Page 69 of Every Thought Taken

The loss of Helena.

At all costs, I avoided her. Blocked her phone number, email address, and social media profiles. I shut her out per my therapist’s instructions.“Wounds don’t heal if you keep picking the scab.”It was a gross metaphor, but one I understood.

Once I had a job, I asked for the maximum allowed hours. I worked hard and saved every penny. Mom had my boss on my radar too. At least he hadn’t been a nag. He’d ask how I was or if I needed anything, but otherwise, let me work. For nearly two years, work became a safe haven of sorts. A place to escape my badgering parents. A place that helped me focus my thoughts on something else.

During sophomore year, with the help of my guidance counselor, I signed up for online classes. Little by little, I earned credits faster. Just before winter break of senior year, the guidance counselor called me in and said I’d earned all the required credits to graduate.

With my diploma secured, I took almost every penny I’d earned, bought a car, packed necessities, and left Lake Lavender with zero regrets.

I learned a lot on the road—about myself and life. More than anything, I found peace. Something I desperately needed. I may not be one-hundred-percent happy with my life, but at least I am free. The shadow that darkens my life, though it never fully disappears, it no longer rules my every thought or action.

My phone rings in my back pocket and I pull it out to see Ales’s name flash on the screen. I tap the green phone icon and lift the phone to my ear. “What’s up, Ales?”

“Getting off work in a minute. Mags and Geoff decided we should do dinner at their place instead of Black Silk tomorrow. Want to join us?”

Turning away from the diner, I trail down the sidewalk toward her coffee shop. “Uh, I don’t know.” I wince. “Not really feeling like peopling, Ales.”

“It’s not peopling, Baby A. The only new people are the guys Geoff works with. Logan’s a jokester, but Owen’s pretty chill.” A door slams and I hear stomping as she huffs into the line. Then the line quiets around her again. “Braydon will be there, too. You guys can talk traveling and hiking and the great outdoors. Plus, free food you don’t have to cook.”

“I like to cook.”

“I know, but you can take a night off.”

Less than a block from the coffee shop, I sigh into the line and cave. “Fine. I’ll be at the apartment in a minute.”

“Yay. See you soon.”

The call ends and I stuff my phone back in my pocket. “What did I just sign up for?” I mutter as I cut between the buildings and climb the stairs to her apartment over the coffee shop.

Mags’s house is exactly as I remember it. New pictures and art decorate the walls, some of the furniture has been replaced with more modern pieces, but her house is otherwise the same. I inhale deeply and catch a hint of Mr. Bishop’s cologne in the air. Though he passed years ago, it’s nice to feel like he is still here.

Ales all but plows into Mags, wrapping her in a death grip hug. Mags laughs and squeezes her with equal fervor.

“You act like I didn’t see you this morning,” Mags says with a shake of her head. She taps Ales’s shoulder and scans the room. “Someone rescue me from a love overdose.”

“Firecracker,” Braydon says as he hooks his finger in the belt loop of her shorts and tugs. “Let the woman breathe.”

Mock offense highlights Ales’s face as she rolls her eyes. “She could breathe. Don’t be so dramatic.”

Braydon bites his tongue as he wraps an arm around my sister’s shoulders. The room quiets as eyes shift in my direction. Unfamiliar faces stare my way, waiting. I suspect these are the guys Geoff, Mags’s boyfriend, works with at the architectural firm. When I left Lake Lavender, there were no architects in town, let alone offices.

“Hey, Anderson,” Mags says as she crosses the room with open arms. I pull her in for a gentle hug. “It’s been a while.” She releases me and inches back. “You look good.” A soft smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “Time away has served you well.”

I shove my hands in my pockets and rock back on my heels. “Thanks, Mags. Good seeing you, too. Sorry about your dad.”

Her eyes glaze over and she blinks away the threatening tears. “Thank you. Can’t believe it’s been years. Just have to take it one day at a time.”

Mags formally introduces me to Geoff, Logan, and Owen. Though they give off different energy, the friendship they share is obvious. As Ales forewarned, Logan is the exuberant one in the group. Owen is quiet and pensive and seems to only speak up when he has something noteworthy to say. I like Owen. Geoff is an interesting blend of Logan and Owen. Reflective yet outgoing. A hint of melancholy in his eyes, as if a piece of his past shaped who he is today. But the way he looks down at Mags says more than words. She has his whole heart.

I wince at the slight twinge beneath my sternum.

I had that once.

As if my thoughts are a beacon, the front door swings open and Helena walks in.

“Sorry I’m late.” Her eyes scan the room and she snaps her mouth shut.

Mags waves her off and steps up to hug her. “You’re fine.”

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