Page 15 of I Got You

It’s how he wanted it. No fanfare. No spectacle or publicity that would follow the kids to school or our home, and I need to keep Cliff and Joan at bay as long as possible.

He wanted the kids to have a quiet life. A life they could define on their own terms and not based on who he was. He wanted to go and be remembered the way that he was before. Not as the man confined to a debilitating diagnosis that took his dignity and pride.

He was known not just for his physical ability but strategizing and seeing beyond the limits of the field. Ultimately, he lost both his ability and his mind until nothing was left of the man the world once knew.

But he was so much more than that. He was my dad. I miss him so terribly that sometimes I can’t breathe, but that started years ago. I’d said goodbye to the man who raised me. The man who cheered me on through life, held me when I fell, and showed me how to dust myself off and get back up to try again. The man who’d be sitting next to me right now with his hand on my back telling me it was time to get my butt off the bench and get my head in the game.

So no matter how badly I want to curl into a ball and hide, to let myself cry and fall apart into a million pieces, I won’t. I can’t. I have four kids that depend on me. They rely on me to be ok, to keep going, to be the one who keeps things steady and them safe.

“Carmen, please tell me you have something for me.” Carmen is the blond, curvy, sweet, and tender-hearted one of us. She’s engaged to the kindest burly man and is getting married in just a few months.

“Honey, maybe there’s another way, or maybe we should just pray your aunt and uncle have moved on from their vendetta.”

I roll my head to the side just enough to peek at her with one eye. One side of her face is scrunched like she knows it’s wishful thinking.

“However,” she adds, twisting her water bottle between her fingers. “We could get you signed up online. I could write a program to help identify the real possibilities.”

The laugh that bubbles out of me is like a breath of fresh air. It’s light and freeing.

“Come on, there has to be something other than getting married,” Simone says. “Like, can’t you just prove they’re worthless pieces of crap who are manipulative and sick in the head? I mean, they tried to turn you into some southern debutante, and his wife is just as messed up as he is.”

“I wish it were that easy. It should be that easy. Unfortunately, everything they can offer looks dependable and more capable than I am. The lawyer said my best chance of keeping them with me is if I’m married. I need to demonstrate a stable family unit.” I slouch in my chair, resting my head against the back. “It’s only a matter of time until they find out he’s gone, and they attack.”

There’s more, but I don’t want to talk about it. I could testify about my own experience with them, but I can’t. It’s embarrassing and shameful, causing the minimal contents of my stomach to catch a ride upward just thinking about it. It’s my word against theirs during one of the darkest times of my life. A time that I have no desire to revisit. Ever.

Simone sets her chin on her fist like she’s trying to solve a puzzle. Her perfect brows narrowed. “But doesn’t his will declare you as guardian?”

“Yes, but you have to think like lowlifes. They’ll argue he wasn’t mentally sound when he decided that. The last time it was updated was years ago when Monica left. They’ll pull every string, including whatever they can dig up, to prove I’m unfit.”

“What about Monica?” Carmen refers to the kids’ neglectful, unattached, self-centered, sorry excuse of a mother. “Have you heard from her?”

A laugh of hysteria spills out of my mouth. “She calls occasionally like she’s checking in with a long-lost friend. She asks about the kids and sends them a card or a birthday gift, but she has no attachment to them. She’s living her best life.”

“Why did he ever marry her?”

Simone asks the question I’ve asked myself a million times. Each time, I toss it down immediately because if my dad hadn’t married Monica, I wouldn’t have the boys and Liv. So it doesn’t matter why he married her. What matters is what I’m going to do to protect them.

I push my undrunk beer away. “Let’s talk about something else. I need a distraction from my life.”

“We should go out,” Simone suggests. “A legit girls night. Laughter and dancing. Maybe you’ll meet Mr. Love At First Sight, or we could invite the new coach.” She waggles her eyebrows.

I’d told the girls about my run-in with Shane on the football field and that he drove me to the hospital. I did not tell them how I’d spilled my guts or the embarrassing fact that I’d hugged him in the gym parking lot and wouldn’t let go.

I’m chalking it up to emotional overdrive and a momentary mental breakdown. They’d never know how much I needed that hug and how much he likely detested it. That hug is the most action I’ve seen since I broke up with my ex before moving back from New York, and it was a nice hug, even if Shane hated every second of my holding on to him. It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt safe and not alone, and surprisingly for that brief moment, that’s exactly how I felt wrapped in his massive arms.

“I can call John and have him invite some friends.” Carmen offers sweetly like that might help my desperate situation.

“I can’t. Cole will be bringing the kids back anytime. He has to study since he missed so many classes this week. And I won’t be inviting Shane Carter to hang out. He’s Cole’s football coach, and I’m pretty sure he’s got a permanent frown.”

Simone snorts. “Grumpy or not, he’s hot. All those muscles, that strong jaw, and those intense eyes.”

Carmen pipes in, ignoring Simone. “Won’t Shane be at Coach Cavanaugh and Clara's party?”

The back of my head hits the top of the chair. These girls are stuck on Shane. Seriously.

I don’t want to think about Shane. If I had to admit it, I’d agree. He’s hot, but that’s it. He helped me when I needed it. I still have no idea why he was even there that day, but regardless he’s one of Cole’s coaches.

Will he be at the party? Most likely, but I don’t care. CC and Clara throw a party for the team each year before the season starts. A time for team bonding and all that. CC is a no-nonsense coach. The game is strictly business, but his players are his for the season, and he takes that just as seriously.

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