Page 88 of Every Thought Taken

Unstacking the deli packages, I spread them across the counter. “Roasted chicken, honey ham, some kind of meat alternative, cheese.”

From his spot on the couch, Braydon chuckles. “Yeah, we’re experimenting with more meatless options. Some are… undesirable. Others are surprisingly good.”

Ales offers a variety of foods in the coffee shop, wanting to accommodate anyone walking through the door. Makes me happy she tries the foods she puts on her menu too. Such a smart businesswoman.

Plant-based options aren’t a complete turnoff. On the road, I tried to keep minimal perishables on hand. I have a fridge in my van, but it doesn’t hold much. I reserve the space for necessities. Meat and dairy haven’t always been essential. Being on the road taught me how to make the most of food. How to get requisite nutrition with a mix of fruit, vegetables, nuts, and grains. Occasionally, I splurged on jerky, but the salt deterred me more often than not.

Dehydration mixed with hiking ten miles does no one any good.

“Whatever is running low, I’ll take the last of it. Mustard and cheese, please.”

“Sure thing.”

I go about making sandwiches for us, cutting them down the middle and plating them with chips. After cleaning the counter, I carry the plates to the living room and park next to him on the couch.

“Thanks,” he says, setting his laptop aside and taking the plate. “Appreciate it.”

“No problem.” I tip my head toward his laptop. “Working?”

He finishes the bite in his mouth, washing it down with water. “Yeah. Well, trying to.” He pops a chip in his mouth and exhales audibly. “After everything that happened with the shop, the vandalism and fire, I told my dad I wanted to try working remotely.”

“Is he not okay with it?” I bite into my own sandwich.

Braydon turns to meet my gaze, a wrinkle between his brows. “He’s more on board with it than I expected.”

“But?”

Without a doubt, Braydon loves being here with Ales. They are sickly adorable. All hands and lips and public displays whenever possible. But I sense a struggle within him. One he won’t share with Ales.

“Dad told me to take time off to help JTM get back to rights. Now that most of it is done, I’m bored.”

If anyone understands this feeling, it is definitely me. Being on the road is exhilarating. One day to the next, you never know what will happen. Who you will meet. What surprises you will experience on each adventure. Seeing as Braydon traveled the majority of the time for his job, and now he isn’t, I understand the itchy need to get up and go.

“I haven’t hung out with my sister much in years, but if she’s anything like I remember, she won’t hold you back. Her dream is the coffee shop. It always has been. But her dream doesn’t have to be yours. And she’d be upset with herself if she thought you gave up everything for her.”

Ales loves Braydon. I see it in every smile and hug and kiss they share. But she will beat herself up if she thinks he is unhappy here. She will push him away to let him have the life she thinks he wants. I may have been gone for years, but I still know my sister. She’d sacrifice her happiness for others. She’d let him go, even if it hurt, so he doesn’t feel anchored to an undesirable life.

“Honestly, I’m good with working remotely for Dad, but would like to find a job at the local paper.” He sets his plate on the table, then rests his elbows on his knees. “I love traveling, but I no longer want to do it alone. Unless it’s a day trip, it holds no interest.” He tilts his head to meet my eyes. “Know what I mean?”

Did I ever.

I love living on the road. The fresh air. The freedom to be myself at every turn. No one whispering in my ear, telling me every way I’ve fucked up. If I wake up and don’t want to leave bed all day, I don’t. On the road, I answer only to myself. It’s on the road that I learned how to listen to my body and heart. I learned how to respect my own desires and not fear what others thought of them.

Living in the van is the most incredible form of liberation.

Then one day, I missed home. Not necessarily the town or house I grew up in. Home has never been a specific location. Helena… has always been my home. My light. My peace.

And damn, I missed her. Knowing she missed me just as much…fuck, it is pain and relief and scary as hell.

“Yeah. I get it.” I pause for a moment, contemplating my next words.Fuck it.“Which is why I plan on asking Helena to go vanning with me for a week.”

“Helena?” He sits straighter, his gaze scrutinizing every line on my face. “I didn’t realize you two—”

“Please don’t say anything.” I shove a chip in my mouth. “Ales doesn’t know everything. It was a long time ago.” On an audible exhale, I swallow past the fear bubbling in my chest. “I came back for her. To fix things. To find our way back to…” I shrug. “I don’t know. Something like before, I guess.”

He holds up both hands in surrender. “Promise not to say anything, but don’t keep it from her long.” Soft laughter leaves his lips. “Your sister is my weakness, and I won’t keep secrets from her.”

Braydon really is a good guy. Though neither he nor Ales were interested in a serious relationship, they had an undeniable connection. He couldn’t stay away and she was tired of fighting her feelings. It hadn’t been easy for her to confess, but I’m happy she did. His love for her makes her glow.

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