the toy shop. A troop of reindeer, with a red nosed Rudolph – who looked like he had an extremely painful bout of gout – flew through the star-studded sky above the train. Rosie would get a kick out of a five-foot automated Barbie placing a bauble on a half-decorated Christmas tree.

Manchester’s main streets and squares wore their best sparkling lights and most colourful decorations, illuminating the cityscape. Sutton had seen at least five towering Christmas trees, branches laden with fake snow, and shimmering ornaments and ribbons. The magnificent Manchester Town Hall sported grand wreaths and garlands, and the granddaddy of Christmas trees, adorned with thousands of twinkling lights, made tourists and locals stop and stare.

Ten days to go and the city, and the rest of the country, had caught up with Conningworth’s accelerated Christmas schedule. The lights were fantastically pretty. Many buildings were illuminated with colours and patterns, and the reflections from the lights shimmered on the pavement. If she ignored her stoic date, and her aching feet, their evening stroll was magical and romantic.

But her stomach kept grumbling. It was hours since she’d scoffed the small portions of the haute cuisine meal served at the hotel. She could murder a burger or a curry…

‘So, that was quite a scene back at the hotel.’

Sutton jerked at the sound of Gus’s voice. He hadn’t said anything for ages, and she’d left him to his thoughts. But his out-of-the-blue comment jerked her out of her fantasies of eating Nando’s.

‘Uh, yeah. It was…’ She couldn’t say entertaining because she felt sorry for all the parties involved. Alice and the mistress were both distressed, Owen too.

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