Page 110 of I Got You

Somehow, Maggie has developed this way of seeing through me that I’m not totally comfortable with. I’m not sure how to answer. I feel like there are a bunch of missiles in the air, and I’m not sure where any of them are going to land or when they might explode.

“Yeah. It’s just quiet here.”

She laughs. “You should enjoy that while you have it. When this show is over, and Cliff and Joan take a hike to somewhere hot and eternal, I’m going to find a beach somewhere and plop my butt on it for about a week, listening to nothing but waves.”

Thoughts of Maggie in a bikini on the beach fill my mind. It’s better than any reprieve I could’ve imagined. “Sounds nice.”

“Grizz, are you a beach guy? You kind of strike me as an isolated log cabin in the woods with minimal invasions from the outside world kind of guy.”

I’m beginning to see that I’m a whatever includes Maggie in the fewest clothes possible kind of guy. “Sean, Mark, and I used to head to Florida every year when the season was over for a couple weeks.”

“Huh. I guess I can see that. Fun in the sun and all those beach bunnies. I get it.”

She doesn’t get it at all. There was a time when I didn’t make the best choices. I was young, dumb, and trying to fill a gaping hole with momentary fun. It didn’t take me long to learn nothing good came from my stupidity, and that was not how I wanted to live my life or the man I wanted to be. Sure, there were women everywhere, but that wasn’t my deal.

“I was in it for the heat, rest, and rejuvenation, letting my body heal.”

“Well, if you read to me while I lay in the sun, I might let you come along.”

I see what she’s done here. I’ve seen her do it with the kids. She’s completely distracted me, and it’s totally worked. I do feel better. “Maggie?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

“For what?” I know she’s smiling.

“You know. Don’t get a big head.”

“Me? Never. Want me to call you in the morning and turn on a little Eminem?”

I want to say yes. Call me. I want to tell her that I wish she was here or that I was there, but for some reason, I can’t let myself.

“Alright, Firefly. Go to sleep and make sure you set all one hundred alarms.”

“Ha.Ha. I wouldn’t mind so much missing out on tomorrow morning.” I don’t want her to take those documents in the morning, but I know she has to. When I don’t say anything, she speaks softly. “Shane.”

She doesn’t call me by my name very often, but when she does, a heat wave rolls over me from my head to my toes. “Yeah?”

“Good luck tomorrow. I’m going to watch as much as I can from my phone, but I’ll be at the studio. You should be really proud of what you’ve done and how hard you’ve worked. Win or lose, you’re making a name for yourself.”

I want to tell her about the call from Ohio State, but I can’t add that to her plate right now. I’m not sure if I even want it or if I’m ready for it, and I need to figure that out before I stir up one more thing in her life.

“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Goodnight.”

I watch tape for an hour and then turn out the lights, feeling better than I had two hours ago. Marrying Maggie has changed so many things in my life for the better. All of the things I thought I didn’t want, or maybe it was just that I didn't think I could have them, exist now. Going to Ohio State would change everything. It may be an opportunity I can’t refuse, but choosing between Maggie and the kids and my future in football seems like an impossible decision.

So I push that aside and decide to focus on the game with a little bit of laying on the beach with Maggie mixed in, hoping it will get me through the night.

Chapter 42

MAGGIE

I’m numb. It’s like everything feels so bad, I can’t feel anything at all. My body. My brain. My spirit. All three have taken a massive hit and need to be peeled off the floor, like a cartoon character flattened by a steam roller.

I’ve laid for the past thirty minutes flat on my back in the middle of the bed, praying. I heard Shane come in, but he went straight into the bathroom without much more than a hello. I couldn’t even move to look at him. The Moose won the game today, and a couple of guys dumped a giant cooler of Gatorade on him, which I’m sure made for a comfy flight home.

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