Page 44 of The Baby Behind Their Marriage Merger

She looked into his confused eyes and shook her head. ‘I don’t think you can, Jude, because you can’t trust me. And because you can’t put me first, ahead of Fisher International. I refuse to be the little girl I was, trailing behind the shooting star, praying that now and again you’ll look back and remember that I’m there. I’ve done that, it’s not fun. I’d rather live without you—and Icanlive without you—than be anything less than your everything.’

‘You’re asking for a lot, Addi,’ Jude said, his eyes narrowing.

She lifted one shoulder in a desperate shrug. She wished he would leave. She desperately wanted to cry, but she wouldn’t, not when he was there. ‘Maybe. Maybe I should be grateful to get whatever you decide to give, but I’m not that type of girl. Like my sisters, I deserve a guy who will make me his entire world. And, if you can’t be that man, then I would rather be alone.’

Jude dropped his head to look at the floor and Addi brushed past him to pull open her front door. ‘Please go, Jude. If you love me a little, if you just harbour a little affection for me, go. Go before I stop being brave.’

Jude turned round, walked towards the door and stopped next to her. He leaned down and Addi tensed, hoping he wouldn’t kiss her. He hesitated but pulled back. ‘I’m so sorry I can’t give you what you need, Addi. The level of trust you require is impossible for me.’

‘I know,’ Addi whispered.

As she watched him walk to his car, tears rolled down her face and dripped off her chin. Yep, watching someone she loved walk away wasn’t getting any easier.

Lex sat cross-legged on the couch next to Addi, horror and sympathy in her eyes. She held a large glass of wine in her hands and Addi was tempted to wrench it out of her grasp and knock it back. She needed the soothing properties of the fermented grape.

‘How far along are you?’ Lex asked.

‘Eleven, twelve weeks?’ Addi replied, wrinkling her nose. It was difficult to think. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool and her heart was anvil-heavy in her ribcage. On the big screen in her mind, she kept watching Jude walk away, devastation in his eyes.

Had she been too tough on him? Had she acted too hastily? Had she not given him enough time to learn to trust her—had she expected too much?

She missed him. She missed him so much that even her hair was hurting...

‘When are you going to have your first scan?’ Lex asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. She waved a listless hand. ‘Some time.’

‘Ads, you are the most together person I know, and the fact that you don’t know, to the hour, how far along you are or when your next appointment is concerns me. I’d expected you to have made six lists, booked Lamaze classes and started investigating schools.’

She’d get back to being her organised self soon. Right now, she was just trying to keep her heart and soul together, and she didn’t have the energy to be a control freak. ‘I’m sorry I fell pregnant, Lex. I’m sorry I messed up.’

Lex pulled back to look at her, her lovely face shocked. ‘Why are you apologising to me?’

‘We made an oath. We said that we wouldn’t follow in Joelle’s footsteps.’

‘Oh, Ads, you are so hard on yourself.’ Lex put her wine glass on the coffee table and lifted her hand to stroke her hair. ‘I know that you were on the pill and that Jude probably used a condom. This little munchkin—’ Lex pushed the tip of her finger into Addi’s stomach —‘obviously wanted to be here. She fought past two contraceptives to be here. God, she’s a warrior.’

‘She could be a boy,’ Addi murmured.

Lex grinned. ‘No, she’s a girl. We only make girls, Ads.’ She rubbed her hand over Addi’s belly. ‘I’m so excited to meet the newest member of our clan, Ads. You are going to be such a great mum.’

Addi shook her head. ‘I’m not so good with Nixi and Snow, not as good as you.’

Lex shook her head. ‘Addi, you were working, trying to make money to keep us fed and clothed and safe. You were exhausted. You don’t have to beeverythingto everybody.’

Jude had said the same. And maybe it was time to give herself a break, to accept that she’d done the best she could with the resources she had, mental, physical and financial, and move on. Everyone was fine...

Well, she wasn’t, but her sisters were.

‘I’m still mad you didn’t tell me about the baby and the legal battle earlier, Addison.’

Addi winced. ‘I was trying to spare you the stress.’

‘Ads, I’m not a little girl any more and you don’t need to protect me,’ Lex told her. ‘I’m your sister, an adult, and I deserve to be treated as one.’

Addi scrunched up her face, knowing she was right. It wasn’t her job to protect Lex any more, to look after her. She was perfectly capable of looking after herself and it was time she backed down and away. ‘I know. And I’m sorry.’

Luckily, Lex didn’t hold grudges. ‘Cole told me that it was the priest who leaked the news of your marriage to the press, by the way. He sold the story, but only after Jude’s fat donation hit his bank account.’

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