Page 78 of The Facilitator 1

“At least you don’t have to get up early,” hesaid.

He’d parked the car near the door to the lifts. He climbed out and walked around to my side. Once again, he helped as I joined him. We took the lift to my floor and I opened the door to my apartment. I expected him to walk in behind me but hehadn’t.

“I need to get home,” he saidgently.

“Oh, okay.” I wasn’t sure what to sayreally.

He took a step over the threshold and placed his hands either side of myhead.

“You were stunning tonight,” hewhispered.

“I’d like you tostay.”

“I wish I could. I have a very early Skype meeting. In fact, in about an hour and ahalf.”

We stood in silence for a moment and he just stared at me. I felt the spark between us; I thought I saw it in his eyes, but I was too scared to sayanything.

“I can smell myself on your hands,” Iwhispered.

He leaned forward until his mouth was near myear.

“And that’s why I didn’t shower. I want to smell you for as long aspossible.”

He gave me a gentle kiss and then he wasgone.

13

Ididn’t gostraight to bed. I sat for ages with a cup of tea at the kitchen table and watched the sun begin to riseinstead.

I thought on what Mackenzie had said,I was finding myself. I was discovering what aroused me, what I had been missing out on after spending years of being with one man: a man who had no sense ofadventure.

I just needed to decide if the person I was discovering was someone I liked. I certainly enjoyed the experience, although I was left confused. I guessed I was conditioned to not want that, to find it disgusting or perverted even. I’d read the sexy novels, thankful I had a Kindle, so others couldn’t see what I was reading. I’d even gone to the extreme of changing the cover on a hardback once. I’d been jealous of the female characters, as irrational as that was. Experiencing it, in real life, was exciting and terrifying, shameful and uplifting, I wanted to stop; yet I wanted tocontinue.

I’d never seen two men have sex though, and it was that, which aroused memore.

I sent atext.

BDSM, what do you know aboutit?

Mackenzie’s reply was almost immediate, and then I remembered he’d be in his onlinemeeting.

Why?

Because that’s next on mylist.

I turned off the phone, not expecting a reply and headed to the bedroom. I stripped off my clothes and naked, climbed under the covers. I slept until mid-afternoon.

* * *

The first thingI did when I woke was to turn on my phone. Mackenzie hadreplied.

BDSM – Google it, then decide. You didnotwitness BDSM, just a small part ofit.

I did as he asked. I opened the laptop and Googled. Pages and pages of information came up. Some, the extreme elements such as being led around on all fours by a dog lead, did nothing for me. Others, like the St. Andrew’s cross, the flogger, the spanking bench even, produced that bubble of excitement I was getting addictedto.

I closed down the tabs and thought.Exactly what was it Iwanted?

I didn’t want to be a submissive, I didn’t want to be collared and have to call Mackenzie ‘Master’ or some other shit. But I did want the restraint; I wanted to feel those leather cuffs against my skin and be held in one position. I wanted to feel the painful pleasure, and the heat my skin would produce after the sting of being flogged. I wanted Mackenzie to take complete control of my body, of my mind, and of mysoul.

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