Page 131 of I Got You

“One day, we walked into a convenience store a few blocks from the trailer park and she walked out alone. I don’t know how long I stood there waiting for her to come back and get me, but eventually the cops were called. That letter is all I have.”

“Shane.” Her voice is so soft, but not a sound of pity, just…understanding.

“I think the authorities tried to locate her but weren’t successful. When I was drafted into the NFL and finally had a little money, I hired someone to look for her and my father. All I know is she died of an overdose a few years after leaving me. My investigator couldn’t find anything else about her family or history. Greg, well, you know he’s a piece of shit. Dealer and user of all kinds.”

I have nothing else to say, and Maggie stays quiet, too. I’m thankful that she doesn’t try to explain it away or make it better.

“I cried when I read the letter.” Her gentle words pierce my force field. “You can’t fake that kind of heartbreak. I have no doubt she was brokenhearted, desperate, and maybe doing the only right thing she knew. Maybe it was for you or her or both.” She pauses. “The part about sacrificing for the sake of someone else…is that why you married me?”

I try to answer as honestly as I can. “Maybe. At least partly. I hadn’t thought about the letter in years until you told me about your situation. From the day I could read them, I’ve wanted all those words in that letter to be true. I’ve wanted to believe that her leaving me was out of love. That she believed it was the only way to save me.”

“For years, I could never see how what I was going through would be better than being with her. Maybe it’s selfish, but I wanted to test it. To try and understand that kind of sacrifice. When I thought of marrying you, I knew I’d sacrifice a lot, but I also knew I could do it. There wasn’t really a reason not to. When I saw you all at the team party, I knew I had to. The thought of the kids being anywhere other than here, with you….”

Maggie lays her hand flat over my heart. “You knew what it was like to have everything you know taken away.”

“I’d never want that for any child, especially when I could see the bond you all have. The love between you and the dependency.”

She pushes up, resting her chin on my chest. “Right or wrong, whether those words are trustworthy or not, I’m so glad your mother gave you a chance. She certainly didn’t go about it the right way, but I’m guessing that not much in her life had. Look at you, though.” She tugs on my shirt and smiles. “Look what you’ve done with your life. All that you’ve accomplished and the person you’ve become.”

The tears in her eyes cause a lump to form in my throat.

“Maybe it would’ve turned out just the same if she hadn’t left you, but….” She shakes her head. “I don’t believe we go through a buttload of pain and suffering for nothing. You miraculously came out the other side. She gave you a chance. She saved you from the life she was drowning in. One, I imagine, would’ve taken you right under with her. The sacrifice is real. She could’ve made that five-year-old little boy hold her hand and watch her drown, and Shane, maybe she wouldn’t have let go.”

Tears run down Maggie’s cheeks, and I wipe them away before she rests her head on my chest again. What I know for sure is that I wouldn’t have ended up here. I wouldn’t be here with Maggie and the kids and this life I never knew I wanted.

I kiss her forehead as the fire crackles, letting this all ruminate. I want to believe that my mom left me because she loved me that much, or at least enough to want more for me. Knowing I’d give anything for these kids, I might finally be able to hold tight to the words she left me with.

Chapter 52

MAGGIE

“So you’ve got the kids for the next two nights, and then Gwen will be there in time for you to get to the airport.” I frantically dig through my bag, trying to find my chapstick. Where is it?!

“Maggie, I got it.” Shane grabs my hand and keeps it in his. “Try to relax. It’s all going to be ok.”

I look at him, all calm and relaxed, as he pulls into the lane that leads to the airport. I want to believe that, but my nerves are on high alert. I’ve never left the kids, and this show feels like a horrible idea. More than anything, I don’t want Shane to leave me at the curb without knowing what we’ll look like when I return. I crack the window, hoping the fresh air will help my queasy stomach.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” My fingers dig into the edge of the seat as the weight of a thousand elephants presses on my chest.

He takes his eyes off the road for a second, meeting mine. “Yes, you can.” His voice is calm and reassuring, but it’s not enough to make me believe it. “If it's even close to anything like what I’ve seen through the studio window and what you’ve shown me on your phone, it’s going to be incredible. Maggie, you are incredible.”

“How do you know?” I challenge, trying to will my voice and the rest of me to hold strong. “My ankle is a mess, and these next few days will be intense.”

“Maggie, breathe.” He lifts my hand and presses a kiss to the back of my wrist, where I’m certain my pulse is thumping. “You know what you’re doing.”

I inhale through my nose and close my eyes, knowing I want Shane to hold my hand the whole way, reminding me that I can do this. I don’t want him to drop me at the curb and leave me.

This past week, something shifted between us, and I finally feel like we are moving in a new direction. One that could be turned upside down with an offer from Ohio State.

I want to grab onto Shane and not let him go anywhere, but I also know he has to do this. He has to see what they say and decide on his own what he wants. He has to figure out what his future looks like and where the kids and I fall into that. If at all.

He pulls his truck up to the departure unloading zone, and I reluctantly gather my things.

“Anything Garrett eats, make sure there’s no trace of peas.”

“Maggie.” Shane’s deep voice is soothing. “I know.”

“And Liv can shower on her own. Just make sure you lay everything out for her beforehand.”

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