“Before her, you were my entire world. Now you both share that place, but you’re irreplaceable in your own way.” His words squeeze the breath from my lungs.
“I still don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Benedict?” I shake my head, trying to ignore the way my traitorous heart quickens at his words. I can’t let him back in so easily, no matter how sweetly he speaks.
I’m no one to him—at least, that’s what I tell myself. I’m working so hard to erase him completely, to cauterize this wound he left in my soul. But it’s so easy to slip back into old habits with him.
No, I refuse to be swayed by sweet nothings no matter how much my foolish heart wants to believe them. I’m no longer the naïve girl who mistook his friendship for something more. It’s time I learn my worth, even if it means finally saying goodbye to this man I’ve loved my whole life.
He may have been my entire world once, but I cannot build dreams on a crumbling foundation, no matter how badly I wish otherwise.
“You know what? I don’t care. Just leave.” I point toward the door.
I need something solid, lasting—not sweet words written in sand for the next wave to erase.
Chapter Nineteen
Benedict
“You know what? I don’t care. Just leave,” Cory snaps, jabbing her finger angrily toward the door. Her eyes blaze with hurt and fury. Jaw clenched tight.
I stand frozen, her words hitting me like a physical blow. This can’t be how it ends between us, not like this, not when it never started.
“Cory, please…” I begin, my voice cracking painfully.
She crosses her arms, glaring at me. “I truly don’t know what you want from me, but as I keep saying, I’m not interested in your friendship or whatever it is that we’ve had. I deserve better.”
Her rejection slices through me, but I know I’ve brought this on myself.
I did it every time I hid the depth of my feelings for her and pushed her away out of fear. My regrets and longing pour out of me.
“You’re right. You deserve so much more, which is why I’ve kept my distance from you since I met you,” I say, straightening my back and grabbing hold of this situation.
If this is our last conversation, I’m laying it all on the line. I held myself back, missing chances with her due to my own cowardice. Atzi says I broke Cory’s heart, and knowing I hurt her makes me feel ill. Because the truth is, I adore Cory with all my heart. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
I should have loved her openly, long ago. Instead, I waited too long, and now I’ve lost her. By the fury in her eyes, I’m certain she must hate me. I rake my hands through my hair, desperately seeking the words to break through to her. But the damage seems too deep to repair.
“Please Cory, please,” I rasp in agony. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I can’t lose you. Not when I finally understand what you mean to me. How much I lo—”
“What are you doing?” she interrupts sharply. Slowly, she begins shaking her head, face crumpling as she covers her ears. “No. No, no. No, no, no, no, no. I won’t listen, not after everything you put me through.”
Her rejection lands like a knife in my heart. I reach for her instinctively but stop myself, hands falling uselessly to my sides. All I want is to comfort her, but I know I’m the one causing this pain. This beautiful, vibrant woman that still owns my battered heart—I’m the reason she’s broken.
After a few minutes, Cory stands directly in front of me, poking my chest sharply. “How dare you come here and…” She trails off, huffing as her eyes blaze. “Why are you really here, Benedict? I’m trying to move on. You’ve broken my heart too many times.”
“If I had known, I would have—”
“Stop,” she cuts me off harshly.
“Just give me five minutes to explain,” I plead.
“You don’t deserve even that much,” Cory snaps. “Let me tell you what would have happened if I’d confessed I was in love with you back then. You would have rejected me, called it some stupid fantasy. But now that I’m not fawning over you, you need my attention again?”
I open my mouth, but she barrels on. “Every time I start to heal, you rip the stitches open. My heart begins to bleed and no one, no one, is ever there to hold me. This time was worse because it wasn’t just you—it was Bernie too.” Her voice catches as tears shimmer in her eyes. “You made it clear I’m not allowed to love her. I’m done with you.”
This is all me. My girls are hurting because I’m emotionally immature. I thought I knew more than many and that having millions of friends made me better than many. Nope. If there’s something I’m learning through therapy, it’s that sometimes perception is different from reality.
“This is a poor excuse, but I followed the wrong advice,” I admit, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“I don’t care,” Cory says sharply, arms folded across her chest.