Page 111 of I Got You

I spent the day in the studio with Danny, working out the kinks in our pas de deux, which was the distraction I needed after dropping the packet off with my lawyer. After handing it to the receptionist, I sat in my car, thinking about Shane and how he’d just sat with me while I told him. I had to trust him, and he didn’t disappoint.

He didn’t try to make it better or tell me it wasn’t my fault. He just sat with me, held me, and let me tell my story. He helped me see, maybe for the first time, that I was just a girl. I was a girl whose trust had been violated and her weakness exploited. It’s the start of me forgiving myself for something I should have never taken responsibility for in the first place. The problem is when you carry the shame for half your life, reversing the damage doesn’t come overnight. It’s a process, but handing that envelope over today is the beginning. It’s a step in letting go.

Ben called this afternoon and said he’d be in touch after communicating with Cliff’s attorney. He hopes that after the documents and pictures are reviewed, and our willingness to reopen the investigation into how the drugs were obtained is made clear, they’ll drop everything. Now I wait, praying that it will be enough, that the contents remain private, and Liv will stay with us.

I adjust the ice on my ankle with my opposite foot. It feels like it's broken all over again, and I’m not sure I can do this. I’ve had ice on it since I got home and out of a hot bath. I threw on one of Shane’s shirts and crawled onto the bed, but it hurts so bad I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk tomorrow. I take some deep breaths, trying to swallow down all of my worries, when I feel the bed sink down next to me.

I open my eyes to Shane’s rippled back. Great. Juuuuusssst great. I cannot process one more thing, let alone half-naked Shane. I love Shane. I’m in love with him. I was terrified out of my mind to tell him about Cliff and Joan. I’d never told anybody, not the whole story, but his belief in me, his support, and the fact that he’s still here makes my heart ache. It’s so full of love for him, and I have no idea what to do about it. I care about him so much, and it just soared to a whole new level. It’s all too much.

I whimper, and his gaze snaps around in my direction.

“Hey, sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”

“Noooo,” I whine. “I can’t move. Everything hurts so bad, even my hair, and I can’t turn my brain off.” He turns to lean back against the headboard, stretching out his legs, and then reaches over to push a strand of hair out of my face. “I’m not sure I can do this,” I admit quietly.

He leans forward, and his big hand moves the ice off my ankle to look at it. His fingers run over it, making me flinch, and then he adjusts the bag around it again.

When he settles next to me, he’s lying down. “How did this morning go?”

“Fine. We just have to wait and see if it works. Ben’s going to threaten to reopen the investigation into where the drugs came from and who they were obtained by. He’s hoping that will scare them into dropping things. They’re just so…manipulative. I’m worried it won’t make a difference, especially if they covered their tracks.”

Shane nods and squeezes my arm.

I can’t think about it anymore and need to change the subject. “Awesome game today. Your guys killed it, and Cole made it look easy. I texted him, and he’s out of his mind.”

“Yeah. They were all a little much on the ride back. They dumped the cooler on me, and I was about to lose my shit on the plane. It smelled, and everything stuck to me.”

I laugh. “But you did it. You’re headed to the playoffs.”

He lets out a breath. “Yeah. How was Danny?”

I delicately roll to my side and face him. “Being Danny. A little high-strung. He says some of the dancers aren’t cutting it. I’m wondering if I’m one of them.” I pause, and his hand brushes mine, but he doesn’t pull it away. It’s warm. I missed laying next to him and his body heat, but mostly how safe I feel tucked into him, like nothing can get to me there.

“You can do this,” he says, grabbing my hand and holding it. “You’re so strong. The strongest person I know.”

“I don’t know.” I’m really not sure that I can make this happen. My throat burns. “My spirit wants to believe it, but my body and my brain aren’t cooperating.”

He rolls on his side so we’re face to face. He’s so beautiful, and he has no idea. His dark hair, those everchanging brown-green eyes, strong jaw covered in day-old scruff, and all that seriousness. My eyes sting with uncertainty.

I’m so glad he’s home and I can’t hold it in. “I missed you,” I whisper.

His eyes roam over my face for a long while, and then one of his large hands moves to cup my cheek. I close my eyes, leaning into his touch. I want so many things, and one of them is Shane. I want him, but I want all of him, not just the scraps he’s willing to throw me.

I open my eyes, and he’s moving closer, his eyes never leaving mine. I can’t move a muscle even if I want to. They’re so sore, but also because I’m afraid if I do, I’ll spook him and he’ll stop. Is this a bad idea? Maybe, but I want so badly to have him take me somewhere else for a little while. Somewhere I’ve wanted to go for quite some time now.

His hand pushes into my hair, and his face is a quarter of an inch from mine. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. The only thing I can do is lay here and soak up every feeling, every touch, every movement because I know that after, nothing will be the same.

His lips press against my forehead. Once, twice, so so gently, moving down to my temple and then my cheek. His warm breath hovers over my mouth like he’s waiting for me to decide.

I know this is a risk, but I also know if there’s any risk worth taking, it’s this one, with this man. I reach up and run my finger along his stubbled jaw, hooking it around his chin to pull him to me. My lips find his and I’m no longer numb. My entire body ignites with desire and need.

Shane’s hand slides behind my back and pulls me closer, his mouth moving gently, slowly over mine. I bite his bottom lip lightly, teasingly, and I swear I hear him growl. My lips turn up in a smile, but it only lasts a second as his mouth crushes against mine. He slants his head, and our tongues meet, seeking more.

How long have I wanted to know what this would feel like? And it’s so much better than I ever imagined. It feels like a dream. I’m like Alice finally waking from the topsy-turvy Wonderland. This is it. He’s it. I’m safe and sound…with Shane.

His hand slides up my thigh and lands on my hip, gripping it while mine slips around his back, gliding over each defined muscle. Our kisses deepen and linger as our hands roam and explore, slowly discovering what’s been hovering around us for so long.

We break apart, needing air, and Shane’s lips make their way down my neck. He smells like him, and his massive, warm hands feel so good over my sore body. I want this, but I want more than this. I want more than just Shane’s body. He means too much to me.

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