Page 124 of I Got You

I want to be alone. I’m confused and frustrated. I’m pissed, and I just want to understand. What the hell have we been doing? Shit!

I don’t want to face off with this massive man who’s just stepped on my heart. I want just a fucking minute to sift through it all and hopefully figure out if I’ve really been the fool I absolutely feel like I am.

Chapter 47

SHANE

“Would you say something?” I need her to talk to me. To say something, anything. I know this hurt her. I can see it in her eyes, but that was never my intention. I just wanted to figure out what I wanted first.

The thick, suffocating silence enveloping our ride home was like a long slow death. It’s not like her. Where’s the fire that I know burns within her when something strikes? This quiet calmness has my heart racing and my body breaking out in a cold sweat.

I watch her as she moves around our room, dropping her shoes in the closet before crossing the room to me. My hope is quickly squashed when she stands with her back to me, pointing to the zipper. “Can you help me, please?”

“No.”

“Come on, Shane. You made it clear you didn’t want to talk about it with me, so let me know when you get it figured out.”

Every single hair on my body stands at attention, singed with frustration. I want to protest, needing her to talk to me, yell at me, anything, but instead, I slowly pull the zipper down, revealing the soft skin of her bare back. I want to press a kiss there and tell her how sorry I am. I want to wrap her in my arms and never let her go.

Ignoring her desire for space, I let my shaky hands fold around her shoulders, not allowing her to escape. “Maggie, I’m sorry. Rob called me last week, told me that Ohio State was interested in talking to me, and that’s it. I asked him to get more information, specifically dates, but I wanted to figure out what I wanted before I said anything to you.”

Her shoulders relax just slightly, and a glimmer of hope rises again. She turns to face me, meeting my eyes. “I know you’re sorry. I’m not mad, at least about the opportunity. I just….” She lets out a breath, her eyes dropping to the floor. “Look, it's late. I’m tired, and I need a minute to think. I don’t want to talk about this or anything right now.”

I run my hands through my hair, and if it were long enough, I might actually pull it out. “I want to know what you’re thinking.”

Maggie takes a step back and closes her eyes, but when she looks back up at me, I think I might see the hint of tears. FUCK! The fact that I’m the cause of them is a fist to my stomach.

“Shane, I don’t know what I’m thinking.” I hear her frustration. “I thought….”

She doesn’t finish, but I need to know exactly what she was thinking before I lose my mind.

“What? You thought what?” My irritation is coming forth.

“It doesn’t matter?”

“The hell it doesn’t. I need to know what you were going to say.”

“Why? Why does it matter?”

She stares at me, daring me to tell her why what she thinks matters. Her blue eyes are set on mine, and anything I could possibly want to say gets lodged in my thick throat. It’s possible my empty heart might actually beat out of my chest as blood pulses through my ears.

She drops her head, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath like I’ve let her down again. She speaks softly. “I’m going to take a shower. I have to be at the studio early, and you need to be ready for the game.”

She disappears behind the bathroom door, and I start ripping at buttons on my shirt, unable to breathe. Finally free of it, I toss my shirt on the floor, trying to understand what just happened. How did I go from thinking I might have a chance to sitting here feeling like the best thing that ever happened to me just slipped through my fingers? I can’t think about that possibility. Somehow, some way, I’m going to make this better. I have to.

The idea of going back to the way things were, isn’t an option. I don’t know what Maggie thought or what she was going to say, but I need to. I need to know what she’s thinking and feeling which is completely unfair when I don’t know what this is that I’m feeling. All I know is I have to make this better, and I’m scared shitless of the possibility that I won’t be able to. I like calm security. Nothing about our situation feels calm or secure, and panic is knocking at my door.

My chest is achingly tight, like a hundred-pound weight has been dropped on it. I try to breathe and release the tension in my body, but inhaling is difficult and ragged. I swallow down the vomit that’s climbing up my throat with thoughts of losing Maggie.

I run my clammy shaky hand through my hair. Maggie needs a minute, so I’ll give her that, but that’s it. Just a minute, and then I’m going to make sure she tells me exactly what’s going on in that beautiful head of hers. I hope she’s ready because when that minute is up, I’m coming for her.

Chapter 48

MAGGIE

It’s 6:00 AM, and I tap the button to Facetime Danny. Calling him and working with him this morning is the last thing I want to do.

I’m so tired. After the benefit last night and finding out that Shane is being considered for the head coaching position at Ohio State, I didn’t sleep. I laid there, trying not to touch him, feel his warmth, or think about what it will be like when he’s not there anymore.

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