Page 16 of I Got You

After the burial, he and Clara asked if the kids and I would come to the party to quietly honor my dad, which he would’ve enjoyed. Those that he loved celebrating the game that he loved. He didn’t want a funeral or a large gathering, but he’d be okay with this.

“I assume he’ll be there, but the party is for the team and the start of the season. Only CC, Clara, Cole, the kids, and I know we’re remembering my dad. I need to focus on ensuring I’m being a good example and providing a stable environment, not chasing after guys like some desperate woman.”

I peel at the label on my warm beer. “I just want this all to go away,” I whisper, feeling the weight of it all. I haven’t cried since the day my dad was buried, but the lump in my throat is swelling larger by the minute and will explode with the slightest additional pressure.

“We know.” Carmen rubs my shoulder. “Maybe we should go so you can take a hot bath before the kids get home.”

We say goodnight, and I run a bath and sink into it, trying to clear my mind. I’ve done my best to keep things positive and light for the kids, and they seem to be doing alright. They also said goodbye to their father, but they remember a man they only experienced on a screen.

It’s what makes me the saddest. I have years of memories of the man who showed me what it’s to be loved. The kids have Cole and me, but soon it’ll just be me. It’s my job to protect them and show them what it means to be loved, and I’m scared to death I’ll screw it all up.

I left New York when Dad could no longer care for himself. I promised him I’d look after them and show them the love he would’ve if he’d been able. Doing this alone is the most difficult and terrifyingly lonely thing I’ve ever done.

I’m twenty-five, and instead of going out, dating, and planning adventures, I’m praying that I’m not making a mess of four awesome kids.

Hearing my friends talk about their relationships makes me wish for a partner. Someone who could help carry the load, to whisper my fears to, and hold my hand when things get really tough. I’m tired and sad, and I don’t want to do this alone.

My throat grows tight, and I feel the swell of a full-on breakdown, but I can’t let myself. It won’t help anything. I have to keep doing my best to show the kids that I’m here and not going anywhere. I want them to know that they’re safe and loved. Hopefully, if I can do that, show they’re happy and thriving, it’ll somehow be enough.

Chapter 6

SHANE

I shut down my computer and rub my eyes, grabbing my keys. It’s late, and I’ve looked at so many spreadsheets the gridlines might be permanently etched in my vision. I lock my office door and hear a voice that sounds like it’s coming from the locker room. I frown, thinking all the players would have left by now after a long practice and extra drills.

As I get closer, the voice becomes louder and more tense, sounding a bit panicked.

“No, you can’t do that. That’s dangerous.” Pause. “I don’t care. I’ll quit, move back in, and we’ll figure it out.” Pause. I step around the corner and see Cole resting his head against his locker with this phone to his ear. “No, Maggie. This isn’t all on you. I promised him, too. They won’t get their hands on them. I don’t care what we have to do. They’re sick, and what they did to you….” He pauses, listening, taking deep breaths. “I know.” His tone is soft. “Ok. I love you too.”

He hangs up, drops his head, and slams his locker shut so hard that the door bounces back open as it vibrates. He sits down on the bench, his head in his hands. I give him just a second to cool down.

“You alright?”

His head snaps up in surprise. “Sorry, coach.” He stands. “I….” He doesn’t finish, but the kid looks like he’s about to fall apart.

I’m not good with emotions, but I’ve seen my fair share of locker slams. I know when my brothers have issues, letting it fester only makes it worse, so we get to the bottom of it even if we have to beat it out of each other. This kid just lost his father, and based on what Maggie told me and his side of his phone conversation, the grief and pressure of their situation is alive and screaming.

I step toward him, shoving my hands in my pockets. “Want to talk about it?” Please say no.

His head drops again with a strangled laugh. “Where do I even start?”

“I heard you when I was locking up. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

He takes a seat again on the bench, hunched over his arms on his knees. “This…this game is all I have left of him.” He takes a deep breath. “But, my brothers and sister…I promised him I’d watch out for them. I told him I’d help Maggie do whatever is necessary to take care of them and keep them safe. First, their mom just takes off. I mean…who does that?”

A familiar spear slices through my chest as he breathes.

“Now, my dad’s brother...saying they were enemies is putting it mildly.” Cole shakes his head. “They will do nothing but use these kids for revenge or leverage for whatever they can get out of them. And Maggie…it will destroy her.”

He runs a hand over his face. “She’s given up everything to take care of them so I can keep playing. Now, her friends have her signed up on one of those dating websites and are introducing her to guys. Can you even imagine the men who will prey on her when they find out who my dad is?” He sounds pained as his eyes meet mine, and I can’t say he’s wrong to be concerned. “She keeps saying she’ll figure it out, and I can’t quit, but how can I not? I can’t let anything happen to them. Any of them.”

Tears form in his eyes, and I look away, giving him space from my presence.

“I love playing football. It means everything to carry the name on the back of my jersey when I step out on the field. I want nothing more than to make my dad proud, but I can’t do that and let any of them lose each other. I can’t lose them.”

I move to sit beside him, letting everything he just said ruminate. I have nothing to relate to in this except I’d go down swinging for my brothers, but they are grown men, not children. What Cole laid out was a lot, and based on his state, the fear is real, and it stirs that nagging feeling inside me I’ve been ignoring since the day Maggie climbed out of my truck.

I push out a breath, having no idea what to say to this kid, but I try. “Football was all I had. I loved every minute, even when I puked, was in pain, or felt like I’d never make it. Some days, it was what kept my head above water rather than drowning in a world that was just waiting to suck me in and under.” I match his posture, placing my arms on my knees. “We don’t just give it up and walk away.”

---