Page 80 of Every Thought Taken

My thumb brushes her knuckles. “You don’t have to say anything. Part of healing is becoming vulnerable.” I lace our fingers. “And I’ve always been the most vulnerable with you.” I drop my gaze to our hands and lose focus.Damn, I missed this. Her.“I’d like us to start over again,” I confess as I meet her waiting stare.

“Start over?” She tilts her head.

“Friendship.”

“Oh.” The single syllable is almost inaudible, but I hear her disappointment in those two letters.

The server returns with our meals, confusion scrunching her brow. “Are the spring rolls okay?”

Helena blinks a few times, plasters on a faux smile and looks up at her. “They’re fine, Angelica. Just catching up. Thank you.”

Relief relaxes her expression. “Okay, good. Let me know if you need anything else.” And then she wanders to another table.

I release Helena’s hand and finish my spring roll. Silence falls over the table as we dig into our meals. But it isn’t long before I break the silence.

“It’s important that we start at the bottom again. Believe me, I want more,” I admit with a subtle nod. “But it isn’t that simple. My therapist says rebuilding relationships is vital. Trust and confidence were two things I lacked years ago. To have healthy future relationships, I need to gain them.”

“I trust you, Ander.”

Piercing a carrot and piece of chicken, I dunk the forkful in the curry. I shove the bite in my mouth and give myself a moment before responding. Swallowing, I sip my water.

“That means a lot.”

She smiles as she brings noodles and broccoli to her lips.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I need to feel it.” I tap a hand over my heart. “After you left and I did what I did, no one trusted me. Time alone was a luxury I no longer had. It was stifling. Suffocating.” Parents, teachers, the town gossip mill, everyone tiptoed around poor little Anderson. Every day, I was asked how I felt by dozens of people. I understood why, but after a while, it came across as less than genuine. Early on, I’d tallied how many times I was asked each day. Some days, it was fifteen. Other days, it was thirty-two.

Either way, it was a nuisance and constant reminder.

“I buried myself in school assignments. Set myself up to graduate early. Worked at the same grocery store I stole from. Saved every possible penny and formed a plan.” The plan was rocky at best, but it was the only escape I had within my means. “I won’t lie, leaving was rough. There were lots of skipped meals and odd jobs that first year. But the longer I was away, the easier it got.” After years of parental suppression and a mountain of demons on my shoulders, being on the road let me breathe my first real breath.

“Friendship.” The word spills from her lips. She sets her fork down and lays her arm on the table, palm up. I slide my hand in hers and swallow. “Ander, there is nothing I won’t do for you.”

I lock on to her soft green irises as my thumb brushes the ring on her finger. The small token sends a jolt of energy from my finger to my heart. And in that single zap, I know… I am right where I need to be. With Helena Williams. North.My North.

CHAPTER45

HELENA

My phone dings with an incoming text.

Anderson

Ales and Braydon are driving me crazy.

I snort as I read the message.

Braydon is a great guy, but he and Lessa can’t keep their hands to themselves. For two people who weren’t into dating or relationships before each other, they give sappy a whole new definition. They aren’t shy about public displays. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for my best friend. Thrilled she found someone that makes her whole. Someone she wants to spend time with more often than not. Their lovey eyes and dopey smiles are adorable… and nauseating.

But only because I want something like that too.

Helena

Welcome to the club ??

I pocket my phone and step out of the office in the back of the store. Talking with a customer, Becca smiles when I step into view. I lift my hand and make a drinking motion, then point down the road. I raise my brows, silently asking if she wants a coffee. She gives a subtle nod before directing the customer to the new midriffs we got in yesterday.

Exiting the store, I stroll down the sidewalk and breathe in the light perfume punctuating the air. Mixed with the rich scent of evergreens, lavender blankets the town in a natural balm. More than once, I’ve joked it’s the main reason the residents are so laid back. Though it ends soon, lavender season is a favorite of locals and tourists alike.

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