Page 76 of I Got You

“Stop. I’m fine. I know where we stand now.” She takes a step back.

I’m confused. I have no idea where we stand. “What do you want?”

“What do I want?” She scoffs and shakes her head, letting it fall forward. “I want to take a long hot shower, scrub my skin until it feels like mine again, and then go to bed.”

I take a step back, seeing how tired she is and how hard she’s trying to be ok. The least I can do is do what she’s asking, but this conversation isn’t finished. I don’t know how to make it better, but I will.

I move, and she goes into the bathroom, leaving me to loathe myself. She wanted me there, and I wasn’t. She was waiting for me, and I didn’t show. The worst part is that she didn’t just want anyone there. She wanted me. Maggie wanted me, and I let her down.

I sit on the edge of the bed, trying to absorb all she just let loose. A lot is happening here, and I’m sitting in the dark. She may not want me here tonight next to her, but I’m not going anywhere.

I screwed up. I don’t know how to fix this, but I will. All I have to do is figure out how to show her it won’t happen again.

Chapter 27

MAGGIE

I stand with my head bowed, eyes closed, swaying to the music, hoping it will speak to me. Lift me. Give me something to go on. I didn’t sleep well, even with Shane next to me. Memories and worries flooded my mind and dreams.

Once, I woke to Shane’s big hands cradling my face, and without saying a word, he wrapped me up and held me while I cried myself back asleep. It took a long while, and as much as I didn’t want to need his comfort, I did. Having him there in my time of need felt strange, but there he was. Big and strong and quiet. We didn’t speak. He just held me.

But today is another day, and I pray that this will all somehow be ok. I need to lay these memories and grief down so I can focus on the steps I need to take to ensure Liv remains with me. I need strength and direction. I won’t be weak. I won’t let Cliff or Joan intimidate me or use me ever again. I’ll fight this time, even if that means digging up more painful memories and reopening old wounds.

I feel Shane’s big presence next to me and survey him out of the corner of my eye. I was hard on him and laid a lot on him that wasn’t fair. He didn’t know about my mom and couldn’t have anticipated how yesterday would hit me.

I wanted him there, but I wanted him there as something more than what we are. This was an arrangement, nothing more.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I can’t help but look at it, waiting for more bad news.

DANNY: What can I do to change your mind?

I put my phone away with Shane staring down at me. At a different time, dancing with Danny or in a show like this would be a no-brainer. Even now, if I’m honest with myself, I want it. I want to dance like that again, or at least see if I can.

If it were one of the kids, I’d tell them to give it everything they’ve got. If my dad were here, he’d tell me that if we’re lucky, we get to decide when the game is over, not letting anyone or anything dictate that for us.

Shane’s words come back to mind. I shouldn’t let Danny or our history have the power to keep me from fulfilling a dream.

My mom would hold my face just like she did before every recital.

“Maggie, we step out on stage to show the world what’s in our hearts. It’s how dancers communicate. So go tell them, whatever that is, and hold nothing back. Show the world who you are.”

I’m not sure I know who I am as a dancer or what I’m made of anymore, but I think it might be about time I find out. It might take stepping out on that stage one more time and showing the world, but mostly myself, exactly who that is.

I raise my head, feeling like I have a chance. A chance to make a change. No longer a victim but a fighter. I’ll fight for Liv, for my family, for myself, and I’ll fight for Shane. I want the friendship we were building to continue to grow because regardless of how and why, he’s become more important to me than I ever could have imagined.

Chapter 28

SHANE

ME: You were right. What now?

SEAN: APOLOGIZE!!!! You dummy. Grovel.

ME: Already did that. It wasn’t enough. She’s quiet.

SEAN: I’d prefer a root canal to the silent treatment.

ME: It’s worse. She’s different with me now.

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