Page 26 of Heart to Heart

But she wore her heart on her sleeve and I knew it wasn’t ready for me and my feelings for her. She didn’t hide it. Subterfuge and manipulation were not in Holly Barrett’s arsenal of considerable weapons. In fact, her extreme honesty is what I liked the most about her, even if the things she said weren’t necessarily what I wanted to hear. I was done being with women I had to figure out. I had no time for games and the fact that Holly didn’t play them attracted me to her like a magnet.

She was moving tomorrow. Owen had finally cleared the remaining debris and Luke and I were here to knock out the wall that separated the dining and living rooms so the space could be wide open for the transformation from inn to apothecary shop.

Sledgehammer in hand, I took a whack at the wall, satisfied at the soft crunch as I pulled it out along with a huge chunk of plaster.

“You’re quiet today,” Luke observed before taking his own swing at the wall. “Is everything okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay. Well, maybe I’m not.” He took another whack then faced me with a challenge in his eyes.

I set down my sledgehammer and turned to him. “What’s happening? Everything okay with Lily? The babies? Are Dylan and Calla all right?”

“Yeah, that’s not it, everyone’s fine. It’s me. I promised your grandmother I’d stick with you and I feel like I’m failing at that. I know something has been on your mind lately. Are you missing her? Is that it? You can talk to me about it. I won’t check out on you again, I swear.”

Years ago, after Luke and I had become friends, he started joining me on leave whenever I’d visit my grandmother. In the end he was almost as close to her as I was, and she had treated him like he was another grandson.

“You didn’t check out on me and yeah, I miss her all the time. I think she held on for so long so I wouldn’t be alone. I thank god I had her for those first few months after we got back. She was all both of us had when we were enlisted. You’re grieving her too, and that’s probably something we should talk about more.”

“The last day I saw her, in the hospital, I promised her we’d both be okay, that I’d stick with you, take care of you. But I feel like I failed at that, and I haven’t told you how sorry I am for how I handled things the day she died. I should have known how hard it would be for you, but I ran home and hid instead.”

“What? No. No way. What I did was not your fault. You saved my life, Luke. Hell, you did it twice, don’t forget that. I’d be dead if you hadn’t hauled my ass to safety and who knows what would have happened if you and Lily hadn’t showed up at my place that day.” The day I was still trying to wrap my head around. The day I came to my senses drunk with a gun in my hand and no memory of how it got there or what I had been planning to do with it. I was determined not to fall to that depth of despair ever again.

I remembered feeling like I had no one left. I was the last living member of my family. When my dad died, I had my mother and grandmother. When Mom died, I still had my grandmother. She picked me up from school and I spent the night at her house like it was any other day. She didn’t tell me about my mother until morning. It would be better if I found out in the light of day, she’d said. She wanted to be with me while I processed the fact that I’d never see my mother again. When she died, I found out from her doctor over the phone and I was alone.

“But it wasn’t me who saved you, it was Lily. She busted into my house and forced me to open my eyes. I was stuck in my own grief, my own sense of failure and loss. She saved both of us.” His voice was little more than a broken whisper, but it packed a punch. I had never been alone, not really. And I didn’t have to keep feeling like I was now. “Fuck, Liam, I’m glad you’re still here.”

I blinked back emotion as I contemplated what could have happened if he and Lily hadn’t showed up for me. “So am I, Luke.”

“I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’d hug you, but I’m covered in plaster and dry wall dust.”

“Fuck it, I am too.” He tugged me into him, slapping my back before letting me go again.

“I guess I should buy Lily flowers or something. You know, for pulling your head out of your ass. That couldn’t have been easy.” I had to crack a joke. The two of us together could get overly maudlin and sentimental since we’d come home and had started getting help.

“Nah, man.” He chuckled, wiping his eyes with his dusty sleeve. “Get her a lemon cream pie, or a box of chocolates, or a side of beef. Food is where it’s at these days. Growing those twins has her eating more than I do. It’s amazing.”

“I’ll make her a batch of my mom’s chocolate chip cookies. How about that?”

“I’ll try not to steal any. Oh, guess who’s learning to bake? Holly and Rosemary were at the house the other day.” I lifted my eyebrows and waited for him to answer. “She has Rosemary teaching her how to bake snickerdoodles. If she gets it right, make sure to steal some of those. They’re great.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

He looked at me. “So, you’re really okay?”

“Yeah, and you should know. We talk about everything in Jed’s PTSD group every week.” I smirked at him. “You know how I can’t shut up there.”

“You’re right.” He rubbed the back of his hand across his brow. “Maybe I’m letting guilt eat at me.”

I clapped my best friend on the shoulder. “You have nothing to be guilty for, Luke. And I don’t either. The past is in the past and we’re moving on and up and forward, all of it. Everything.”

“You’re damn right we are. All right, Let’s haul the rest of this shit out. The furniture delivery should be here any minute.” We were finishing the last few steps of demolition work before the renovation started at the inn. Owen would start painting the exterior at the beginning of the week while I’d begin on the interior.

We were also here to supervise the delivery from the furniture shop in town. They were coming here to set up Holly’s new place. Her siblings had gotten together and ordered her a bed, a living room suite, and everything she’d need to live here and be comfortable. I’d bought her a surprise of my own that was waiting for her upstairs. I hoped it wasn’t too much.

They were planning to surprise her after dinner tonight. Holly had missed the last few Barrett Sunday dinners. I was curious what they’d told her to get her to come tonight.

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