Page 54 of Ms. Lead

For a second, I can’t breathe.

“Oh my god. Oh my god, Oliver. That just scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?”

When I glance up at him, he’s staring at me in horror, and he suddenly sits down where he stands.

“I… I just…” His head is shaking from side to side, and his voice sounds like he’s dazed. “A little vertigo, that’s all. Like in the helicopter….”

“You had vertigo in the helicopter?” I ask, kneeling in front of him and grabbing his hands. I can’t tell which of us is trembling. Maybe we both are. “You didn’t say anything about it.”

I don’t like that he needed to keep that to himself. I should know these things. At least, I think I should. Maybe I have no business knowing anything.

“I, I grabbed your hand, real tight, when the ground fell away. You didn’t notice?” He still seems confused, and I don’t like it.

I think about the helicopter ride and remember him grabbing my hand, but I thought it was because he was moved by the sight of everything. It’s an incredible view to take in the first time.

“I did. But I didn’t know that was why.”

I’m talking to myself again in his sunglasses, and it’s starting to irritate me to not be able to see his expressions. I need to see his eyes. They truly are the windows to his soul, and I hate when they’re hidden from me like this.

However, the reflection of the beginning sunset in the mirrored lenses is fascinating. I hold up a finger, letting him know this is just a pause, and grab my phone out of my bag.

“What are you doing?” he asks, now thoroughly confused.

“I’m being artsy. One second.” I pull up my camera app and angle my phone at him from the side to get the canyon’s reflection, not mine. “Keep looking straight. Don’t look at me.” I instruct.

He sighs but does as he’s told. His jaw is set, and he’s so serious. Not a happy line on his face. Then again, if I almost just fell into the Grand Canyon, I’d be pretty upset too. Hell, I am upset. But I’m trying to do anything and everything not to have to talk about it.

I take several pictures and then show them to him. They came out pretty amazing. I don’t think I’ve taken any pictures of him, or us for that matter. I reach over, push his sunglasses to the top of his head, and do the same with my own. Then I lean in, put my head on his shoulder, and hold the phone up for a selfie.

“Here, give me that. I have longer arms than you.” He’s grumpy about it but appeases me by at least trying to smile for the picture. We both look questionably happy, and I suppose it’s the best we’ll get tonight.

“Thank you,” I say, kissing his cheek and arranging the blanket I dropped a little while ago. I make sure it’s safely far enough from the edge of the canyon that it’s unlikely either of us will fall in. Oliver again just watches me, and when I take a seat in the middle of the blanket, it takes him a minute to move my way.

I splay my legs into a ‘V’ and pat the blanket in front of me, directing him to sit. He raises an eyebrow but sits, and I pull him back against my chest, forcing him to lean against me. He finally relaxes, stretching his long legs out carefully and crossing them at the ankle. I run my fingers lazily through his silky hair, taking care not to shake or tremble.

We sit silently for a long while, both of us taking in the light show as it starts, first with a dusky purple haze that seems to color everything, including us. That turns into pinks, then catches fire with red and oranges. And not just on the horizon, but on the entire sky. What few clouds there are reflect lighter shades of colors and then darker ones. Finally, navy and teal take over, with a slight bit of yellow edging the horizon, making it look like the far-away ground is burning.

When navy blue takes over everything, it’s done. The whole thing started slow and then sped up exponentially like a fireworks show with a grand finale.

Next, the stars make their appearance, and with no electric light for quite a distance, the constellations start their own show.

The sunsets are always breathtaking to watch, and I’m glad that Oliver witnessed it.

I finally break the silence. “So, what did you think?” I slide my hands down the front of his chest and rest my cheek on top of his head, breathing in his shampoo.

“That. Was the most amazing sunset I have ever witnessed.” He tilts his head back to look at me upside down from my lap, and I can’t help but lean down and give him a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” I say, kissing him again. Getting them while I can. “I haven’t been out here in a while, so it was nice to experience it with you.” I smile down at him, and I think he’s smiling at me, but since we’re upside down from each other, it looks more like a frown.

I want so badly to tell him how I feel right now. I’m biting my tongue so hard that I think I might be drawing blood. I swear I feel a hesitation in him too, or an anticipation, like he wants to say something but is holding himself back like I am.

That makes me want to say it even more, be the one that breaks this stalemate between us, but I can’t. I know what he’ll say if I do, and I can’t face that now. Maybe once he leaves, I’ll be able to handle the rejection of it all, but right now, I’m in self-protection mode.

“We should get going, it’s a bit of a drive back to the house, and it’s getting late.”

My heart pangs as I mention the time. Time we don’t have. Time that’s running out so damned quickly.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

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