Page 37 of De Vil

Mommy takes a knife and cuts the rope on my legs and removes them from my arms. When my legs fall to the bed, the clamps stretch, and I scream out in agony. I had forgotten about them. She doesn't remove them from my body though. Instead, she continues to stroke my face and smiles at me.

"Well, it's just a bad memory, little one. I'm here and it's time to eat." I'm happy she doesn't want to know what the memory was. If she did, she'd probably say I deserved it too. That's not something I want to hear.

"Open your mouth." When she brings the spoon to me, I open, obediently. "Good girl."

Those two little words melt me, helping to wash away the long-term disgust I feel every time I think about the mishaps of my life. Mommy continues to feed me, one spoonful of food after another. I make sure to swallow every bite.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" She sits the bowl down on the bedside table.

"Talk about what?"

"The memory. Your behavior today. How you disobeyed me."

"Can you untie me, please, Mommy?" I want to wrap my arms around her. It's driving me insane that I can't touch her.

"Not yet. There's too much to discuss, and while I know you are having a hard time right now, your punishment is not over."

"But..." It's the wrong thing to say. She glares at me and starts to move away. "I'm sorry. Please, don't leave. Oh God, please."

Yeah, the panic has its hold on me, and I'm unable to control it. I'm freaking out so badly. I'm pulling against the rope and pulling on the clamps. The pain is irrelevant to how I'm feeling right now.

"Tia!" Mommy's sharp voice cuts through my chaotic thoughts, and I look at her, huffing and puffing. "Enough, little one. Enough. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to get the chair right over there." She points to the chair in the corner of the room, and the relief that washes over me is tremendous.

Until she comes back and sits down, I don't calm down. I can't. The feeling of needing to touch her and be in her lap is so fucking overwhelming, I can't think. "If you’ll calm down and talk to me, we can get you out of your restraints. Does that sound like a plan?"

“Yes, Mommy." Anything. Anything at all at this point.

"Good, little one." That's better than her saying my name. "Let's start with your disobedience."

"Yes ma'am." A surge of shame goes through me, and I wonder why. I've never felt this way before—except with Coach. It's like she makes me want to be good. I don't understand it.

"Why didn't you text or call me to let me know that Jazz wasn't in her dorm?"

"I didn't want to bother you while you were in your meeting."

She reaches over and takes a nipple clamp off, and I gasp as the pain throbs within my engorged nipple. "Very good. But you should know you are not bothering me, ever. Always text or call me to let me know what's going on with you."

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry."

For the next hour, we talk to each other. Tia has confirmed so many things for me. One of them being she needs me more than I thought. I thought I was obsessed, but she's become highly attached. Needy and whether Tia realizes it or not, she's got massive anxiety over being left alone. To the point it could be very dangerous for her when she's alone, she does things in the stupid sector. Like today. This is going to change how I do things with her. Codependency is frightening considering I've always thought of myself as a lone wolf. Taking a deep breath, I watch my sweet little girl sleep. It hurts to know she thinks she has to be destructive to get my attention.

Watching her sleep is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. I've been thinking of ways to keep myself calm, but I jump at every sound she makes. Is she alright? Will she freak out again if I'm not in eye contact?

I'm so caught up in my thoughts, I don't hear the phone at first. But multiple texts come in before I catch it going off.

Chris:Found Jazz and I need you to keep Tia away from her for a few days.

Chris:Need to take her to a family function.

Chris:Got it?

Me:No problem. But we can't keep them separated for a long time. It's not a good idea for either one of them.

Chris: Why do you say that?

Me:I'm finding codependent tendencies with Tia, but I know that it isn't just her.

Chris:Understood.

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