Page 21 of Every Thought Taken

“You’re my best friend,” she whispers.

The movie becomes white noise to my ears. My brows pinch at the middle, the backs of my eyes stinging as I absorb her words.Best friend.Feels like we are much more. Something beyond friendship. Something more than this simple life.

I swallow and level my gaze with hers. “Best friend,” I croak out, testing the words on my tongue and lips. They don’t hurt. But they do feel lacking. Nowhere near enough. Weak.

She nods. “Not like Mags and Lessa.” Her hold on me tightens. “Different.” Her eyes dart between mine. “Feels like I can tell you anything, and you won’t judge or tease or hold it over my head for years.”

Unsure how to respond, I simply nod.

“Remember the mean guy I told you about last year?” she asks.

How could I forget? “Yeah.”

Her weight shifts and we lie back how we were before the conversation started. She hugs my arm, our hands still connected. Then she exhales a heavy sigh.

“He moved away over the summer.”

“Good. He was a twit.”

A soft chuckle leaves her lips. “Agreed.” She snuggles more into my side, her eyes on the television but not watching the movie. “And now things are better at school. No one points and repeats his ugly words. Everyone smiles when I pass them in the hall.” She pauses and I feel her jaw work against my arm. “And some of the guys… notice me.”

I stop breathing. My mind blanks as I try to figure out what to say or do or think or feel. Pain stabs me in the chest and jolts through my limbs. I hate it. Hate that I care. Hate that I want her to look at me and think I notice her too. Because I do. Maybe not the exact same way the guys in high school do, but I notice her.

But I can’t tell her. She’s my best friend. My sister’s best friend. And if I lost her, I’d lose so much more.

I can’t lose her.

Iwon’tlose her.

So, I do the same thing I have done for the past eleven years of my life. I suck it up and keep going. The only other option is…

“That’s”—I clear my throat—“that’s great,” I choke out.

It is the complete opposite of great, but I refuse to tell her otherwise. Her happiness keeps me alive. Her happiness gives me something to look forward to.

“Thanks, Ander,” she whispers, hugging my arm tighter. “Means a lot to hear it from you.”

I close my eyes and swallow. Remind myself of all the positivity she brings into my life. Remind myself she is the proffered hand and constant light in my darkest moments.

Better to have her as a best friend than nothing at all.

I kiss her hair then rest my head on hers. “Always, North.”

CHAPTER11

ANDERSON

Eleven Years Ago

Imiss her. Damn, do I miss her.

High school changes people. High school has changed her. Not all the changes are bad. If anything, Helena has discovered herself. Though still less exuberant than my sister, she has developed this subtle, quiet confidence. A strength I envy. A coveted resilience.

And as she blooms, I wilt.

A little more than a year ago, Helena claimed me as her best friend. Every day since her declaration, I see less of her. High school and appearances and boys have stolen her attention. She spends time with Ales and Mags, but more outside of the house, at the town’s cinema or park on Main Street.

The girls no longer include me in their plans to hang out. I get it. Who wants to socialize with the sad, unstable younger brother? I wouldn’t want to rub shoulders with me either.

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