Page 23 of Ms. Lead

EVERYTHING IS EMBARRASSING

I got an apology. I’m kind of surprised I got one, too. Oliver doesn’t seem like the outwardly remorseful type for some reason. Not that I think he’s purposely unkind, but maybe more that he keeps things like that to himself. He’d rather cut someone off entirely than deal with an argument, which, to be honest, is no way to go through life. Everything in life is not that cut and dry. There are always gray areas.

“So, I’ll need to be at the coffee shop listed on the agenda by 2:00 since I’ve rescheduled that meeting. Do you mind coming back for me around 1:30? I’d like to get there early to find a private table.” He looks at me expectantly.

Shit, is he serious? “You’re going ahead with your interview this afternoon? I thought it would be canceled today, with everything going on….” I shoot a panicked glance at him, and he shrugs and shakes his head. “I’ve promised to babysit Ava this afternoon. Since I assumed you’d cancel all your meetings today, I thought I’d be free….”

“Oh…I see.” But his tone is clear that he doesn’t.

“I can call Normandy and tell her that I can’t—”

“No. No. Don’t do that.” He rubs his chin thoughtfully, and I can’t help but steal quick looks at him. He is damned attractive when he’s lost in thought. “Bring her along.”

“What? No. I couldn’t.” I can’t keep bringing children with me on business routes. It’s completely unprofessional.

“Sure, you could. That is if Ava doesn’t mind hanging out at a coffee shop for a while or somewhere else nearby.” His following smile is so charming. I want him to smile at me like that all the time. “Also, if you don’t mind, too. I should have included you in that. I don’t want to upset your plans if you made any.”

“No. We haven’t made any concrete plans yet.” We’re at a red light, so I can turn to him fully and study him to make sure this is really okay and he’s not just saying it is. “You’re sure you don’t mind? I think she’d really like to see you. She asked about you yesterday at the hospital. She was worried about you.”

His reaction starts as surprised, turns happy, but then morphs into an expressionless mask that I’m beginning to get used to. It seems practiced, and it feels as though it’s some kind of defense mechanism for him. “Well, that was very kind of her, but there was nothing to worry about.”

That doesn’t help in reading him at all. I wish we could stop doing this. It feels as though we’re dancing around a bonfire full of our real emotions, letting everything go up in flames instead of talking about anything substantial. If we could just get past this, we’d be so better off.

I try to catch his eye, but he avoids my gaze completely. Maybe I should give up. Abandon all the crazy thoughts in my head and heart and just let him be. It kills me, though, the idea of not pursuing this fully. I’ll have so much regret if I don’t say something, but maybe now, when he’s just been released from the hospital with a head injury, isn’t the best time.

A car horn sounds from behind us, snapping me back into the present, and I start driving again. Maybe that was the sign I needed to let it go for now.

“Okay, so I’ll drop you off and grab Ava and come back for you. Does that sound alright?”

“Perfect.” It’s hard to gauge a mood from one word, especially when it’s said with no emotion. So, I have to take it at face value. Everything is perfect.

* * *

After dropping Oliver off at his hotel, I pick up Ava from Normandy’s house. She is beside herself with excitement to hear that she’ll be able to see ‘Mr. Belly’ this afternoon and proceeds to tell me all about the stories she wants to tell him. This makes me question whether or not this is a good idea after all. He’s got an important interview for his book lined up this afternoon. He doesn’t need a toddler peppering him with questions.

“Just remember that Mr. Belly…Bellamy has work to do, okay? So, we need to leave him alone to do that, right?”

“I know.” The innocence on this child’s face when she lies is astounding. I can see the wheels turning behind her eyes, already planning how she will spend her time with Oliver, regardless of what work he needs to do.

When we pull up to the hotel, I instinctively open my door as if to get out to open his and shut it right away, almost catching my foot in the door. Hopefully, nobody saw that.

“What are you doing, Aunt B?” Ava asks. Of course, she saw and has to comment. Nothing gets past her.

“I was just checking something,” I lie, buckling my seat belt again. I can see through the passenger window that Oliver is almost to the car. I whisper to Ava, “Remember, best behavior.” She nods her understanding, but I’m still nervous about it. Kids can be so unpredictable.

Oliver gets in the car quickly, probably to get out of the heat, and as soon as he does, his cologne, aftershave, soap, or God knows what it is that smells so good, so Oliver, hits me, and the scent transports me somewhere else. Somewhen else. Pretty sure that’s a word. It’s as if I can see my future in my mind, and it smells like him. It’s not arousing or sexual, necessarily, but comforting and exhilarating at the same time.

“Mr. Belly!” Ava’s voice cuts through and snaps me back to the here and now. I’m able to catch Oliver’s initial reaction, which is a smile so heartwarming, it takes over his entire being. And he doesn’t do anything to hide it like I thought for sure he would.

He turns in his seat to face Ava, giving her the widest and brightest smile I’ve seen from him to date. “Why, good afternoon, Miss Carmichael. Lovely to see you again.”

She blushes and starts chewing on a knuckle absently as she smiles back at him. But then, she must notice the wounds on his forehead and cheek, and her smile disappears. Taking its place is the saddest frown I’ve ever seen on her, and my heart breaks.

Putting her hand up to her own cheek, she says shyly, “You have an ouch.”

Oliver turns sad briefly, too, but then recovers quickly with a wide grin. “I do, but a very kind nurse named Neil gave me these stickers since I was a good patient and said I could give them to you.” He reaches into his suit jacket, pulls out a small roll of stickers, and hands them to Ava.

Her eyes widen, and her frown is now completely gone as she looks over her surprise. I can’t help but smile too. That was very thoughtful of him.

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