Page 115 of I Got You

Sean laughs. “No, I just have too much time on my hands.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I can give you something to think about. Ohio State is interested. Their head coach is retiring.”

“Huh. I can’t say I’m surprised after the season you’re having. What are you thinking? What does Maggie think?”

I let out a breath. “I don’t know. I haven’t told her.” I pause. “She has a lot on her plate, and I don’t want to add more if I’m not interested.”

“Are you protecting her or yourself?” His bluntness is why I called him. “This is a huge opportunity. Don’t you think you owe it to her to be able to weigh in on it? Unless you’re still pretending that she doesn’t matter.”

I groan. “It’s…complicated.”

He laughs. “It didn’t look all that complicated to me. You care about her. From what I saw, that wasn’t one-sided. If you want this to work, to last, then you’ve got to start acting like it. As scary as it may be, you’ve got to let her know that she matters.” I rub a hand over my face. “Letting her in might be a good place to start.”

“It’s not that simple,” I shoot back defensively.

“Shane, it actually is. You have to fight for what you want. You did that in every game. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve done that with this coaching gig. It’s the same thing in life and relationships.”

I scoff. “Is that what you’re doing?”

“It’s not what I’ve been doing, but that’s just it. I've suddenly realized I’m surrounded by a shit load of superficiality, and when you strip all that away, what’s left? It’s overwhelming. You work so hard to be something great and then realize maybe you were working for the wrong things.” He lets out a breath. “Don’t lose something really great, something real, because you’re afraid. At some point, you have to decide if the risk of losing her is greater than the fear of letting yourself fall in love.”

I take a deep breath, trying to let his words sink in. Even though I don’t want to hear them, this is why I called him. “That sounds a lot easier said than done.”

“Bro, no shit.” Sean laughs, and it makes me worry about him less.

“I don’t know how to do this.” I feel defeated.

“Do what?”

“Be even remotely close to what Maggie deserves. I never wanted this for myself. I never thought I could…that I’d care this much.”

Sean sighs. “I’d venture that you avoided the idea of a wife and family because the thought of losing something so great was too much. It wasn’t that you weren’t capable of it.”

I have to let that all sink in a moment, and even though I want it to help, it doesn’t. “What about Ohio State?” I need to focus on something I can actually control.

“See what they have to say and what they’re offering, then decide if you’re ready. But, Shane, you need to know what you’ll be sacrificing if you move on this.” He quiets. “I don’t want to look back and have regrets. I know you don’t either. Look at Mark. Sometimes those regrets are so big you never get over them.”

I wanted this to help, but I’m not sure it did. “Thanks, man. Take care, and don’t climb too far down in the pit. I don’t have the time to dig your sorry ass out.”

He laughs, and I lean back in my chair, trying to make sense of it all. Knowing what you want is one thing, and everything I knew about that is getting fuzzier by the second. Being able to have it is a whole other ball game, especially when those two things might be worlds apart.

∞∞∞

ME: I need exact dates and times. No commitments, just a conversation.

ROB: You got it. This is too big to pass up.

Chapter 44

MAGGIE

“Ok. How about this one?” I step out of the dressing room for what seems like the hundredth time.

“Nope.” Simone waves her finger, sending me back in while Carmen continues perusing the racks. “You aren’t going to this benefit looking like you stepped out of the Walmart clearance section.”

“I liked the material, and the color compliments my skin tone.” I unzip the dress and reach for the next one.

“We did not come here to let you leave with something like that. Shane will thank us.” Carmen chimes in.

---