Page 73 of Every Thought Taken

As if the irritation rolling off me hits her like a wall, she elbows me in the arm. A subtle hint to relax.

One breath after another, I count to ten and calm the displeasure I wear on my sleeve. Deep breathing never wipes away the problem completely, but it does bring me back to center, back to a clearer headspace.

“Don’t worry about Logan,” she says, twisting in her seat. “It takes a while to get used to him. He’s… extra.” She chuckles with a shake of her head. “Before Mags met Geoff, Logan tried to pick Lessa up at a bar with some cheesy line.” Pressing a finger to her lips, she looks toward the kitchen. “Shh. That’s a secret between us girls and Braydon. Lessa says he was three sheets to the wind and doesn’t remember. Which is good for the rest of us.”

Speechless, I hold her green eyes. Get lost in the serenity only her greens provide. Maybe it’s the thick, wing-like kohl highlighting her eyelids or the dusty-rose powder accentuating the space between the kohl and her brow, but I can’t look away.

For more than an hour, she barely said a word. She let everyone else start or dominate conversations while she sat back and picked at her food. As if her life is less interesting.

“What changed?” The words spill from my mouth without effort.

Something else I gained while on the road… confidence. It may not be hard as steel or the best armor on the market, but it’s strong enough for me to stand my ground. I no longer take shit from anyone, regardless of their title in my life. Family, friend, acquaintance—no one is exempt. I speak my mind, speak the truth, and only hold back if it’s not an appropriate time for what I have to say. I spent enough years of my life being talked down to and made to feel less than.

If it—or they—no longer serve me, I say no more and move forward.

A ridge forms between Helena’s brows. “What do you mean?”

I lean back in the chair and roll my head in her direction. “Until five minutes ago, you’ve been on mute. What changed?”

Rolling her lips between her teeth, she shrugs. “I’m kind of the fifth wheel if you haven’t noticed.” In the periphery, I spot her fingers twisting the ring on her finger.

Does she do that often? Is the ring I gave her all those years ago a touchstone for her?

I don’t want to have this conversation now. I don’t want to ask about the years we spent apart while my sister helps prep lemon gelato and fresh berries for dessert. Once one question is out, the rest will follow. And we can’t have this conversation here. Not when we will be interrupted and bombarded with curious eyes.

“Didn’t see it that way. Not with Logan and Owen here.”

“Well, sometimes it feels like everyone tries to appease me with an invitation. Mags and Geoff are sappy and occasionally annoying. Lessa and Braydon are fun and flirty and unrestrained at times. Owen only cares about work. It’s honestly a miracle he shows up sometimes. Logan is… Logan.” She rolls her eyes. “His weekly goal is to find someone new to hook up with. Mostly tourists or infrequent visitors.” Her lips flatten in a tight line. “And then there’s me. Little ol’ Lena.”

I open my mouth to ask if she’s ever had a date during these weekly dinners, but Ales and Mags walk out with bowls of gelato. Braydon and Geoff follow in their wake with mugs and a pot of coffee. I snap my mouth shut and stash the question for when I see her Saturday.

The night progresses with light chatter. Ales shares next week’s repairs at the coffee shop and how thankful she is to live in such a supportive community. Mags talks about the youth center, the expansion they’re planning over the next five years after a generous donation, and that she’s resuming college to further her degree. Geoff mentions the Lake Lavender beautification project they’ve been working with the mayor on and his excitement to get started. Braydon has time off from work while he helps Ales get Java and Teas Me back in order.

As for Helena, she doesn’t utter a word. Nothing about her store or the next wave of merchandise coming in. Nothing about trips she wants to take or places she wants to visit. Nothing about strange customers or fun events coming up in town.

Not one single thing.

I nudge her arm with my elbow. “Sure you’re okay?” I whisper-ask.

Try as she might, Helena Williams cannot lie to me. Not outright. And I know for a fact she is not herself. Not the girl from before. Not the girl I fell in love with.

Her eyes dart around the table, noting the side conversations and attention elsewhere. When her eyes meet mine, I don’t miss the glassy sheen. Don’t miss the slight wobble of her chin. “No,” she whispers, then swallows. “I really missed you.” Her words are so soft I almost miss them. “So much.”

And with her simple confession, Helena has me wrapped around her finger. Again.

Fuck.

CHAPTER42

ANDERSON

Sleep hasn’t been my friend for years.

While I was on the road, away from the noise and my mother’s incessant badgering, I discovered a sense of peace I’d never known. A stillness only found when you step away from all the screens and take time to truly appreciate what life has to offer. With each passing year, I learned something new about myself. Learned what truly mattered. What I should give my energy to.

Over time, I let go of burdens. I let go of the anger and hurt. In its place, I welcomed beauty and joy and hope. I opened myself up to reality, away from the chaos that circles most people and spreads like a virus. And with each step forward, with each weight I released, the problems of my past no longer held me back.

Helena… she is something,someone, I never let go. If anything, I tucked her away in my head and heart for safekeeping.

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