Page 17 of Confessions of a Christmasholic

Sutton opened the door marked ‘Staff Only’ and winced when a gust of cold air swirled around her legs. She looked back to see a middle-aged couple approaching the desk, immediately demanding Anton’s attention. Damn, no chance of coffee now.

After climbing the stairs, Sutton walked through an open-plan office where five people sat at their desks. She kept a pleasant smile on her face. At the far end were two offices, both with their doors open. She stopped at the first one and saw a blond guy on the phone. Catching her eye, he pointed to the office next door.

Sutton took a deep breath and rapped on Gus’s half-open door. She heard his deep voice telling her to come in and nudged the door open with her foot, thrusting her hands back into her coat pockets. Gus stood at his window, and she took a moment to look at him, enjoying his big, rangy body. His long-sleeved Henley was tight across the shoulders and arms and fell from his chest, covering the pockets of his jeans. Casual clothes suited his work environment, but man, she’d bet everything she had – which wasn’t very much – that he’d rock a suit. His clothes-horse body would make a brown paper bag look great.

She didn’t need to be attracted to Gus Langston, she had enough problems to deal with, thanks all the same. She just needed to sleep in his bed – no, not his bed, a bed he owned! – and eat his food. She’d look after his twins as best she could. Sutton sighed, feeling like she needed to lie down at the thought.

Gus perched on the edge of the windowsill and stretched out his long legs. He looked at his watch. ‘You’re on time,’ he stated, sounding a little surprised.

Admittedly, he’d seen her at her worst, but a drunken destroyer wasn’t who she normally was. Normally, she was sensible, practical and ridiculously normal. ‘I see clients in my professional life, remember? They tend to get annoyed if they are kept waiting.’

‘You left South Africa four months ago, right?’

Sutton nodded. ‘I travelled around Europe, then Ireland, and spent a little time in Scotland.’

‘That’s an expensive trip considering your weak currency.’

She was aware. It was also why she’d needed fifteen-plus years to save. She had a strict daily budget and a small amount of money set aside for emergencies. Sutton resisted the urge to check her phone to see if she’d missed any calls or messages. But she knew she hadn’t. Layla was still ghosting her.

Sutton pushed away the panic. For today, for the next few weeks, she had what she most needed, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, an endless supply of coffee and an under-the-counter income.

Gus stood up and walked over to her and held out his hand. ‘Let me take your coat.’

Nuh-uh. She shook her head. ‘I’m fine.’

He looked down at her, his eyes raking her face. Then his gaze dropped down to focus on her hands in her pockets. ‘Your lips are an interesting shade of blue and I bet your hands are too. I take it you walked here?’

She shrugged. ‘No car.’

Gus raked a hand through his hair and cursed. ‘I was late, frazzled and didn’t think. Why didn’t you call me, or call for a taxi?’

She raised her eyebrows. ‘You didn’t leave me any contact details and I didn’t think this village was big enough for a taxi operator.’

‘It isn’t. Old Bill Rodgers hauls people around for a little extra money...something you wouldn’t know. You should’ve called me.’ He grimaced. ‘But, yeah, no contact details. Let’s sort that out right now.’

Sutton unlocked and then handed over her phone, waiting as he added his number to her contacts and added hers to his. Then Gus placed her phone on his desk and tugged her hands from her pockets. Sutton sucked in a shocked breath when her hands disappeared into his. He looked down, frowned and started rubbing her hand between his, the motion sending prickles into her fingers and up her arm.

She bit her lip but didn’t jerk her hands from his as the heat slowly returned to them. Even though they stood apart, she felt the heat rolling off him. She wanted to push her nose into his neck, have his big arms wrapped around her, his thigh between her legs.

Sutton looked away, wishing she could step into his arms. It would be lovely to feel like she could rest in someone else’s strength. But that wasn’t the way life worked; she knew she could only ever rely on herself.

Sutton abruptly pulled her hands from his. ‘Thanks, I’m fine.’

‘You need some decent cold-weather clothes,’ Gus told her, stepping back.

She couldn’t afford them. Ignoring his comment, Sutton looked around the room, her interest caught by a wall of photographs. She moved closer, her eyes bouncing from frame to frame. Gus was in many of the pictures, doing impossibly difficult things. In some photographs he was barely recognisable, his smile framed by a bushy beard. Miles of snow-covered mountains formed the backdrop of many photographs.

‘Your operation is impressive,’ Sutton said, trying to sound casual. ‘How did you come to start your business?’

Gus perched on the edge of his desk. ‘After I left the army, I worked part-time for an adventure company, but I also guided biologists and anthropologists on their research trips into remote, often dangerous regions. I merged the two ideas, and gradually built the business up to where it is today.’

‘Do you still consult?’ Sutton asked, interested. She should be talking about his kids, and the role he wanted her to take on, and not his business and his past.

‘I wish I did, it was the best part of the job,’ Gus replied. ‘But I can’t be away from the twins, so I subcontract people to do those trips.’

Sutton instinctively understood he missed being active, missed the challenge of that aspect of the job. But he was a single dad, and she appreciated his desire to put his kids first. Raising children, and looking after them as a single parent, was hard.

And after she was done looking after Gus’s twins, she’d be done. If not for ever, then for a long, long time. She was mostly happy being single, and loved not being responsible for anyone else. Kids required sacrifices. She’d forfeited her teenage years to help raise her siblings, and she’d given enough to whatever gods were in charge of child-raising.

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