Page 93 of The Facilitator 1

He stood to refresh our coffee cups. “So, you have questions,” hesaid.

“They don’t seem so important now,” Isaid.

“All questions are important. What is it you want to askme?”

I sat and looked at him for amoment.

“How often do you visit yourclub?”

He smiled, “I was waiting for that one. Not as frequently as you imagine, maybe once a month. I haven’t had time to form a relationship, Lauren. And as I said, not being able to father a child has always stopped me. But I still haveneeds.”

“Have you…sincewe…”

“No. That was the first time. I wanted you to experience something in a safeenvironment.”

“Why are you doingthis?”

“This?”

“What we do,why?”

“Because I want to, because you want to. I want you to love yourself again, to explore and discover who you reallyare.”

“The Facilitator,huh?”

“No, just Mackenzie Miller. A man who wants to be alongside you while youexplore.”

“What if I don’t like what I’mdiscovering?”

“Suchas?”

“Friday. What if there’s a part of me that says I should not have enjoyed that as much as Idid?”

“Then it’s that part of your brain you need to work on. I don’tenjoywatching two men; I get nothing from that. Ienjoyedwatching your reaction to it. There is nothing wrong in what you, we,did.”

“I guess I’ve just not been around that level of, I don’t know what the word is, sex,maybe?”

“Which is why it fascinates you, isn’t it? Which is why you get so aroused byit.”

His voice had lowered, that gravelly tone was back. My hand shook slightly as I held my coffeecup.

“I’m scared, Mackenzie. How far do I go? Where do I stop? What happens when those experiences aren’tenough?”

“Then you find someone who’s able to give you what you want on a regular basis,” he whispered, as he pulled his stool closer tome.

I blinked back the tear that had formed in my eye. He’d made it clear there would be no relationship between us and my heart broke a little. In light of what I knew, the age difference, and despite trying to convince myself otherwise, I was in love withhim.

“Now, BDSM,” hesaid.

“I don’t want that, I couldn’t be submissive, call you Master, and all that,” Isaid.

He laughed. “There are so many elements to what you call BDSM, Lauren. You can explore part or all ofit.”

“I liked what I saw, the cross thing,” I whispered, trying to quell theembarrassment.

“You like restraint, you’d like for me to control your body, when you come, how hard youcome?”

“Yes.”

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