Page 101 of I Got You

I look at him in all his goodness and sincerity. Where would I even begin? I feel like I walked into the restaurant tonight one person and out another. It’s not true. It's all me. I’m just a lot more confused, then add a bunch of shame and embarrassment on top with a little layer of anger tossed in, and my complete exhaustion isn’t helping.

“What do you mean?” I know exactly what he wants to know, but I don’t want to tell him.

One dark eyebrow raises just slightly, those gentle eyes focused on nothing but me. “Something happened between the bar and the table. I want to know what it was?”

He stares into me. Not at me. It’s like he’s looking so far inside he might just be able to see my soul, and it makes me want to curl into a ball. I’m not sure I want him to see that much.

But here I am, being held prisoner in my own car by this man who’s causing a butt load of confusion. Feelings, emotions, hormones…he’s turned everything upside down, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Do I want to tell him that at the moment? No. Do I want to kiss him and hope we can skip the rest of this conversation, maybe figure it out later? Definitely, yes. Will it help anything? Probably not, but it’d likely feel really good and be a wonderful distraction. Damn it! I wish I could just hand him my heart and ask him to hold it for safekeeping.

The thing I know about Shane is he would. He’d hold it with tender care. The problem is, how will I get it back when all of this falls apart? When he’s ready to move on to whatever is next for him.

“Maggie.” The way he says my name so patiently makes me want to lean into him and hold on for dear life.

I tug the bottom of my coat down, trying to chase the endless list of things running circles in my mind, making it really hard to think straight or even at all.

Let's see, what can I say? How about I’m possibly, very likely, almost surely falling for you, big guy? I could say that. Or wait. What happens when you get the call that Sean was talking about? The one that has you taking off to coach at another school. Hmmm. No. Oh. Maybe I should talk to him about what Danny said and the misery I carry around because I was young and naive and just wanted to feel something. Perhaps we could talk about that and how, any minute, I’ll have to hand that load of humiliation over to the attorney, potentially spilling the most private and embarrassing details of my life. Nope. Definitely not going there right now.

I take a breath feeling like I’m being swallowed whole by my emotional baggage, and force myself to meet his searching eyes. “Can we just go with I’m exhausted? Can that just be enough for now?”

“No.” Shane doesn’t move an inch.

Someone help me. Why does he have to smell so freaking good and look at me like that? “Grizz,” I say, trying to keep myself calm.

“Maggie. Tell me.”

“How about I hug you instead? That will help.”

He shakes his head. “No. I’ll hug you after. Extra long if you want.”

Oh hell. Oxygen can no longer make it down my windpipe, and my lungs are on fire. Tears start to spring forth, and I yell at them with hysterical warning to retreat.

Shane cups my cheek with his hand. Oh shit. What am I supposed to do with this?

I close my eyes and allow myself just one second to savor his touch while I muster the courage to pull forth gut-wrenching honesty. “I don’t want to tell you,” I whisper. “I don’t want to talk about any of this now or maybe ever. Can you understand that?”

When he says nothing, I drag my eyes back up to his. His eyes flick between mine. I know he understands. He probably understands better than anyone, but even then, he surprises me.

He releases my cheek, pulls me to him, and hugs the absolute shit out of me. He stands there hunched over, halfway inside the car, hugging me like I’ve never been hugged before. I’m completely engulfed by him, and it’s warm and safe and the only place I want to be. I want to stay here with him forever, and this realization is what has a single tear rolling down my cheek.

I allow just the one and then decide to hug him back, thanking him for understanding and caring enough about me to not push. I want Shane. I want all of him. Every single bit. I have freaking gone and fallen in love with him. Poop. Crap. Baaaallllls. Shit…Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!

Chapter 38

MAGGIE

“Mark, that was awesome.” Teddy slaps Mark’s hand. “I seriously thought I peed myself.” Mark grins, and Sean laughs as Teddy grabs his lunch box.

“You be good, you little gangster.” Mark pats his head. “And it’s your job to make your bed when you get home.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Teddy says, and then he and Garrett bump fists with the two big guys on their way out the door.

“Hey,” I holler. “Where’s my hug?”

“Later, bruh,” Teddy yells, throwing me a peace sign as Garrett runs back to hug me.

“See you later and keep him out of trouble.” I squeeze him before he runs after Teddy.

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