Meeting her eyes finally, I can’t read them. She’s completely shut off from me now, and it hurts more than I anticipated.
“Fine,” she mutters before turning and pushing through the exit and straight into the wall of heat outside.
As I follow her out, the heat seems to steal my breath from me, and by the time I reach the car, well after Bianca does, a sheen of sweat covers my face. She didn’t even park that far from the building, but I’m really not used to the high temperatures here, so I need to be more careful. Heat and I don’t mix, as was proved beyond a shadow of a doubt yesterday. At least she’s started the car already, so the aircon is blasting when I get in.
“How can you tolerate living here in the summer? This heat is a killer.” If anything can break the ice between us, a discussion about the hot weather will surely do it.
She pulls the car out of the lot and heads toward my hotel.
“You get used to it.” Her tone is flat. Zero emotion. This is not going to be easy, but I didn’t think it would be.
We go for a few minutes in complete silence; not even the car radio is on, which only makes things worse. I didn’t think that was even possible. How low can this go? Do I really want to see? Or, do I say something now to get things on the right side of friendly, at least? One of us will need to set aside our stubbornness and bend. It may as well be me.
“I’m sorry, Bianca, that I didn’t want any visitors yesterday. I was a bit of a mess.” She stiffens next to me, probably surprised I’m talking about this. “It was just your typical male ego at work, not wanting to be seen like that. Nothing more. I hope you understand.” Maybe making light of it will ease things.
My stomach is in knots about all of this. Everything that could go wrong so far on this trip is going wrong. And everything I didn’t expect to happen is happening. It’s hard to negotiate the different emotions going through me at any one time. There are far too many to count, let alone organize.
Thinking for a while, considering my words, she seems to relax and finally says, “I understand.” And, nodding, she continues, her voice getting stronger as she goes. “But you need to understand that I was very worried about you. Nobody could or would tell me anything, so I didn’t know what was going on for an extremely long time. And when I finally did, it had to come from Normandy. I didn’t like being shut out when I was with you right before it happened.”
The truth and honesty of what she’s saying hurts. Even though I knew it would, it hits me hard. I deserve every ounce of disdain she’s giving me, if not more.
“I know. It was rude of me. I’m sorry you felt that way.”
She glares at me sideways and scoffs. “So, you’re sorry for how I felt but not for why I felt that way. Got it.”
I cringe. Fuck. This is why I don’t deal with people anymore, or their feelings. I don’t know how to talk to anyone without screwing everything up. Like now.
“That’s not what I meant –”
“No, I get it. Loud and clear, Mr. Bellamy. You don’t need to explain any further. Thanks.”
“No, you very much don’t get it, but I’m not going to argue with you anymore, Bianca. You obviously have your mind made up about me and what my intentions are, so it would be pointless for me to try.”
This is sliding down a slippery slope I didn’t anticipate and going way out of control. I’m having a hard time keeping up with what’s happening. I can hear my blood pumping in my ears as my temper rises.
This is not how I wanted this to go. Not at all.
I glance over at Bianca, and her lips are pressed into a hard line, a muscle in her jaw twitching as I’m sure she’s grinding her teeth, just as angry as I am.
This is ludicrous.
I take a deep breath. I need to fix this. I can’t stand us being at each other’s throats over something so stupid.
“Actually, I will argue this because it’s a dumb misunderstanding.” She shoots another glare, and I raise my hands defensively. “I meant to say I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I would never intentionally cause you any distress. I wasn’t thinking about anyone else except myself in the moment. I’m sorry.”
The muscle in her jaw relaxes, and she looks over at me briefly, probably double-checking that I’m not trying to pull one over on her, and I hope she sees my sincerity. I am sorry for worrying her. No matter my reasons, I didn’t want her upset by it. Honestly, I didn’t think she would be affected after our rough morning.
“Okay,” she replies, nodding again. “Thank you for the apology.”
On the outside, I’m stoically staring out the window, unphased by the whole thing. Inside, I’m letting out the deepest sigh of relief. I hope we’re now past this bullshit and can move forward. Wherever that leads. It’s got to be better than where we’re currently at, that’s for sure.
I’ve got an entire month ahead of me, dancing along this strange line between us. A line I barely even know what it’s dividing anymore, but the thought of crossing it feels like the worst thing that could possibly happen to either of us. So, I don’t know if I’m protecting myself or her. Maybe it’s both.
Or, maybe it’s neither of us, and I’m just an idiot.
Chapter Fourteen
BIANCA