Page 31 of Perfect Bragg

“Okay. I’ll be in touch.”

I disconnect the call and shove the phone in my back pocket. Who is Wesley Zimmerman? How did Amy know him? Why didn’t she tell me any of this? We were close. Or, at least, I thought we were.

I check to make sure Robin’s still sleeping before going in search of the letter. I brew myself a coffee and sit at the kitchen table to read it.

Dear Harmony,

If you’re reading this, then I’m gone. I hope no one tells you ‘I’m sorry for your loss’. I know how much you hate those words.

I’m sorry we haven’t been as close this past year as we have been in the past. Getting pregnant, having a baby – it changes your entire life. And I wasn’t prepared.

But you’re not reading this to learn about my regrets. We always promised we would have no regrets. Do you have regrets in your life? I hope not.

You must be wondering who Robin’s father is. I always avoided the question when I was alive. (Man, is it weird writing ‘when I was alive’.) I never told you because I was ashamed. I can hear you protest now. I can’t remember how many times you told me to ‘never be ashamed’.

Well, when you do something awful, you feel ashamed. No matter how many times your cousin tells you not to be!

I got involved with the wrong man. It was a one-night stand with Wesley Zimmerman at first. But I was lonely and bored and I let myself get lost in him.

When I told him I got pregnant, he accused me of trying to trap him. And, I can admit it now, I might have gotten pregnant on purpose. Not to trap Wesley. Not likely! But to be less alone.

When Wesley accused me of trying to trap him, we broke up. Which is when I found out what kind of man he was. He’d show up at the house drunk or stoned or whatever at all times of the night begging me to take him back.

You know I would never take a man back who drinks or uses drugs. Not after what happened to my family. The last time I saw him – when I was six months pregnant – he claimed he was going to rehab. I don’t know if he ever did.

I do know he wasn’t there for the birth of his child. I broke down and messaged him. He helped create Robin after all, but I couldn’t get in touch with him.

This is where I make the big ask. Will you keep Robin? Will you raise her? Teach her all the things you taught me? Tell her about her mommy. The good stuff – how I could do a handstand for thirty seconds – and not the bad stuff – how I fell for the wrong man.

I know it’s a big ask but I have no one else. I can practically see you rolling your eyes now. ‘Of course, Amy. Whatever you want, I’m here for you.’

Thank you for always being there for me. I’ll miss you.

Love,

Amy

“Harmony. Harmony! What’s wrong?” Elder shouts as he rushes into the house.

I should probably ask what he’s doing inside my house, but I have more important matters to deal with.

“It’s Amy. I’m losing the baby,” I blubber

He picks me up and cradles me in his arms before sitting on the sofa. I bury my face in his shoulder and cling to his t-shirt as I allow the tears, I haven’t had a chance to cry since Amy died, to fall.

“I’m sorry,” I tell his t-shirt.

He rubs his hand up and down my back. “There’s no reason to be sorry. You cry as long as you need to. I don’t have anywhere I need to be.”

“Thanks.” I hiccup.

“Is there any particular reason you’re crying on your kitchen table today?” he asks once I calm down. “Or is this one of those I’ll cry if I want to moments.”

I lean back to meet his eyes. “You’re dying to tell a joke about crying, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“Go ahead. Get it out of your system.”

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