Page 52 of Heart to Heart

“You have every right to think about me, and ask me questions, Liam.”

“We even talked about this. Holiday hall passes aren’t real. I just thought—”

“Stop.” Desperately clinging to the small shred of hope he wasn’t assuming the worst of me, I cut him off before he could finish. But I had to know the truth, didn’t I? “What did you think? Tell me,” I demanded.

“I think I should have known better than to wait around for you all night. Trust doesn’t come easy for me anymore. And you—”

“No. You know what? I changed my mind. I don’t want to hear any more.” I held up a hand. “MaybeIshould have known better. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back to Sweetbriar. So much for Friday night, right? Why even bother now.” My slutty, heartbreaker Holly reputation had come back to slap me in the face again, and it killed me that he was the one to hit me with it. “Nothing ever seems to work out the way I want it to here. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You’re right, you deserve better.” He stood up. “I should just go.”

“Wait a minute. Stop. What do you meanIdeserve better? Explain to me why you’re upset.”

Was this even about me at all?

I had a sudden, nagging feeling that it wasn’t, and I refused to lose him over a misunderstanding.

His eyes met mine, stricken and sad. “For a second, when you first walked in, I did think you’d been with someone else, but it only took one more second to reject that thought. That isn’t you. You aren’t the type of woman who would do such a thing. You wouldn’t play me.”

“No, I would never do that. Thank you for realizing it,” I murmured.

“I have a lot of demons in my past. I have PTSD, Holly. I almost—fuck, I tried to kill myself a few months back after my grandmother died and I don’t even remember doing it. Did you know that?” His brows drew together in an agonized expression.

I nodded. I knew. My mother had brought him home out of the hospital. He had stayed at my parent’s house along with Luke and Lily and the kids while he got well enough to move out again and he’d been in therapy and part of Jed’s veteran support group with Luke and a few other vets in the area ever since.

This had nothing to do with my reputation. I felt terrible and selfish for thinking that it was. If nothing else, he was my friend, and I never should have jumped to conclusions about what he had been thinking. “I’m so sorry. I was at Asher’s house. I was scared to be alone, and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.” My voice faded away in the hushed stillness of the kitchen.

“Not even me?” The hurt in his eyes broke my heart. “How long have you been staying there?” He asked as if holding a raw emotion in check.

I looked away. “Since Monday after we—you know.”

“I see.” He let out a long, audible breath. “But you didn’t come to me.”

I’d hurt him by not telling him. I knew it and I wished I could go back and make a different choice. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I made you think I was here every morning when I was hiding out with Ash...”

“Don’t be. I get it, probably better than you think I do. My whole life I’ve had this drive that kept me going. Always after more—do more, be more, see more. I was nonstop, you know what I mean?” His voice was emotionless, distant, and it chilled me.

A warning voice echoed in my head telling me I’d wrecked everything. “I understand. I used to be the same way.”

“When I got out of the Army, I didn’t have it anymore. Whatever it was that drove me was gone. Every day, I felt lost. Then I met you and finally wanted something again. I wanted you.”

My heart twisted. “Liam, I want you too—”

“Yeah?” The wistful quality in his voice alarmed me. I nodded in answer, struggling with the uncertainty that had arisen between us. “Is it good thatallI seem to want is you?”

“Oh, Liam, that simply isn’t true. Look at what you’ve done here. This place is gorgeous because of you. You work with Luke. I mean, you two are practically brothers and Lily and the kids love you. You’ve built a life here in Sweetbriar. My entire family adores you.”

“Maybe you’re right, I don’t know anymore. But what I do know is it shook me more than I felt comfortable with when you didn’t come home. I’m just not ready to feel this much and I don’t think I have enough left inside of me to give you. Holly, I’m not sure I can do this.” He stood up to leave.

My stomach flipped. I couldn’t let him leave, not like this. “Wait. Please listen.”

He turned back.

“I understand how you feel, Liam. I felt it when I was hiding out at Ash’s house, and honestly, I’ve felt it since I came back to Sweetbriar. Scared. Unworthy. Like I didn’t even know myself anymore. But worst of all, I felt like I was alone in dealing with something I don’t even want to think about, and I was ashamed. But none of those feelings speak the truth of who I am. That’s why I came back here. And that’s why I’ll let you go right now.”

He didn’t answer.

“We’re not done, Liam. I won’t let you walk out of my life because of some misplaced idea that I deserve something better or because you think you’re not enough for me. Not when I know we care about each other, and especially not when I know you want me exactly as much as I want you.” I so desperately wanted him to understand the way I saw him, the way I felt about him. “There isnothingbetter than you, Liam. No man will ever do now that I know you exist in the world.”

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