Page 102 of Every Thought Taken

Damn, I fucking love her.

Ales always stood up for me when we were younger. Went to battle for me when I’d been content ignoring the issue. But it was Helena that gave me real strength. It was Helena that showed me real love. And it will always be Helena I am most vulnerable with.

I love my sister, but that love is microscopic when compared to how I feel about Helena. Ales and I will always have this easy familial connection. But my bond with Helena is fierce. A force to be reckoned with. An intoxicating and addictive and undeniable passion.

We agreed to take things slow. To ease back into us. But with each passing day, the buzz in my veins begs me to move faster. To hold her closer. Secure her hand in mine and never let go. After all the ups and downs, she is still my best friend. The first person I think of in the morning. The last person I think of before falling asleep. And based on our incessant need to spend every free moment together, the lover part of our relationship will reignite sooner rather than later.

Much as I wanted to wait, to take things slow, I don’t want to waste time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. We’ve already lost enough in our time apart. I refuse to lose more.

I twist and drop my lips to hers. Press a sweet kiss on her mouth. “Love you, North.”

Her lips tip up at the corners. “Love you, Ander.”

“Alright, you two.”

We break our stare and look at Ales.

“Getting a little nauseous over here.”

I grab the closest pillow and chuck it in her direction. “Shut up.” I chuckle. “At least we aren’t face fucking like the two of you.” I wag a finger between her and Braydon. “No one will complain if you tone down the PDA.”

She tosses the pillow back and hits my head. “Not my fault.” Unashamed, she shrugs. “Chemistry. It is what it is.”

I could argue with my sister. Tell her Helena and I have more chemistry than the two of them. Debate it with years of angst and secret touches and discreet physical affection. But I won’t. Last thing I want to hear is what she and Braydon do behind closed doors. And I sure as hell am not sharing what Helena and I have done. Hard pass.

“Serious talk,” she says, loosening her hold on the blanket around her shoulders. “Do you want to try to fix things with Mom and Dad? No pressure. It’s your call.” She leans into Braydon. “I want to be on the same page as you. I don’t want to say or do something opposite of what you want. Not after everything you just shared.”

Dropping my gaze to my lap, I fiddle with the fringe on the pillow. Ponder over where to go from here.

When I initially decided to return to Lake Lavender, it was for two reasons. Rekindle my relationship with Helena or let her go. Repair the strain on my relationship with my parents or let them go. Ideally, I want to have happy, healthy relationships with everyone. But the world doesn’t always work in ideals.

Months ago, I rolled into town with a twinge in my gut.

Mending the past with Helena and navigating our way toward the future was second nature. Through thick and thin, our connection always existed. Like any couple, we suffered struggles and roadblocks. Unfortunately, I battled those darker moments with a warped mind. But we were young. Naive. Optimistic for things we didn’t quite understand during that stage of our life.

Now, we have experience and heartbreak and reason under our belts. We talk and share everything on our minds. More than that, we support and fight for each other. I am her strength as much as she is mine.

Stitching up and rebuilding my relationship with my parents… isn’t so cut and dry.

I don’t know what it is my mother dislikes about me, but I do know it isn’t my place to fix it. If she wants me in her life, she needs to work on herself. She needs to see a therapist like I did. She needs to open up and give a voice to whatever causes her to cast me aside, to look at me with such disdain.

After the stare-down tonight, after witnessing her rage, I refuse to sabotage my mental health for her. Until she seeks help and shows signs of improvement, I have no desire to be anywhere near her.

As for Dad… if he chooses to continually pacify her behavior, I will let him go too. I won’t listen to his pleas to placate her actions and words. I won’t stand next to a spineless man because he wants his wife to feel like a queen when she is anything but.

I don’t want to let either of them go, not fully, but am mentally prepared to do so.

Inhaling deeply, I lock on to blue irises. “I want to try, but don’t know if I’m ready.”

With a gentle nod and soft smile on her lips, Ales says, “Say the word. I’m here whenever you need.” She extends her hand and I take it.

“Thanks, Ales. Love you.”

“Love you more, A.”

CHAPTER57

HELENA

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