Page 133 of I Got You

“Hi to you too. Yeah. I’ll be there. What crawled up your butt?”

I grunt. “Nothing.”

“You sure because you sound like you’ve got a problem.”

I pull away from the curb. Mark is the last person I should get into this with. “I don’t know how to be in two places at once. Maggie’s really nervous.”

“Huh.” Mark huffs. “Well, you’re an idiot.”

“What?”

Mark laughs sarcastically. “Man, what’s wrong with you? Did your helmet not fit properly? Too many sacks?”

“Excuse me?” I’m not in the mood for his mockery.

“Did you somehow become dumb over the last few months? No. You’re just an idiot. A moron. Seriously, man. I’m getting angry now.”

“Look, I didn’t call for a lecture or a beat down or whatever this is. What’s your problem?” My temper is already on edge, and he’s pushing it right over.

I hear Mark take a breath, which is funny because he’s not one for dialing it back. “I want to know how you could just let her walk away. And not only that, why are you letting her come to New York all by herself? Is this potential job really that important to you? How long do you think she’s going to hang in there?”

I bite back. “What do you mean? I’m not letting her go anywhere. Maggie and I talked about this. This is a head coach position. You know that. You know it’s important, and they wouldn’t have sought me out if they weren’t serious.”

“Come on, Shane. You know that’s not what I mean.”

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about or why you have such a stick up your ass.” My voice raises, and after seeing the look on Maggie’s face as she walked away, I’m about one second from blowing my lid.

“How can you not see it? Do I really need to spell it out for you?”

I don’t have the energy to respond.

“Shane, brother. You are so fucking in love with her, and you can’t even see it. You called me to be sure I’ll pick her up and be at her show because there’s no way you can let her do this completely on her own.” He pauses. “The thing is. She doesn’t want me there. She wants you, and you know you should be there. You’re letting this interview be one more excuse to hide behind, to keep yourself from admitting that you love her. So I’ll ask again, you big dumb asswipe. Is this job what you really want? Likely losing the absolute best thing that has ever happened to you.”

I pull my truck over, needing to get a grip before I lose my shit right in the middle of a speeding freeway. “I won’t lose her. We already talked about it, and we’ll figure out how to make it work.”

Mark huffs. “Ok. Just like all the other guys who are never with their families. Good luck, man. I’m about to hang up. You might be dumber than I thought. No, you might not lose her. You’ll just continue to pull her along, letting her love you because her telling you to go and do this, instead of being with her on one of the biggest nights of her life, tells me exactly how much she loves you. She’s willing to forego everything she wants so you can have your cake and eat it too. You know, now that I think about it, you’re a real jerk. If you want this job that bad, then cut her loose. Let her have the life she deserves and someone who will actually put her first.”

I’m not one to be caught speechless, but I am. I’ve never heard Mark, the fun-loving playboy, talk like this.

“Good luck with the interview, man,” he says. “I’ll be at the airport and the show.” It’s all he says and hangs up.

I crack the window as my chest heaves in and out, and my stomach climbs up my throat. I rest my forehead on the steering wheel, trying not to hyperventilate. Everything Mark said moves rapidly through my brain like a bullet ricocheting from one point to another. I inhale and exhale like a freaking mammoth is sitting on top of me.

All I can see is Maggie. Feel her arms wrapped around me and the smell of her. I didn’t want to let her go, especially with her nerves eating her alive. I want to be with her, now and always. I don’t want to be apart, ever. I want to be there. I want to see her dance and have her know I’m there, encouraging her and supporting her. I want to wear her jersey.

Mark’s right. I’ve been an idiot. A dumbass and a total jerk. I’ve let my fear keep me from her, but she’s given me everything. Patience. Time. Taking the risk for me. Waiting for me. Telling me we’ll be ok if I take this job, but I know it won’t. I won’t be ok away from her. I’ve put the walls between us, and I’m the only one who can tear them down to get to her.

I clench my jaw, and for the first time since I was a boy, I taste the salt of tears on my lips. I can’t lose her. She’s the very best thing that has ever happened to me, and I thought I didn’t have anything to give her. I thought my ability to love was lost long ago, along with my heart. But my little Firefly snuck in there, found it, and nabbed it without me even knowing she was digging around. She stole it. The whole damn thing.

Shit. I love her. I didn’t think I had anything to give or that I actually could, but I do. I love her so much.

I don’t want to be in Ohio. I don’t want to be sitting in this stupid truck right now. I don’t want her to ever think again that I’ve chosen something, anything, over her. She’s everything. She’s mine, and I love her with all that I am.

“Shit.”

I grab my phone and call Mark back.

“What?!” he barks.

---