Page 115 of Every Thought Taken

What kind of person is comforted by others’ misery? What drives someone to constantly tear another person down to build themselves up?

When I decided to return to Lake Lavender, it was to repair two relationships. Neither would be simple, but I wanted to put in the effort. In the end, I wanted to be able to say I gave my all.

But my bones ache more and more with each attempt with my parents. The fact is that my mother won’t give me room to breathe, time to sort out how I want to approach mending things with her and my father, the ability to think clearly without her barking unkind words…

I can’t do it anymore.

Every ounce of energy I stored away to restore our relationship is officially spent. If all she wants to do for the rest of her life is belittle me, she will have to do it from afar. Most of my life, this woman made me feel worthless and unloved. She mocked all my successes. Attacked everything that brought me an ounce of happiness. And she did it all with a smile on her face.

And I’m just done. With trying to fix something I didn’t break. With trying to love someone who will never love me for who I am. I am done with her.

“All that I’ve done for you—”

I hold up a hand. “Goodbye, Joan.” My eyes shift to my father, a tall man that shrinks next to his wife. “Goodbye, Samuel. Have a nice life.”

With Helena’s hand in mine, I give them my back and weave between the rows of trees. It isn’t until we are halfway across the lot that I stop, bend at the hips and plant my hands on my thighs, and take in a lungful of air. Let the gravity of what just happened truly sink in. Let the truth root itself in my head and heart.

I took the upper hand. Stood up for myself and what I wanted. Put my foot down and saidno more. Then, I walked away. For the first time in my life, I gave myself permission to be free. Not in theory but reality. And damn, I have never felt lighter.

A hand strokes the length of my spine as I slowly straighten to my full height. I turn to look at Helena, worry creasing her brow.

“We can pick a tree on a different day if you want.”

That she will drop anything for me is a shot of serotonin to the heart. I don’t know what I did to earn the love of Helena Williams, but I vow to spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to keep her.

“No.” I close the space between us, wrap her in my arms, and kiss the worry lines on her face. “I’ve said my piece and it’s done.” My forehead drops to rest on hers. “We’ll handle whatever happens next together.” I kiss her lips, the tip of her nose, the line of her jaw, the sensitive skin beneath her ear before nuzzling her neck and inhaling deeply. “For now, I want to find the perfect tree with my girlfriend, take it home, and watch our cat climb the trunk.”

Light laughter shakes her chest as she hugs me harder. “Smoky will never leave the tree alone. You know this, right?”

I lean back and look her in the eye. “Consider me on permanent tree-watching duty.”

The words dance between us, the slight implication of us officially living together dangling in the air. I would never force anything on Helena, but I won’t take back my words. Most of my life, I skirted around the truth to make others feel better. I relinquished my happiness for them.

No more.

I am done holding back.

It may be too soon to consider living together, but it feels as if this has been a long time coming. This version of our relationship is new, blooming, but I have known Helena all my life. I know her heart, her soul, her endless ability to love. And waking up with her each morning, wrapping her in my arms every day, kissing her and whispering I love you often… there is nothing I want more.

Pushing up on her toes, her lips hover a breath from mine. “The job is yours.” And then she kisses me as if no one is watching.

CHAPTER63

HELENA

It’s thirty-five degrees outside and I am sweating.Sweating. Someone toss me a life preserver.

Anderson parks the car outside Mags and Geoff’s place but doesn’t cut the engine. He rests his hand on my thigh, his thumb drawing faint circles on the denim. “You’ve been exceptionally quiet. Everything okay?”

Is everything okay?What a loaded question. If only I knew the proper response.

Swallowing, I swivel to meet his gaze. “Yeah.” I nod for emphasis. “Fine.”

Anderson is no fool. As easily as I sense his mood shifts, he picks up on mine. And right now, I am borderline panicking.

Deep breaths, Helena. Slow and steady.

Leaning across the console, Anderson kisses me breathless. In one simple move, he erases the bulk of my nerves. “Love you, North.”

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