Page 85 of Perfect Bragg

The microwave dings. “Ms. Robin’s breakfast is ready.”

I follow him into the kitchen and scowl when I notice Billy rooting around on the floor. “What is the goat doing in the kitchen?”

“You’re asking me? You’re the one who lets Billy do what Billy wants.”

“Not today.” I grab Billy’s collar and herd him toward the door. He fights me by thrashing and stomping.

“Be a good goat, Billy.”

“Baa!”

“I swear I’ll make you into goat stew if you don’t listen to me today.”

Wrong thing to say. Billy fights me even harder. I open the back door and try to push him outside, but he doesn’t want to go outside. He wants a banana. He knows I have one for him. I do most mornings. Not today, though.

“Are you going to help me or stand there watching?” I hiss at Elder.

He drops the toast into the toaster before running over to me. “What do you want me to do?”

“Are you serious? Help me get Billy outside before he shits all over me.”

He holds up his hands and retreats a step. “Do goats shit as a defense mechanism?”

“Get your behind over here and help or I’ll tell your brothers where you get your jokes from.”

He gasps. “You wouldn’t.”

“I’m wrestling a goat. Do you really want to test me now?”

He picks up a dish towel and wraps it around his hands. While I pull on Billy’s harness, he pushes on the goat’s butt.

“Come on, Billy. I’ll give you two bananas tomorrow.”

Baa!

“Yes, I promise.”

Baa!

He stops fighting and dashes outside. I release his collar but not before he manages to drag me outside with him. He jumps off the porch and I fall to my knees before skidding to a halt.

“Harmony!” Elder rushes to my side. “Are you okay?”

He helps me stand and I brush the dirt off of my skirt.

“You’re bleeding.”

I glance down at my knees. Shit. I am bleeding.

“Great. Just great,” I grumble as I march back inside. “What judge is going to award me custody when I show up at the courthouse in a rumpled suit and bloody knees?”

Elder grips my shoulders. “Relax. You have plenty of time to change.”

“Into what? This is the one nice outfit I own.”

“You must have a dress you can wear.”

“My dresses are not intended for a court appearance.”

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