Page 6 of Spare the Rod

Could I leave thoughts of the woman behind?

Moreso, could I leave the woman behind altogether?

After tonight would I be content listening to her confessions and not being able to touch her? Knowing where she was going and what she was doing, but at the same time that she was not being taught properly or taken care of the way she deserved?

I sounded like a creepy stalker. I didn’t even know the woman outside of confessional and my brief interaction with her tonight. And she certainly didn’t know me. She hadn’t even seen me before outside of tonight, and that wasn’t even much. There was something about her. Something I couldn’t explain that called to me and the long buried Dom in me needed to see her taken care of.

I ran my hand over my face as indecision warred in me. Just because I wanted to see her taken care of didn’t mean I needed to give into the carnal side of things again. It didn’t mean I needed to stray from this path I had chosen. God had led me here for a reason. It had been my sanity so many years ago, and I would not stray from it now. I knelt at the foot of my bed and began to pray for forgiveness and resolve. As much as it would test me, I would not fail.

Confession was the next day and it was my duty to sit and hear the parishioners. I knew she would be there. She was always there. Each time the door slid open my gut clenched in dread and anticipation, but as the day wore on and it wasn’t her I began to relax, listening to the confessions of those that came for their absolution.

A glance at my watch told me it was almost the end of my time, and I let out a sigh of relief. I would not have to be put through the torture of listening to her recap the night before.

The door slid open and this would be the last confession of the night before I was relieved of my duties.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The blood pounded in my ears at the sound of her voice, a deafening roar that I couldn’t fathom how the rest of the clergy couldn’t hear.

“It has been one week since I have confessed my sins.” Her words were barely audible through the sound of my own shock. My shock kept me quiet, but I already knew the answer to my unasked question anyway.

“I was not able to resist temptation, Father. I returned to the club. To the den of sin.” She sounded contrite, but beneath it I sensed something else. I hated myself for wanting to know more.

“You seem to feel guilt for your actions. I can hear it in your voice. I sense you have good intentions, but you still return. Why?”

“Before last night,” she paused, letting out a deep sigh, a sigh that moved something in me I couldn’t explain. “Before last night I would have said it was just to be free. It brought something out in me I never had before. Always bound by rules. Rules from my family. Rules from the church. Rules from society. But there, it was okay to be free.”

“What changed last night?” My voice was strained and I knew it. I knew I was walking a precarious path I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t even be entertaining this train of thought, but this deep part of me needed to know what she was thinking more than I needed to walk the path of righteousness right now. Satisfying my curiosity did not mean I was straying from the path God laid before me.

“This man did. I know it sounds dumb, Father. But he was different. He changed everything by expecting nothing and yet everything at the same time.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I listened, forcing myself to remain in control. This wasn’t about me, it was about her, even if my treacherous manhood said differently as it strained between my thighs.

“After, you know-” she paused and I could all but hear the blush in her voice, “anyway, he came into the room and he was almost furious that the man I had partnered with left me uncared for. So he took care of me. He was so kind and gentle. But didn’t expect anything in return. Simply that I took care of myself and learned what I deserved and what I didn’t. To learn that I could make and set boundaries just as much as a Dom could. I didn’t know there were men out there like him. I thought Dom’s were just there to, you know, be dominant.”

Her words made me angrier that no one had taught her better, that people had taken advantage of someone so naive. Worse, it had been overlooked and allowed.

“I can’t believe I am even telling you all this. I’m sorry, this is not what confessional is for. You are just so easy to talk to.”

I cleared my throat. “I asked. Don’t be sorry. If it helps you figure out how to solve your problem, don’t be sorry.”

“Is it a problem though?”

I was the wrong person to ask. She had no idea. “It’s not a problem to want to be cared for. But to seek out that care in the wrong places, in un-Godly ways, that is.” What a hypocrite.

“Father, have you never?”

Her question hung heavily in the air between us for a few moments before I decided to answer honestly. “That is no longer my life.” My voice was thick and full of need. Full of desire for her, though, thankfully, she had no clue about the later part of it.

“Why?” her question was completely innocent.

“It was a past life that served me no longer. I now serve God and His children.” And I was doing a piss-poor job of it as of late. I glanced down at my rock hard shaft as evidence of that, the need to touch myself coursing through me.

“So you don’t ever?”

“This is not about me,” I stopped her before it went any further.

“I apologize, I went too far.” I could see her look down into her lap through the screen that separated us, her wavy blonde hair curtaining her face, and the image it brought to me sent my mind spiraling. Her kneeling at my feet, waiting for instructions as I circled her, petting her the top of her head, letting her know what a good girl she was.

---